• Replies 30 replies
  • Subscribers 74 subscribers
  • Views 4651 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Wandering. Update:

ParentingAutism

Hi, you probably happened read my latest forum but thank you if you did. It was an incident that happened with my daughter and her leaving the house and running off. 

Basically, there was another incident the other day and I reported her as a missing child. We had an argument on the way back home from her dad's and she just wanted to leave the house when we got home. I stopped her but then all of a sudden, she ran to the kitchen and pulled a knife out and tried waving it in front of me. I was absolutely petrified and broke down in tears, where she then left through the gate and disappeared. This was when my husband was picking our youngest son up and my daughter was in the garden. We saw her location and it told us she was only down the road so we looked for her as well as my family who were down. 

We couldn't find her so we looked at all the go to places she might have gone to and there was no sign of her at all. That's when we tried calling her but no answer. Her phone was switched off. Then we called the police and reported her missing. Around 4 hours later, I was contacted by the pub staff miles away who said she was there with them again. The staff were more worried about my child than their customers. One staff member even walked next to her in the middle of the road trying to get herself to safety. I am so thankful for their help. I found out that she had walked through the forest and had walked through a pond or something and she was soaked and cold. 

The day after was a struggle. We had the police round to make sure nothing happened to her and then we had social workers round again to talk to our youngest about the other incident. But in the end, my eldest came down saying she had took something and was laughing. She took 2 paracetamol. Last year she overdosed on it. We believe it was for attention. We then spoke to her and talked through everything. She is not allowed out by herself. We believe the first incident was planned because nothing triggered it that day and we found evidence on her phone and laptop from days before on the search history and it all links with the day it happened. It was all very scary, especially because it happened last year. The social worker will be talking to her school when they go back to see if she can have some therapy. I don't know what to do really. It's all very scary. If she wants to leave, she will go to extreme measures to let that happen. Including jumping into next doors garden. What the flip do I do now. She's dangerous. 

Parents

  • I would doubt her need for escape from both school and at home is simply attention seeking or boredom. It sounds more to do with being overwhelmed with particular situations that cause her stress. Perhaps you have overlooked or missed what triggers her need for escape ? Is there a pattern ? What is happening inside her to make her feel this overwhelming need for escape ? Is it triggered by confrontation with yourself or school staff ? You mentioned you were arguing with her just before she ran away. So is it safe to say she ran away because of confrontation with you ? Is confrontation the trigger ?

    You also mention she is not allowed out by herself and that as a family you are always cooped up in the house together. With the difficulties at school and the restrictions of home life, the confrontations or arguments with yourself or her Father, the Police, Social workers, she could be feeling controlled or imprisoned or that life seems to be turning into one big struggle against her. I'm trying to understand how it feels for her.

    What does a typical day or week look like for her ? Does she have the time and space to be herself ? Do you often see her enjoying herself or having fun ? What is your relationship with her like and with her Father ? Is communication good or is there constant confrontation ? Are her needs being met at school or is this another area of stress in her life ? Do you and her Father argue a lot ?

    You also mention she has taken tablets and previously overdosed. This is self-medicating and also a form of escape. It's not attention seeking, it is cry for help. It is desperation. 

    She doesn't need the Police or interventions, she needs to feel safe and secure and happy in herself and her environment and know that she is loved. 

    As someone who experienced childhood trauma, I know all about the need for escape. That overwhelming feeling led to a lot of self-medicating, escapism and destructive behaviour for decades . Your daughter is showing the early signs of this. It's not attention seeking. It's caused by her need to escape her environment. 

Reply

  • I would doubt her need for escape from both school and at home is simply attention seeking or boredom. It sounds more to do with being overwhelmed with particular situations that cause her stress. Perhaps you have overlooked or missed what triggers her need for escape ? Is there a pattern ? What is happening inside her to make her feel this overwhelming need for escape ? Is it triggered by confrontation with yourself or school staff ? You mentioned you were arguing with her just before she ran away. So is it safe to say she ran away because of confrontation with you ? Is confrontation the trigger ?

    You also mention she is not allowed out by herself and that as a family you are always cooped up in the house together. With the difficulties at school and the restrictions of home life, the confrontations or arguments with yourself or her Father, the Police, Social workers, she could be feeling controlled or imprisoned or that life seems to be turning into one big struggle against her. I'm trying to understand how it feels for her.

    What does a typical day or week look like for her ? Does she have the time and space to be herself ? Do you often see her enjoying herself or having fun ? What is your relationship with her like and with her Father ? Is communication good or is there constant confrontation ? Are her needs being met at school or is this another area of stress in her life ? Do you and her Father argue a lot ?

    You also mention she has taken tablets and previously overdosed. This is self-medicating and also a form of escape. It's not attention seeking, it is cry for help. It is desperation. 

    She doesn't need the Police or interventions, she needs to feel safe and secure and happy in herself and her environment and know that she is loved. 

    As someone who experienced childhood trauma, I know all about the need for escape. That overwhelming feeling led to a lot of self-medicating, escapism and destructive behaviour for decades . Your daughter is showing the early signs of this. It's not attention seeking. It's caused by her need to escape her environment. 

Children
  • in reply to Turtle
    Turtle said:
    What does a typical day or week look like for her ?

    Usually, she is upstairs in her bedroom listening to music on the tv and doing stuff on her phone. She shares with her sister and they argue about the tv and how she is always in there. We tried having a schedule and taking it in turns but this didn't work. Unfortunately her sister is a very messy person and doesn't tidy so this really annoys her so she tidied up the room herself, but she likes it. 

    We go for dog walks. She will only come if there is only one other sibling so we take her brother, who needs to come. I do a food shopping trip with 1 child, whoever wants to come. We also might go out for a few hours and do an activity or see family. 

    Turtle said:
    Does she have the time and space to be herself ?

    Yes, sometimes she does. When she's overwhelmed, she will go upstairs to her bedroom and chill out. But if her sister is in there, it's harder because she won't move. The bedroom is the place they calm down. It's their safe place. 

    Turtle said:
    What is your relationship with her like and with her Father

    There are no issues with me and my ex, their dad. We are always communicating about what's going on, especially recently. And regards to my daughter and I, our relationship if good but like everyone, we have our bad days.

    Turtle said:
    Is there a pattern ?

    There isn't a pattern, and this is the same with school. That's why school didn't know how to help. She was unpredictable because they couldn't see a pattern so couldn't find the root to the problem.