Dangerous behavior

Thanks and I have been looking through all the other posts comments on everything I have posted but I'm coming to a dead end because she fainted this morning in a meltdown, she left us when we were swimming because her costume was irritating her and all the noise in the pool and the water splashing and everything and the heat and that was before we got in the pool. Luckily she went out, called her friend and kept leaving and entering the building giving us updates on what she's doing. 

You are so Way off Topic and way Out of Context on this one, mate. How many of this persons posts have you bothered to read? How many times has this 15 year old (not 13, Caelus) escaped her hostile surroundings? 

Stop doing more harm than good on this site.

Of course, you need to be in our position to understand completely but the nature of the household kind of stops her going to her safe place or if she does stay in her room she will just explode when someone goes in there. At the moment, she had a meltdown today in public but she left to get away from all the sensory input and calmed herself down but she was still agitated and one little thing, like a touch, too much chatter and bickering, or invasion of personal space will just make her explode. 

She has to share a room with her sister and we cant stop her from going in but we advise her not too but it her space as well. We are having an extension done so they can have their own rooms but it will be ready next year. We no longer keep doors locked and she has her own key so she can leave and come back as she pleases. We always have her location and she will leave in a state but come back happy. But there is the safety issue, which I've mentioned, when she leaves as she looses her rational thinking and there have been times when she has been tipped over the top and has fainted and lost consciousness because she was freaking out and couldn't get enough oxygen to her brain and had low blood pressure, as well as dehydration in the heat. 

Her bedroom is her safe place to go to with all her sensory bits in and she usually goes there unless it  is TOO much. She will listen to her music and chill and watch Netflix to take her mind off thing. If she doesn't go there, she will find another room or lock herself in the bathroom but then she gets annoyed because she gets interrupted because someone needs the toilet. 

hmm so would you let, say, a 13 year old daughter go alone outside unsupervised to the park a few streets away? lotta predators around... hell it isnt even safe for a single grown man to go out these days but yeah no one cares when your adult as your in control of your own destiny, but a kid is someones charge, if that kid goes out and gets hurt, thats not the kids fault, thats the parents fault due to being the parents charge. legally speaking... i think this is why alot of parents get done for neglect or get social services knocking at their door for how they are not ensuring their charge is safe.

all in all it is a risk, and theres pros and cons to both sides. yes its smothering to protect your kid, and they wont get friends due to you holding them back and not letting them out and that will effect them negatively. but also yes if you let them out unsupervised they will face dangers and you will be liable for it being their guardian that allowed them to be unsupervised and neglected outside alone.

Caelus said:

i didnt get abducted by child grooming gangs which are all too common now.

Seriously NOT helpful. Here's what CAN happen when you're not considering the impact your words will have: 

A NT mother like this will feel 100% justified in suffocating and inprisioning her ND daughter. As a result, the relationship will b worse as force strained further as caging someone agaisnt their will only creates resentment EVEN if the person doing it thinks they are doing it for the others "own good". 

NeuroTypicals BY DEFINITION use a form of Reasoning which invovles ASSOCIATION. It is Incredibly Faulty and only feeds their out-of-control "control and domination Issues", it is an undiciplined De-Fault, and irrational which Autistics have to fight and fight and fight against.  

That De-Fault, death by association looks like this: if you're friends with someone unfit, YOU are also assumed unfit. Or if there is a random stabbing at a local shop, they associate that shop with stabbings until the owner is forced to close it and go broke. 

Think smarter, mate. Don't just insert your opinion when it can be detrimetnal to others. 

although didnt bother me much as i prefered staying in on games console tbh

when i was a kid i was never allowed outside the house unless i first asked my parents. and the doors where always locked. they was classical old fashioned parents, bit controlling and smothering to the point it probably hindered my ability to get friends as i was never allowed out, but hey ho i didnt get abducted by child grooming gangs which are all too common now.

Speaking as an Autistic teen, if you can establish a place she can go, that is safe (a cul de sac for example) and sit and chill that is better than locking her in as this can cause issues. I am fortunate when i get p*ssed off i can sit at the bottom of my street as there is a stream and bank at the bottom. 

From a personal perspective, I didn't become the way this girl in question is until I was in my Twenties. I was a placid, agreeable and eager child. But Student Life ruined me.

You've posted the same thing on here on repeat and there are many here who have given you excellent advice. Perhaps look back at those threads?

Some of us have invested a good amount of time and energy to try and help, and yet it seems like it's just disregarded  We're all worried for your daughter at this point. I'm with Peter on the prison analogy. 

ParentingAutism said:

she understands safety and knows how to be sensible

So it's not dangerous behaviour, but it does sound like she's a bit fed up. I do wonder if she performs these 'worrying' actions next to cars when you're not around, as you've mentioned before she does seem to be reactionary and I would probably respond the same from some of the posts I've read.  

As a mother to a mother, perhaps now is a good time to learn how to respect her as an individual. There are too many barriers, and she already experiences life in way that is overwhelming, so you don't wan to compound her hyper-awareness, hyper-sensory (which I'd suggest isn't hyper but NeuroTypicals have learned to dull thier senses, but this is a future topic)

Assuming she's "high funtioning" - walking down to a stream in the forest-y bit near the house is also not dangerous and should be encouraged. 

ParentingAutism said:

I'm a lot calmer with her now

This is worrying. Some things you've expressed about your perception of her in other posts are worrying. And this obessession with "Control" -  the use of it as if your daughter isn't a sentient human being. Many autistic individuals are not 'disabled'. Just different. And a unique element is a lack of desire to play along with NT Control issues. Responsible vs control. Preparedness vs. control. Discipline vs. control. There are such better perspectives to engage with. 

The only advice I have is arrange to see a professional therapist on How to Mother her at this age with repsect and consideration and How to Teach survival skills. You might only have 3 years left to become someone she doesn't want to run away from but someone she feels she can freely be herself around. 

To be honest with you, ever since she's had the diagnosis, I have started an online course to understand her better and her behaviour and she knows she can come to me because I'm a lot calmer with her now I understand. Teachers are there for her whenever but she struggles to ask for a chat and it's very personal to her about what they have been talking about and she will only talk to the same 2 members of staff as they know her and her situation better. Her safe place is her bedroom or the tent outside I have bought for her and she loves them both. We have decorated her room to make it her own private space. 

Peter said:

gives her a sense of control.

I agree with you, she does need control and if she doesn't she WILL find it one way or another. That's why in school, if she doesn't have the control, she will walk in the road, where she now has it and teachers no longer have control and that's when she get held and brought back to school, because then teachers take over the control and also for her safety. She always needs the control so we have given her control over a lot of things and give her choices so she's in control of what she does next. 

I think your prison analogy is the right one but it doesn’t go far enough. People will risk their lives to escape prison. The prison she’s in isn’t just her home it’s her life. It’s her school that doesn’t teach, the people in her life who just don’t understand, the feeling of loneliness, isolation and not having control in her own life. So she is seeking stimulation that makes life feel a bit more liveable and gives her a sense of control.

she doesn’t actively want to die. But death no longer feels like such a great threat weighed against being trapped where she is.

she needs a place she can goto safely and stay safely when she feels overwhelmed And needs to be beyond the reach of parents and teachers.