Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I've been with my partner for 18 months and have always been aware that he's on the spectrum. He really struggles and is going through a particularly difficult time. At this stage he is becoming extremely verbaly abusive to me but he has no support network and I don't feel like I can leave. My previous partner committed suicide after battling depression (resulting in verbal abuse towards me) and the whole situation is causing me extreme PTSD. My partner tells me that I don't have any problems and my life is perfect, because I don't striggle with a disability and have a secure job and home.
I really don't know what to do.
Hi
My response to these sorts of questions always is 'your needs are not secondary to his'. Whilst I appreciate that your partner may be going through a difficult time, many people do, both those on the spectrum and those that are neurotypical, and do not resort to verbally abusing their partner.
Have you suggested that he seek professional help? In my view, I can understand tolerating a relationship that is less than ideal whilst a partner seeks help to address the problems that make it so. Indeed, at my worst, when I was struggling with my mental health, I know I certainly was not the perfect partner. However, if he is unwilling to accept help, then he is choosing to continue to make your life miserable indefinitely which is unforgivable in my opinion. Whilst it is admirable that you are concerned about how he will cope without you, he is an adult who, ultimately, is responsible for himself and your duty, first and foremost, should be to your own happiness.