What Can I Do To Make It Right Without Saying Sorry?

When I read you post, I can't help thinking that you might as well be fed up with not being accepted as who you are. Do you recognize that feeling? I don't think it is a positive behavior to place shame in you for what you wish to see in the TV. I don't know how old you are, but I think you would benefit from working on accepting yourself as a start :) 

I think that was my emotion because I did feel fed up that me saying 'no thank you' was slightly ignored. I know that I should not feel shame but I do feel guilty for upsettting my parents. I am in my early twenties and since 2020 have only been starting to get help. I want to accept myself but I think I have got too obsessed with self-care that I am neglecting other people around me and causing them to get upset. I want to have my own living, preferably in shared accomodation so I am not on my own, but there are times where I think 'God, I am so useless that I will fail in my plan, so why bother?'.

I think that was my emotion because I did feel fed up that me saying 'no thank you' was slightly ignored. I know that I should not feel shame but I do feel guilty for upsettting my parents. I am in my early twenties and since 2020 have only been starting to get help. I want to accept myself but I think I have got too obsessed with self-care that I am neglecting other people around me and causing them to get upset. I want to have my own living, preferably in shared accomodation so I am not on my own, but there are times where I think 'God, I am so useless that I will fail in my plan, so why bother?'.

That's very true. My family are going to try do more family meetings so to be honest and explain what we mean in the part. 

I struggle with people that make me feel ashamed to be autistic. I want to educate them but will they listen?

Sure - feelings are hard to manage.

My wife and I had to learn to be really honest with each other to make it word. Before I would make her sad all the time. Not on purpose - but because we simply didn't understand each other. Our conversations and arguments now are very detailed with regards to what we mean. I ask her repeat what she understood and let her know when I am confused of her reaction. This works well for us. Limits the misunderstandings. 

My parents and grandparents are very controlling and manipulative in their behavior  as well, because they really want me to be "normal" and make life easier for them. It's apparently very shameful and confusing for them to have an autistic kid. Nevertheless I insist on educating them and does not accept for anything else than a display of their world-view and - essentially - their anxiety. 

True, which is really annoying. I am responsible for my feelings and behaviour but I am not always aware to what extent this responsibility affects everyone around me.

Stress does make me react badly so I flight or freeze. I'm not bad but my behaviour can sometimes be complicated. 

Life is not easy and peoples feeling will get hurt. That is just a fact. You are not a bad person for being you. Also, remember that everyone are responsible for their own feelings. If they are sad, they need to take the constructive actions to get leveled again. It is never you responsibility. 

And being stressed will make you react. You will feel cornered often and your situation does sound very manipulative. You are not a bad person.

I feel stressed when I think I could potentially mess up and you're right, I need a lot of work on my self-care. I will but it's hard to when I realise that I have hurt people's feelings. I can get alohg with others when I am comfortable which takes a lot of time.

Honestly, it sounds like you are under a lot stress and have a hard time with your selfcare. Try to make peace with yourself and the situation. You need to find calm and talk nice to yourself before you can talk nice to others. You are very articulate and I'm sure you'll have no troubles getting along with others, if you are at ease.

I think my family (and certainly my friends) think I am egocentric which has caused issues. I just think my world has slowly become very small but because I have spent most of my life in mainstream and thus must be part of a neurotypical society, I have to have far more awareness of myself and everyone around me. I feell like I am in primary school within the education of having good social skills, when I should have graduated from its university. 

Well, I guess it's fair to say that they seem to be equally "social on their own terms".  I've had a lot of this throughout my life. Especially from my dad and grand dad, who still won't recognize that I am autistic. They simply believe that I am egocentric, which has polarized our relationship quite a bit during the years. I've had to come to terms with who I am; act accordingly and hope that some good people will "stick". Regardless if they are family or not. 

I got diagnosed as autistic when I was three years old, but only started to discuss my mental health problems last year. I have had very low self-worth and self-image so I think I got too obsessed trying to rebuild that. Part of it has worked as I have lost well over a stone and a couple of inches off my waist, but what I posted today shows it has not worked so far.

I think the words 'make me and Mum happy' freaked me out especially said in a stern tone. My parents think I am being social on my own terms without thinking of others which is unfair to them. 

So you found out you are autistic last year? I have known my own autism for about a year now, and I got absolutely absorbed in my own needs as well. Simply my selfworth plummeted to an all-time low and my self-image got knocked out. I was back to zero and had to learn about who I am and how I can interact with others in a way that is positive for both me and them. 

Also, I am thinking that there should be no obligations between you and your parents like that. No people should be/feel forced to socialize. You are free to say no whenever you feel like it.