I am on the autism spectrum and I have been bad last night and today. Last night I did not want to watch Dancing On Ice and I was told by my Dad in a stern manner to come downstairs to watch it to make my Mum and him happy. I take fluxoetine once a day and I am sure that that is the reason I have stopped emotionally reacting to when my Mum is stern with me, but because Dad rarely does it it can make me emotional especially since I tend to freeze and flight because I struggle to articulate my feelings. I am very quick to feel embarrassment and shame when I do something wrong so I went downstairs to watch the programme with my parents. When I feel those feelings I tend to ruminate so I was trying to keep that and any embarrassment or shame under control, plus I do not watch many ice skating shows so I was trying to understand it so I was very quiet. As a reuslt, I am pretty sure I still upset them even when I was failing at trying not to. I feel terrible but I know that they are pretty fed up with me, especially as I bought crafts that arrived today for me using an Amazon voucher they gave me for Christmas which makes it look like I care more about myself than anyone else.
I really want to say that I am sorry but I know they are sick to death of hearing those words. I don't want to be a narcissist, I just can be very thoughtless because it feels like my brain cannot take on as much things as everyone else does in their brain. I don't want to be especially as we are stuck in lockdown together. I feel terrible that I hurt them and I want to make this right. What can I do to make amends?