Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, my 9 Yr old daughter has been diagnosed with High Functioning autism after a 3 year battle to get help and assessment. She has daily violent outbursts, mainly if she cant get her own way, or if she's being chastised for something or if something doesn't go right. She also won't follow any rule or boundary despite us putting endless amounts strategies in place over the years. She torments 4 year old brother daily. My worry is how she will be when she hits her teens and also that my son is starting to copy some of her behaviours.
I am wondering if anyone else's child has outbursts mainly when they dont get their own way or when they are being told off?
She is also is verbally abusive to me and her father regularly when in 'the anger zone' prior to an outburst, she is always hyper and on the go. She attentions seeks from peers and family. She prefers 1 to 1 friendships..
I feel both my children's and my families and mine and my husbands lives are ruined due to constant battles and daily struggles.
Any advice or anyone in the same position I would love to hear from you,
Thanks for reading,
Suzi x
At least you have her diagnosis so you can work with that. My daughter didn't get her diagnosis until 16, despite the fact I suggested it to a psychologist when she was 8 (and the psychologist happily told me I was wrong). Your description sounds like my daughter. Maybe if she is extremely demand avoidant, it is possible she could have a PDA profile? Or maybe she spends her life complying with school demands and home is where she feels she doesn't need them.
My daughter is now nearing 18 and doesn't accept her diagnosis. I hate the way she treats me, with a total lack of respect, constant insults and some physical violence. I have grown a thick skin and have learned to walk away. I think many girls tend to hold things in so much that home is her safe space and that is actually positive. So, although it's horrible for you, it's the place she really feels she can let go and explode if necessary. Maybe it would help if school is also a comfortable place to be. School has always caused my daughter so much anxiety that we have to pick up the pieces at home.
Also, dealing with periods and hormonal changes will potentially make things hard during the teens, so make sure she's really aware of all the changes.
I really understand about the constant battles because I get them daily. My husband is who she seeks for advice and I am often insulted and feel like a skivvy. I suggest that you perfect the art of switching off and also try to get away from time to time, either go out with friends or spend time enjoying hobbies by yourself.
Like you, I worried my younger son would copy her, but he is proving to be very loving and far calmer. He finds socialising easy, so he spends plenty of time with friends.
I think "high functioning" autism must be a myth because it suggests that the person doesn't suffer so much somehow, while this isn't true.
I send love and hugs to you as I am in the same situation. I am hoping to find out more about my daughter's sensory profile, in the hope that it will help us to deal with her behaviour.
Thank you so much for your reply. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles too and hope you and your family find peace someday.
So much of what you said is the same as me. Sending hugs back x