Looking for advice

Thank you so much - i get that exact feeling that people think i am just over anxious Mum but i know my little boy and i know this isn't just something " he will catch up on" as i keep being told. I am ringing the HV daily now as they just dont follow up, we have a referral for a development review but that will be a year waiting list. Its reassuring to hear from you and thta you have been in a similar position. Thank you.

Hi, well done for reaching out to try and support your little one.

My experience with my daughter was very similar.

i noticed from quite a young age that there was some areas she needed a bit of extra support & there was a lack of understanding. 

I raised this when she was 18 months old as she was not meeting milestones consistently. I was told she was too young to be autistic & sent for hearing tests. She passed them which then led me to consistently try and understand what i could do to support her. I involved health visitor and had to be firm i would say. Most people questioned my mental health if Im honest but I just knew she needed more support to help her thrive.

She got diagnosed Autistic and is non verbal just before her 4 th birthday. She is currently 4.

The reason I have replied is because I remember thinking Am I thinking too much into this? Everyone saying She will develop at her own pace etc. but the reality is that is true however she may need support along the way and different strategies that will make sense to her. So I kept going until someone listened.
Go with your gut always , you know your child better than anyone else. Sending love 

Hi, Well done for reaching out for advice to support your little boy. 

i have a daughter who is now 4 and is non verbal autistic. I had the same concerns as yourself from a very young age and highlighted these. I was told “she is too young” sent for hearing test, professionals even questioned my mental health. But I knew she needed support. Especially younger rather than later.

i continued to contact people involved in her care - like health visitor & eventually they agreed that she did display some signs of autism.

she got diagnosed just before her 4th birthday. We have a private speech therapist as speech and language have stated they cant do anything because she is non verbal.

My point of replying is to share my experience which is so similar to yours. If you feel he needs some support let professionals know that & be firm. Unfortunately it seems to be the only way anyone will listen when they are younger.

good luck and i hope this helps 

Thank you - Just having these conversations has made me feel so much more at ease. Its hard sometimes to explain your worries when someone hasnt been through it. Thank you again for taking the time to reply :) i have wondered regarding adhd as he does show some signs with the way he plays/interacts but again I know he is very young and i should not try to worry too much yet. 

Hi 

yes my son at 4 still has no awareness of danger it can be very frightening. It’s so with autism they don’t have the awareness of danger like other children do. It’s hard as he is not verbal yet but give it another year or so you will be able to communicate more but it does get easier and better. Just have to keep explaining not to do certain things. I couldn’t even take my son shopping at that age other than grocery shopping as it was too stressful and he hated it so your doing better than I lol. 
the not sitting still is common for boys but I didn’t have that issue exactly but that might because my son loved his food. Every child is different 

if he is very energetic he may also have adhd but don’t panick he might just be a really energetic child. My friend whose son is not autistic is sooo energetic and like your son doesn’t sit still 

he probably just not interested in those things 

he is very young still I think these nursery’s expect too much from kids 

let me know if you have any other questions 

it’s all learning curb and all children are different 

nursery is really good for him though they learn a lot at this age 

Hi, thank you for such a detailed reply. He does like to spin occasionally but its not something he does on a regular basis. We have been focusing on his interests and encouraging them - i think we made the mistake early on of trying to lead him to what would be the expected " norm" way of play and now we are fully embracing what he likes and wants to be doing. He likes things that connect - so a train set only if they link together - he loves books but only looking at them himself, he doesn't like to sit with us whilst we read. He loves cars and building with his lego but these are only for a matter of minutes - he is always searching for new things to do or different ways to play with his toys.

I will certainly try the different music you have suggested with him - he will clap along to a nursery rhyme and will hum to a few tunes but he doesn't have the words to any as yet. He has said clap clap to a nursery rhyme a few times. Its really interesting reading your thought on music and i will explore that more with him.

I also like the explanation you gave around what we focus on - He has always been so ahead with his motor skills and why not?  I spent so long worrying about the other aspects it took me some time to realise all these things he is doing. 

Does he like spinning? Some of us were very keen on these physical forces. Perhaps he'd enjoy a sit n spin. 

Keep a sharp look out for his interests, they may begin to tell you about his natural strengths. Even though he is quite young, he is communicating and expressing language in different ways. Just not with words. You mentioned music, which is actually an extremely intelligent way of communicating. I would see how far this might translate: from classical to ambient sonic electronic music. It's amazing how many composers are dyslexic. Will he sing? Or even learn a movement of sorts for expression (could be as simple as sign language or as clever as mime). See how he responds to Charlie Chaplin or classic theatre movement. There are so many artistic forms of expression. 

Also, perhaps a music therapy would help with other things. Maybe even drum lessons. A drum kit involves quite a good deal of motor skills. But also this engagement with earths natural forces, which can be experienced when dancing and spinning or shaking. He sounds adventurous. Perhaps there are self-discipline martial arts for very young children you might look into. 

The world and our biology in relation to it is a different kind of relating-with. Many times adults don't explore this until they have a breakdown around 40. Or realise adulthood is around the corner and go skydiving. Or worse - they don't listen to their body and the environment until they notice health issues. He may have an advantage here which could be worth helping him grow into. 

