Wandering. Update:

You paint her out to be some dangerous person, but she just wanted to escape and be left alone for awhile, she seems trapped. After the argument, she wanted to leave, and you would not let her, so she resorted to something drastic to get away from you.  Many people on the spectrum need a LOT of time to themselves (completely alone) in places they feel most comfortable, but she is not allowed to be left alone, and needs someone there at all times? That would drive anyone crazy after awhile. And if she runs away, she is hunted like an animal, and brought back against her will. 

I really dislike that when she overdosed, you say that you believe it was for "attention." That really aggravated me. It's like you just made up your own reasoning for why she overdosed, instead of just asking her. Maybe she doesn't want to talk to you about it because she does not trust you after all that's happened, and because no one actually listens to her, or understands her, or treats her like a human being. When she does not want to do something, she is forced to do it against her will, as if it's the best thing for her, and they speak for her, instead of allowing her freedom to do the things she wants, but she does not get a say in her own life. 

She's always wondering around, she shuts off her phone so she can be completely alone and away from everything that's overwhelming her. To try and stop her from having freedom, will just cause her to want it more. If she does not want to go somewhere, why is she forced to go, like she has no choice no matter what she says or does. She sounds like a prisoner, trapped in a tower for her own protection and safety, but being in a tower can cause restlessness, and the need to escape. 

I honestly don't know what's worse, allowing her to go where she likes going the most, or having her traumatized by everyone always dragging her away from her favorite place, to be somewhere where she does not want to be. 

I would doubt her need for escape from both school and at home is simply attention seeking or boredom. It sounds more to do with being overwhelmed with particular situations that cause her stress. Perhaps you have overlooked or missed what triggers her need for escape ? Is there a pattern ? What is happening inside her to make her feel this overwhelming need for escape ? Is it triggered by confrontation with yourself or school staff ? You mentioned you were arguing with her just before she ran away. So is it safe to say she ran away because of confrontation with you ? Is confrontation the trigger ?

You also mention she is not allowed out by herself and that as a family you are always cooped up in the house together. With the difficulties at school and the restrictions of home life, the confrontations or arguments with yourself or her Father, the Police, Social workers, she could be feeling controlled or imprisoned or that life seems to be turning into one big struggle against her. I'm trying to understand how it feels for her.

What does a typical day or week look like for her ? Does she have the time and space to be herself ? Do you often see her enjoying herself or having fun ? What is your relationship with her like and with her Father ? Is communication good or is there constant confrontation ? Are her needs being met at school or is this another area of stress in her life ? Do you and her Father argue a lot ?

You also mention she has taken tablets and previously overdosed. This is self-medicating and also a form of escape. It's not attention seeking, it is cry for help. It is desperation. 

She doesn't need the Police or interventions, she needs to feel safe and secure and happy in herself and her environment and know that she is loved. 

As someone who experienced childhood trauma, I know all about the need for escape. That overwhelming feeling led to a lot of self-medicating, escapism and destructive behaviour for decades . Your daughter is showing the early signs of this. It's not attention seeking. It's caused by her need to escape her environment. 

I hear your concern but there are 2 conflicting things still happening: her desperation for escape and your assuming she just wants “attention”. These Are Not Compatible  

in my experience, autists do not want attention they want to be left in peace- NeuroTypicals want attention and when they project this neediness on to autistics, it can cause them to feel even more controlled and trapped and invaded. Because they are being controlled and trapped and invaded from severe misrepresentations.

Does she have another relative she can live with for a period of time? 

When she is 40 she may be able to recollect all of these events and express exactly why this was happening. She may not have the language just yet. But the way you openly dismiss and disregard her here in public- you have talked about her as if she had a rape fantasy even- triggers ME! as a mother and as someone with a controlling disrespectful mother I now do not have a relationship with.

It sounds like: You want attention. She wants to escape. And from the way you talk about her, maybe THIS is the main problem.

I am horrified by men who say “you just want attention” to the woman they have committed to and then while enjoying porn or the company of another woman. It is far more unnatural coming from a mother- a man one can get over. A mother can leave scars for life. 

Imagine not feeding a newborn because I think she just wants attention. Imagine starving a toddler of affection because I actually believe she just want attention. Or
Accusing a young girl of of wanting attention because she’s enjoying being lost in a moment creating aesthetic or expressing her inner soul. …and on and on  it’s so incredibly destructive.  I tell every young woman to RUN from anyone who says this about or to them- they are never to be trusted.  

The practice using attention as a weapon is not only grossly mislabelling an issue, but it creates several more.  No one attempts self-harm for attention!! They join the theatre. If you cannot recognise how destructive it is for a mother to say this openly about her own daughter, then- unfortunately, you won’t ever recognise why she keeps trying to escape. 

From the way you talk about her on here, your perspective about her sounds dangerous - fix it and you may fix a lot of the problems. 

We all need to learn hard truths about ourselves before it is too late. I did it, my own mother did not. One grandmother did, the other did not. But the one who did created relief and inspiration, revolutionised a life my own mother tried to control and suck the life out of.  https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/tech-support/201502/8-toxic-patterns-in-mother-daughter-relationships%3famp 

You're welcome.

I might do that actually. She's a very bright girl and knows a lot about it all and what to do in emergencies and has great navigation skills. Thanks O

If she hasn't already read them all why don't you get her some anatomy books I know she is deeply interested in it from other posts.

Yes, hopefully therapy could work. She will get bored, everyone is bored right now. She has tidied and done a deep clean in her bedroom, which took a day. During that, she found a book about life and she is hopefully going to write things down and learn from them. She has found a page of first aid, one of her favorite things. She is also learning Portuguese to break her days up and she's loving it so far.

It seems stressful as I said hopefully therapy will help try and get as much as you can for her and maybe for you too if you can maybe you can learn different ways to communicate with her, I remember you saying in a different post that you think she gets bored during summer break because she's not at school. If you can afford it would getting her a tutor or getting her in a summer school help to keep her occupied?

Thanks O, I am hoping it is just communication issues. I just feel like we are losing her. The police and social workers are so close to taking her and putting her in care. They've had to take her out of our care twice now. It's heartbreaking. We still don't know what happened with the first incident. All she said is that she didn't want to come home. She went for a walk and didn't return. It was a long night. From my point of view, everything was fine in the morning and had been for weeks so we don't know what triggered it. 

It could be all the building work and extension so we can't go out too long so we are stuck under the same roof all the time. Her father said that she is just getting bored, but would she really go to the length because she was bored. Last year we had the same issue but that was mental health related and this time it definitely isn't. It's all confusing. I struggle to think about the future. She's putting herself in dangerous situations again. I got told she went up to a drunk man in a pub to see his dog and started chatting too him. It's worrying, her going up to strangers. Anything could've happened. I'm just a worried parent. 

That sounds really bad I'm not too sure what you can do apart from what you have already done, it seems you have all the relevant people involved in order to help.

I hope it gets better and it's just her going through hormonal teenage years, it's hard enough as it is but being on the spectrum makes it that's much harder. She is clearly struggling to communicate what she wants if she is resorting to that level aggression, there must be a reason why she wants to go out and leave the but whether or not she can communicate that to you effectively is something different.

Hopefully if she gets good therapy and someone to talk to that can help her and teach her better ways she will calm down.