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Violent teenager

NAS77961

I am alone with my son who is 14 and now near enough the same size as me. His violent outbursts are becoming more difficult to deal with. He rips out my hair and pins me to the floor, biting or bashing my head when I struggle.

Today he pulled me down the side of the bed and we fell in an awkward position where I was wedged, unable to move, with my arm crushing his neck, which obviously was terrifying for us both and could have ended very badly. Luckily I managed to move enough to free him but not myself and he then pinned me down for over an hour.

I just don't know how to stop this behaviour, how to get help or what I should do or how to react. The advice I have received over the years has been pitiful and useless and stinks of box-ticking.

We technically have a disability team social worker but they are virtually useless. I've met them twice in a year and they have nothing to offer except to tell me to call police. Is that seriously the only "help" there is? What exactly is the purpose of a social worker if all they do is tell you to call police? Is there something else they can do that they aren't revealing?

I believe calling the police would make things much worse but I don't even have the option when I'm pinned to the floor without my phone. 

Parents

  • Hi, sorry in advance because I can't be much help but I'm in a similar position with my 11 year old, having been told the same thing for years. 

    After an attack eg headbutt to the face, biting, punching, kicking, throwing heavy objects or using them to wack round the head etc... etc... He is usually devastated, he hates himself and lies awake at night scared that as he gets stronger he stands more chance of killing me.

    My other 2 children and my Mum are also scared of what he will be capable of as he gets older but I can't face the thought of calling the police even if like you said, I could.

    Reading about your situation made me think outside of it a bit and I thought what about self defense training?

    We have tried lots of different suggested techniques but he is not thinking or feeling like himself when he's like that and can't rationalise at the time, enough to use them. He says a monster takes control of his brain. 

    Could some form of self defence help us get out of the situation till its calmed down, without hurting them? 

  • in reply to NAS77963

    Hi, thanks for your reply.

    Yes, you're situation sounds similar, although luckily I have no other children to worry about him hurting. 

    I have thought about self-defense but most of the usual courses use techniques where the other person could be hurt (i.e. they are designed for defense against muggers/attacks from strangers, not vulnerable children). I was told about something called team teach but neither I nor the social worker has been able to get a place on a course since I registered interest around 8 months ago. I have also been told by his school (special needs) they do not recommend team teach and advised me not to pursue it, so that's off the cards anyway. I don't remember the name of the strategy the school use. They initially thought they could help me get on a course but that doesn't seem to be happening now, either. Does anyone know of any? 

    Other than physically getting him off me, I don't fully know how I am supposed to treat him afterwards. I feel I should be caring as I know he just can't control himself, but at the same time I can't help feel that gives him positive feedback for hurting me.

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  • in reply to NAS77963

    Hi, thanks for your reply.

    Yes, you're situation sounds similar, although luckily I have no other children to worry about him hurting. 

    I have thought about self-defense but most of the usual courses use techniques where the other person could be hurt (i.e. they are designed for defense against muggers/attacks from strangers, not vulnerable children). I was told about something called team teach but neither I nor the social worker has been able to get a place on a course since I registered interest around 8 months ago. I have also been told by his school (special needs) they do not recommend team teach and advised me not to pursue it, so that's off the cards anyway. I don't remember the name of the strategy the school use. They initially thought they could help me get on a course but that doesn't seem to be happening now, either. Does anyone know of any? 

    Other than physically getting him off me, I don't fully know how I am supposed to treat him afterwards. I feel I should be caring as I know he just can't control himself, but at the same time I can't help feel that gives him positive feedback for hurting me.

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