Most children might not focus on learning these human forms early on. Imagine him in an early society where perhaps words weren't as interesting. Would he be developing just fine? Would he have mastered climbing a tree to collect it's fruit? Being human is so much more than pretending to be someone else and having too much sugar. :) He may have an ability to squeeze everything being alive has to offer.

The only thing I might mind is that he will mirror how you interact with him onto others. So, it may become imperative to lead by example if he's progressing different with social understanding. Ideally if you are more respectful of him than a client, he will assume this is how we naturally treat others. Always ask if he'd like to take something from you and only assert yourself when danger is present (like politely collecting his hand to cross the street). Perhaps you're already like this. But it can be incredibly helpful for him going forward if you're in the habit of dropping to his level and asking for his engagement, allowing times for him to say yes or no when it doesn't matter. This will help him understand how to speak to others or be around others as he grows. 

HI, Thank you so much for replying. Its reassuring to hear from someone who has been through similar situations - it an at times feel like im explaining constantly that yes hes 2.5 and no he doesn't talk but  he does so much else thats amazing. 

Can i ask if you experienced this, im sure it is just associated with the lack of full understanding but if we do try to walk somewhere or wander round the shops he will run off in the opposite direction ( obviously i know all kids can do this) but with Seb he has no  of awareness of leaving us or where he maybe going. He also really struggles to sit still for any period of time - his nursery have commented that he does no join in with story time or meal times he struggles to stay at the table.

Thank you again for replying 

Thank you so much for this reply - i know i need to stop worrying so much and just enjoy my lovely little boy. He does get sensory stimulation from both as you mentioned - it is really helpful to hear you mention how your son learnt words/language. Thank you again it is also amazing to hear someone say about the unrealistic pressures for milestones - i feel im constantly fighting questions on why he isnt doing certain things and no one seems to focus on what he can do. 

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply - we are on a waiting list for development review, unfortunately the wait time is 12-14 months at the moment. I will read Emily Grondin as you suggested. It really does help for someone who has more knowledge to pass on some advice. Thank you again .

Hi 

try not to worry so much 

as agreed 2.5 years is very young. My son now 4 didn’t really start speaking till he was 3 and he didn’t know his name either at that age 

The speech and language therapy sessions I’ve just had these 

they were helpful to some extent but really it’s more helpful when the child is actually speaking so I wouldnt be in a rush 

he might not be talking but he provably understands more than you realise which may also be leading to meltdowns ?  As he gets frustrated that he can’t talk 

my advice would be that to keep talking to him.  in basic language 

pointing things out naming what you see

visual aids are helpful too. Let him see what you are talking about. Books etc

he will learn it will just take longer. Try not to worry to much 

he is happy so that’s the main thing 

the speech therapist told me if you want to improve eye contact being the item you talking about to eye level and keep your eye contact with him 

Feel free to ask any questions happy to help if I can 

Hello, 2,5 is very young! At that age my son (now 11) was focussed on other things, fully focussed on making sense out of all his senses, especially the ones he had over-developped (sight, hearing). Does he get sensory stimulation like vestibular, proprioception? The problem is the "normal development scale", autistic kids develop other things first like logic way before socializing tools. For my son, language was and to some extent still is like music, so not only the words count but the exact same intonation too.. a bit like chinese learners. Please do not worry so much! He is currently developping other skills first. And I would add, this belief/pressure we must do everything before whatever age is not true! My kid still evolves very much with 11 years old, in language too (he is learning 5 languages at the same time for his own pleasure). The time pressure is based on an acient false belief that brain's plasticity stops at whatever age. Relax and enjoy being a mum instead of feeling the pressure that you should be a therapist! No rush, we have a lot of time ahead!  

Does your little boy have a diagnosis yet? 

It is difficult to know what to say at this point...Some autistic people never speak, and yet they are not necessarily intellectually impaired.  There maybe significant intelligence there.  Some, like me, were precociously verbal, and yet, even though perfectly capable of extensive conversation when I wanted to, my mother says she often tried to talk to me to get no response whatsoever or at best a simple "yes" or "no" without me even turning to look in her direction.  She says I'd look a million miles away, as though I just found all attempts to speak with me to be an intrusion into my thoughts. She was probably right.

I hope you get the speech therapy soon.  They might be able to tell you more.  But in the meantime, I think what I am saying is I wouldn't assume he doesn't understand.  Try reading: 'I have been buried under dust for years" Emily Grondin.  Hers is not necessarily your lad's experience, but if he is autistic, he could be experiencing something like that.  Emily didn't communicate until she learned to type, then revealed just how bright she was and how much she'd been understanding all along.

Maybe just keep holding up your end of the "conversation" and explaining things for now regardless of whether he appears to be reacting.

Hi

From what I heard from others, and read about and my own childhood I conclude that we are not in a hurry to pick up language, many of us continues to think in pictures/algorythms even after able to cummunicate in so called native language, but it happens eventually,, the latest after started going to school

to be honest I have no idea if it is possible, and that it isn't damaging to interfere with that process and push to make it happen earlier