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Violent teenager

NAS77961

I am alone with my son who is 14 and now near enough the same size as me. His violent outbursts are becoming more difficult to deal with. He rips out my hair and pins me to the floor, biting or bashing my head when I struggle.

Today he pulled me down the side of the bed and we fell in an awkward position where I was wedged, unable to move, with my arm crushing his neck, which obviously was terrifying for us both and could have ended very badly. Luckily I managed to move enough to free him but not myself and he then pinned me down for over an hour.

I just don't know how to stop this behaviour, how to get help or what I should do or how to react. The advice I have received over the years has been pitiful and useless and stinks of box-ticking.

We technically have a disability team social worker but they are virtually useless. I've met them twice in a year and they have nothing to offer except to tell me to call police. Is that seriously the only "help" there is? What exactly is the purpose of a social worker if all they do is tell you to call police? Is there something else they can do that they aren't revealing?

I believe calling the police would make things much worse but I don't even have the option when I'm pinned to the floor without my phone. 

Parents

  • The situation sounds very serious. The thing is, you are his primary caregiver, but when you are harmed, pinned, and so forth, that decreases your ability to care for him (and if he loses control and takes your life by accident, who's going to take care of him? He might be sent to some mental institution where they drug and restrain him because they don't trust him with anything, and that could be for the rest of his life).

    A part of taking care of someone, is knowing that you have the power to take control of the situation when things go wrong. You seem very empathetic, and you understand his inability to control his emotions, but you can't become the main target of his emotional outlet either. I mean the more he practices hurting you, the more it's bad for both him and for you, because he gets better at hurting you, and you get more and more hurt. It's not a cycle that you want. 

    I know that you don't want to hurt him or see him hurt by others, but when your safety and life is on the line, you have to do something. If you sense that he's getting upset, create as much distance between him and you as possible, have a safe location in the house that you can go to, and call somebody. Or you can try self defense, but that might just aggrevate the situation. 

Reply

  • The situation sounds very serious. The thing is, you are his primary caregiver, but when you are harmed, pinned, and so forth, that decreases your ability to care for him (and if he loses control and takes your life by accident, who's going to take care of him? He might be sent to some mental institution where they drug and restrain him because they don't trust him with anything, and that could be for the rest of his life).

    A part of taking care of someone, is knowing that you have the power to take control of the situation when things go wrong. You seem very empathetic, and you understand his inability to control his emotions, but you can't become the main target of his emotional outlet either. I mean the more he practices hurting you, the more it's bad for both him and for you, because he gets better at hurting you, and you get more and more hurt. It's not a cycle that you want. 

    I know that you don't want to hurt him or see him hurt by others, but when your safety and life is on the line, you have to do something. If you sense that he's getting upset, create as much distance between him and you as possible, have a safe location in the house that you can go to, and call somebody. Or you can try self defense, but that might just aggrevate the situation. 

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