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Dangerous behavior

ParentingAutism

Hi, I have briefly mentioned this previously but my 15 y.o daughter will leave the place we are and go for a wander and explore, or just because she's bored or had enough. Some times it's predictable and others are just 'out of the blue'. My main issue is that, when she leaves home, we don't know where she will go, but we have her location to keep an eye on her. We live down the road from the forest and where there is a stream near the road, where she has gone to before and she has an obsession with water but has sensory issues with it so she will only get her hands and feet wet at times. She won't go swimming at all but she is a great swimmer. It's worrying. 

Also because we live on a main road and she loves cars and will walk in the traffic and on the curb, next to it all. She had a close call with a car before and it's worrying. But the thing that confuses me is that she understands safety and knows how to be sensible but then at the same time she will dangle over a bridge on a motorway and cross a motorway in the need to get away. How do I prevent this. We keep the front door locked , Windows locked, the back gate is always in our view and she won't go in the garden away. We have a driveway which is now covered in stones which can give us a few extra seconds. Then we have a gate which can help us. We can also watch her because it takes her a while to put her shoes on so that can help with us. And if she does mange to open the front door, all the other doors will bang because of the wind so that's a big sign as well. She does worry me at times and her rational thinking goes when she's in a negative mood which can lead to her forgetting the basic safety rules, I guess. 

Any ideas on how to keep her safe when she's out. I've asked people but they don't understand. I've looked on Google but it just repeats itself. I'm doing everything I can but I don't want her to feel like it's a prison and that she can't go out because then she will want to escape and won't want to come back. It's very complicated. Thanks and sorry again for bothering you all

Parents

  • I think your prison analogy is the right one but it doesn’t go far enough. People will risk their lives to escape prison. The prison she’s in isn’t just her home it’s her life. It’s her school that doesn’t teach, the people in her life who just don’t understand, the feeling of loneliness, isolation and not having control in her own life. So she is seeking stimulation that makes life feel a bit more liveable and gives her a sense of control.

    she doesn’t actively want to die. But death no longer feels like such a great threat weighed against being trapped where she is.

    she needs a place she can goto safely and stay safely when she feels overwhelmed And needs to be beyond the reach of parents and teachers. 

  • in reply to Peter

    To be honest with you, ever since she's had the diagnosis, I have started an online course to understand her better and her behaviour and she knows she can come to me because I'm a lot calmer with her now I understand. Teachers are there for her whenever but she struggles to ask for a chat and it's very personal to her about what they have been talking about and she will only talk to the same 2 members of staff as they know her and her situation better. Her safe place is her bedroom or the tent outside I have bought for her and she loves them both. We have decorated her room to make it her own private space. 

    Peter said:
    gives her a sense of control.

    I agree with you, she does need control and if she doesn't she WILL find it one way or another. That's why in school, if she doesn't have the control, she will walk in the road, where she now has it and teachers no longer have control and that's when she get held and brought back to school, because then teachers take over the control and also for her safety. She always needs the control so we have given her control over a lot of things and give her choices so she's in control of what she does next. 

  • in reply to ParentingAutism

    Speaking as an Autistic teen, if you can establish a place she can go, that is safe (a cul de sac for example) and sit and chill that is better than locking her in as this can cause issues. I am fortunate when i get p*ssed off i can sit at the bottom of my street as there is a stream and bank at the bottom. 

  • in reply to RetroAspie

    Of course, you need to be in our position to understand completely but the nature of the household kind of stops her going to her safe place or if she does stay in her room she will just explode when someone goes in there. At the moment, she had a meltdown today in public but she left to get away from all the sensory input and calmed herself down but she was still agitated and one little thing, like a touch, too much chatter and bickering, or invasion of personal space will just make her explode. 

    She has to share a room with her sister and we cant stop her from going in but we advise her not too but it her space as well. We are having an extension done so they can have their own rooms but it will be ready next year. We no longer keep doors locked and she has her own key so she can leave and come back as she pleases. We always have her location and she will leave in a state but come back happy. But there is the safety issue, which I've mentioned, when she leaves as she looses her rational thinking and there have been times when she has been tipped over the top and has fainted and lost consciousness because she was freaking out and couldn't get enough oxygen to her brain and had low blood pressure, as well as dehydration in the heat. 

    Her bedroom is her safe place to go to with all her sensory bits in and she usually goes there unless it  is TOO much. She will listen to her music and chill and watch Netflix to take her mind off thing. If she doesn't go there, she will find another room or lock herself in the bathroom but then she gets annoyed because she gets interrupted because someone needs the toilet. 

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  • in reply to RetroAspie

    Of course, you need to be in our position to understand completely but the nature of the household kind of stops her going to her safe place or if she does stay in her room she will just explode when someone goes in there. At the moment, she had a meltdown today in public but she left to get away from all the sensory input and calmed herself down but she was still agitated and one little thing, like a touch, too much chatter and bickering, or invasion of personal space will just make her explode. 

    She has to share a room with her sister and we cant stop her from going in but we advise her not too but it her space as well. We are having an extension done so they can have their own rooms but it will be ready next year. We no longer keep doors locked and she has her own key so she can leave and come back as she pleases. We always have her location and she will leave in a state but come back happy. But there is the safety issue, which I've mentioned, when she leaves as she looses her rational thinking and there have been times when she has been tipped over the top and has fainted and lost consciousness because she was freaking out and couldn't get enough oxygen to her brain and had low blood pressure, as well as dehydration in the heat. 

    Her bedroom is her safe place to go to with all her sensory bits in and she usually goes there unless it  is TOO much. She will listen to her music and chill and watch Netflix to take her mind off thing. If she doesn't go there, she will find another room or lock herself in the bathroom but then she gets annoyed because she gets interrupted because someone needs the toilet. 

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