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Dangerous behavior

ParentingAutism

Hi, I have briefly mentioned this previously but my 15 y.o daughter will leave the place we are and go for a wander and explore, or just because she's bored or had enough. Some times it's predictable and others are just 'out of the blue'. My main issue is that, when she leaves home, we don't know where she will go, but we have her location to keep an eye on her. We live down the road from the forest and where there is a stream near the road, where she has gone to before and she has an obsession with water but has sensory issues with it so she will only get her hands and feet wet at times. She won't go swimming at all but she is a great swimmer. It's worrying. 

Also because we live on a main road and she loves cars and will walk in the traffic and on the curb, next to it all. She had a close call with a car before and it's worrying. But the thing that confuses me is that she understands safety and knows how to be sensible but then at the same time she will dangle over a bridge on a motorway and cross a motorway in the need to get away. How do I prevent this. We keep the front door locked , Windows locked, the back gate is always in our view and she won't go in the garden away. We have a driveway which is now covered in stones which can give us a few extra seconds. Then we have a gate which can help us. We can also watch her because it takes her a while to put her shoes on so that can help with us. And if she does mange to open the front door, all the other doors will bang because of the wind so that's a big sign as well. She does worry me at times and her rational thinking goes when she's in a negative mood which can lead to her forgetting the basic safety rules, I guess. 

Any ideas on how to keep her safe when she's out. I've asked people but they don't understand. I've looked on Google but it just repeats itself. I'm doing everything I can but I don't want her to feel like it's a prison and that she can't go out because then she will want to escape and won't want to come back. It's very complicated. Thanks and sorry again for bothering you all

Parents

  • You've posted the same thing on here on repeat and there are many here who have given you excellent advice. Perhaps look back at those threads?

    Some of us have invested a good amount of time and energy to try and help, and yet it seems like it's just disregarded  We're all worried for your daughter at this point. I'm with Peter on the prison analogy. 

    ParentingAutism said:
    she understands safety and knows how to be sensible

    So it's not dangerous behaviour, but it does sound like she's a bit fed up. I do wonder if she performs these 'worrying' actions next to cars when you're not around, as you've mentioned before she does seem to be reactionary and I would probably respond the same from some of the posts I've read.  

    As a mother to a mother, perhaps now is a good time to learn how to respect her as an individual. There are too many barriers, and she already experiences life in way that is overwhelming, so you don't wan to compound her hyper-awareness, hyper-sensory (which I'd suggest isn't hyper but NeuroTypicals have learned to dull thier senses, but this is a future topic)

    Assuming she's "high funtioning" - walking down to a stream in the forest-y bit near the house is also not dangerous and should be encouraged. 

    ParentingAutism said:
    I'm a lot calmer with her now

    This is worrying. Some things you've expressed about your perception of her in other posts are worrying. And this obessession with "Control" -  the use of it as if your daughter isn't a sentient human being. Many autistic individuals are not 'disabled'. Just different. And a unique element is a lack of desire to play along with NT Control issues. Responsible vs control. Preparedness vs. control. Discipline vs. control. There are such better perspectives to engage with. 

    The only advice I have is arrange to see a professional therapist on How to Mother her at this age with repsect and consideration and How to Teach survival skills. You might only have 3 years left to become someone she doesn't want to run away from but someone she feels she can freely be herself around. 

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    From a personal perspective, I didn't become the way this girl in question is until I was in my Twenties. I was a placid, agreeable and eager child. But Student Life ruined me.

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