Published on 12, July, 2020
My daughters school phoned me today. The explained that she had a good day but they believe she may have PTSD. I've read up on it and it could be a possibility.
She has been through so much the last few years and it has had a massive impact on everyone especially her. For example, she got taken out of our care and nearly put into care. There was a lot of trouble with emergency services, her going missing, being arrested and taken into custody many times. Many family members and pets have died. School issues which started it all off. And a massive move. That's just a few. She tried commiting suicide and self harmed for years.
It started when she was 12, she's now 15. She's always struggled when this all happened and still does. She can't eat curtain food which reminds her of hospital, for example, toast, biscuits, apple juice. She won't go to any places that remind her of what happened. For example, the park, certain roads, part of the forest which includes a certain tree. Even a member of the public who walks past her regularly just reminds her. It could be the same lady who helped her or she looks similar. I've noticed that when a police car or ambulance goes past or she sees one, she gets twitchy and seems to become a bit distressed and distracted. Even hearing sirens is a trigger. She's had constant nightmares about it and it comes and goes during the day and feeling the same emotions and feeling as to when it happened. She constantly seems on edge. Could this be because she has developed PTSD
ParentingAutism said: Could this be because she has developed PTSD
Hi PA,
I feel really sad that you and your family are facing such awful challenges. It sounds like the school are very good at acting when your daughter needs family support but it also seems that there are a lot of triggers for your daughter with changes and life incidents.
I think whatever the reason for your daughters distress, the focus could be on building even more comforting things into her routine. As a teenager and adult I have received various GP recommended supports which have shaped who I am and had good and bad aspects to them depending on various factors. I think that the main and most helpful person throughout my life has been my mum. I think the best people are those who know the triggers and comforts needed for their child. My mum knows when I am having a hard time and I have come to understand my own coping techniques as time goes by.
It sounds like there are a lot of traumatic experiences running through your family as a whole. Do you receive support? What support has worked for your daughter? What does she find comforting? Does your daughter tend to let you support her or does she prefer your partner? Does your daughter have a quiet room in the house where she goes or does she prefer to chill out with you all?
Different things work for me depending on how I feel:
I really hope you find everyones hints and tips useful and that you, your daughter and your family come through this patch of angst to find laughter and light once again.
Thank you for your response. Honestly, we don't have any support. School is good and we are working together to help her. She doesn't talk to me about what has happened and what's on her mind when it comes to the incidents. She will talk to only 2 staff who have been amazing to her. She prefers to talk to people who hasn't been part of it, like us, her family and friends.
She always spends time in her room cuddled up in her weighted blanket and beanbag listening to music with some colour changing lights. It's very relaxing and cosy.
The main incidents happened 2 years ago now but there were others around 4 years ago. We know from the past 2 years she struggled when it all happened but after things calmed down she seemed fine. She was upset a few months ago about it and told school about part of it. She is now upset a bit more and it seems to affect her more. She has only told school this. She's been struggling all this time and I didn't realise. I'll be honest, she is amazing at masking her feelings. She can seem like she is happy and excited but deep down, she is upset and worried. Its hard to know I missed it so I feel guilty.
I know from past experiences she does not want me to worry especially when she saw how upset I was last year with everything going on. She doesn't want to bring it all back up. None of us do. Thank you for this
ParentingAutism said:She will talk to only 2 staff who have been amazing to her.
There are many positives in your daughters life and you are one of them. You have provided a room where she can feel relaxed and safe and I am sure there are many others as you sound like a very caring and loving person. It's perhaps not the relationship you envisioned/dreamed of with your daughter but you have selected the school who is supporting her in the way she needs. I can understand how upsetting this could be because you'd like to bond with her in that way. I really do feel for you. Perhaps the relationship with your daughter will evolve into something where she can open up to you in the way that she can with the teachers at school in the future. It may not and perhaps you'll need someone to talk with about these feelings? Do you have someone you can talk with about everything?
On a personal note, I phone samaritans to offload things that I couldn't say to my close circle because they would worry about losing me. It's good in a way that your daughter is protecting you from her inner world. She may find it difficult to unmask and what emotions to unmask incase they are worrying feelings. I try not to lean on friends and family too much as I don't want to feel like a burden which's fine when I am feeling less negative but sometimes when it's relentless and ongoing it's really hard to navigate and exhausting to mask. It's a double edged sword as people who love you try to fix it and that in turn can feel overwhelming as you don't feel accepted for how you are in that moment. It's hard to know who to tell inside.
It sounds like your daughter is a very lucky lady to be able to have some people who she can speak with and to have a chill out place to go with a mummy who obviously loves her very much.
I too have a daughter hence the reason I understand those feelings as she was diagnosed at 6 years old and is now 10. Our relationship is not how I imagined it would be. It's special, unique and fills me up in ways I didn't think about. She's not cuddly which's difficult but she does snuggle occasionally. There are many things we share and that's what I try to focus on when I'm feeling rejected because she doesn't want a hug. We have humour and similar thinking patterns plus many other connections. I think we are lucky to have each other. We'd be lost without each other.
I wish you all the luck in the world.