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Wandering. Update:

ParentingAutism

Hi, you probably happened read my latest forum but thank you if you did. It was an incident that happened with my daughter and her leaving the house and running off. 

Basically, there was another incident the other day and I reported her as a missing child. We had an argument on the way back home from her dad's and she just wanted to leave the house when we got home. I stopped her but then all of a sudden, she ran to the kitchen and pulled a knife out and tried waving it in front of me. I was absolutely petrified and broke down in tears, where she then left through the gate and disappeared. This was when my husband was picking our youngest son up and my daughter was in the garden. We saw her location and it told us she was only down the road so we looked for her as well as my family who were down. 

We couldn't find her so we looked at all the go to places she might have gone to and there was no sign of her at all. That's when we tried calling her but no answer. Her phone was switched off. Then we called the police and reported her missing. Around 4 hours later, I was contacted by the pub staff miles away who said she was there with them again. The staff were more worried about my child than their customers. One staff member even walked next to her in the middle of the road trying to get herself to safety. I am so thankful for their help. I found out that she had walked through the forest and had walked through a pond or something and she was soaked and cold. 

The day after was a struggle. We had the police round to make sure nothing happened to her and then we had social workers round again to talk to our youngest about the other incident. But in the end, my eldest came down saying she had took something and was laughing. She took 2 paracetamol. Last year she overdosed on it. We believe it was for attention. We then spoke to her and talked through everything. She is not allowed out by herself. We believe the first incident was planned because nothing triggered it that day and we found evidence on her phone and laptop from days before on the search history and it all links with the day it happened. It was all very scary, especially because it happened last year. The social worker will be talking to her school when they go back to see if she can have some therapy. I don't know what to do really. It's all very scary. If she wants to leave, she will go to extreme measures to let that happen. Including jumping into next doors garden. What the flip do I do now. She's dangerous. 

Parents

  • I hear your concern but there are 2 conflicting things still happening: her desperation for escape and your assuming she just wants “attention”. These Are Not Compatible  

    in my experience, autists do not want attention they want to be left in peace- NeuroTypicals want attention and when they project this neediness on to autistics, it can cause them to feel even more controlled and trapped and invaded. Because they are being controlled and trapped and invaded from severe misrepresentations.

    Does she have another relative she can live with for a period of time? 

    When she is 40 she may be able to recollect all of these events and express exactly why this was happening. She may not have the language just yet. But the way you openly dismiss and disregard her here in public- you have talked about her as if she had a rape fantasy even- triggers ME! as a mother and as someone with a controlling disrespectful mother I now do not have a relationship with.

    It sounds like: You want attention. She wants to escape. And from the way you talk about her, maybe THIS is the main problem.

    I am horrified by men who say “you just want attention” to the woman they have committed to and then while enjoying porn or the company of another woman. It is far more unnatural coming from a mother- a man one can get over. A mother can leave scars for life. 

    Imagine not feeding a newborn because I think she just wants attention. Imagine starving a toddler of affection because I actually believe she just want attention. Or
    Accusing a young girl of of wanting attention because she’s enjoying being lost in a moment creating aesthetic or expressing her inner soul. …and on and on  it’s so incredibly destructive.  I tell every young woman to RUN from anyone who says this about or to them- they are never to be trusted.  

    The practice using attention as a weapon is not only grossly mislabelling an issue, but it creates several more.  No one attempts self-harm for attention!! They join the theatre. If you cannot recognise how destructive it is for a mother to say this openly about her own daughter, then- unfortunately, you won’t ever recognise why she keeps trying to escape. 

    From the way you talk about her on here, your perspective about her sounds dangerous - fix it and you may fix a lot of the problems. 

    We all need to learn hard truths about ourselves before it is too late. I did it, my own mother did not. One grandmother did, the other did not. But the one who did created relief and inspiration, revolutionised a life my own mother tried to control and suck the life out of.  https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/tech-support/201502/8-toxic-patterns-in-mother-daughter-relationships%3famp 

Reply

  • I hear your concern but there are 2 conflicting things still happening: her desperation for escape and your assuming she just wants “attention”. These Are Not Compatible  

    in my experience, autists do not want attention they want to be left in peace- NeuroTypicals want attention and when they project this neediness on to autistics, it can cause them to feel even more controlled and trapped and invaded. Because they are being controlled and trapped and invaded from severe misrepresentations.

    Does she have another relative she can live with for a period of time? 

    When she is 40 she may be able to recollect all of these events and express exactly why this was happening. She may not have the language just yet. But the way you openly dismiss and disregard her here in public- you have talked about her as if she had a rape fantasy even- triggers ME! as a mother and as someone with a controlling disrespectful mother I now do not have a relationship with.

    It sounds like: You want attention. She wants to escape. And from the way you talk about her, maybe THIS is the main problem.

    I am horrified by men who say “you just want attention” to the woman they have committed to and then while enjoying porn or the company of another woman. It is far more unnatural coming from a mother- a man one can get over. A mother can leave scars for life. 

    Imagine not feeding a newborn because I think she just wants attention. Imagine starving a toddler of affection because I actually believe she just want attention. Or
    Accusing a young girl of of wanting attention because she’s enjoying being lost in a moment creating aesthetic or expressing her inner soul. …and on and on  it’s so incredibly destructive.  I tell every young woman to RUN from anyone who says this about or to them- they are never to be trusted.  

    The practice using attention as a weapon is not only grossly mislabelling an issue, but it creates several more.  No one attempts self-harm for attention!! They join the theatre. If you cannot recognise how destructive it is for a mother to say this openly about her own daughter, then- unfortunately, you won’t ever recognise why she keeps trying to escape. 

    From the way you talk about her on here, your perspective about her sounds dangerous - fix it and you may fix a lot of the problems. 

    We all need to learn hard truths about ourselves before it is too late. I did it, my own mother did not. One grandmother did, the other did not. But the one who did created relief and inspiration, revolutionised a life my own mother tried to control and suck the life out of.  https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/tech-support/201502/8-toxic-patterns-in-mother-daughter-relationships%3famp 

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