Violent teenager

The situation sounds very serious. The thing is, you are his primary caregiver, but when you are harmed, pinned, and so forth, that decreases your ability to care for him (and if he loses control and takes your life by accident, who's going to take care of him? He might be sent to some mental institution where they drug and restrain him because they don't trust him with anything, and that could be for the rest of his life).

A part of taking care of someone, is knowing that you have the power to take control of the situation when things go wrong. You seem very empathetic, and you understand his inability to control his emotions, but you can't become the main target of his emotional outlet either. I mean the more he practices hurting you, the more it's bad for both him and for you, because he gets better at hurting you, and you get more and more hurt. It's not a cycle that you want. 

I know that you don't want to hurt him or see him hurt by others, but when your safety and life is on the line, you have to do something. If you sense that he's getting upset, create as much distance between him and you as possible, have a safe location in the house that you can go to, and call somebody. Or you can try self defense, but that might just aggrevate the situation. 

Is your son autistic without intellectual disability ? if so calling the police might actually be worthwhile. they can detain him in a cell for around six hours. A police incident form will be produced and it will result in evidence for anger management and may entitle you to rest bite care. it may also shock your son and to know that if your locked in a cell with a toilet and the brightest lights ever created it may either stress him and deter him from his behavior. 

My mother did this to me when i was 14 and again when i was 21.

when i was arrested at 21 it wasn't my fault, my stepdad is a narcissist and domestically violent to me and my mother and deliberately kept triggering me to meltdown. 

the police incident forms have supported my PIP and benefit claim and have helped me access support as an adult. so it might be worthwhile.

Wow - this sounds really hard. Do you know what is setting him off? Assuming he's not being overwhelmed by his senses (lights, sounds, materials, scents, etc.), are there any psychological things he's reacting to? Could he be in need of anti-anxiety drugs for an occasional episode or could there be another "imbalance" neurologically. My brother and my son had various anti-depressants to get through high school. They helped a little, but had I better support when my son was in high school I would've pulled him out of school and found somewhere else more suitable. Eventually we found Ashwaganda and a multi helped regulate his emotions.

Does your son have additional needs? Are you able to contact his father? Most mothers should not be taking on their teenage males alone. 

Hi, thanks for your reply.

Yes, you're situation sounds similar, although luckily I have no other children to worry about him hurting. 

I have thought about self-defense but most of the usual courses use techniques where the other person could be hurt (i.e. they are designed for defense against muggers/attacks from strangers, not vulnerable children). I was told about something called team teach but neither I nor the social worker has been able to get a place on a course since I registered interest around 8 months ago. I have also been told by his school (special needs) they do not recommend team teach and advised me not to pursue it, so that's off the cards anyway. I don't remember the name of the strategy the school use. They initially thought they could help me get on a course but that doesn't seem to be happening now, either. Does anyone know of any? 

Other than physically getting him off me, I don't fully know how I am supposed to treat him afterwards. I feel I should be caring as I know he just can't control himself, but at the same time I can't help feel that gives him positive feedback for hurting me.

Hi, sorry in advance because I can't be much help but I'm in a similar position with my 11 year old, having been told the same thing for years. 

After an attack eg headbutt to the face, biting, punching, kicking, throwing heavy objects or using them to wack round the head etc... etc... He is usually devastated, he hates himself and lies awake at night scared that as he gets stronger he stands more chance of killing me.

My other 2 children and my Mum are also scared of what he will be capable of as he gets older but I can't face the thought of calling the police even if like you said, I could.

Reading about your situation made me think outside of it a bit and I thought what about self defense training?

We have tried lots of different suggested techniques but he is not thinking or feeling like himself when he's like that and can't rationalise at the time, enough to use them. He says a monster takes control of his brain. 

Could some form of self defence help us get out of the situation till its calmed down, without hurting them?