Extremely aggressive high functioning 13 year old/ support groups

Good morning, 

I am new to this but I would be so grateful for any advice and support anyone can offer me.

My son is 13, he is high functioning and was diagnosed aged 5 with ASD.

He started main stream senior school last year but has since been permanently excluded from 2 due to aggressive/threatening behaviour, having had home tutoring for approx 6 months we are waiting for him to start a specialised school.

I am so, so worried about him and his future, he can be so aggressive, physically and verbally mainly towards me but he clearly doesn’t understand or respect authority as he has exhibited this behaviour in school etc.  He can be wonderful, he has a great personality but it is almost like he has a split personality and when he melts down/kicks off, he changes into this extremely defiant, controlling, aggressive young man who is getting bigger and stronger and it takes me increasingly longer to calm him down, hours sometimes.

He is on an anti anxiety medication but he still has enormous outbursts.

I feel totally isolated, I try calming strategies etc etc but things are getting worse for him and the family and I feel I am the only one who has such an aggressive /violent son, I think I could really benefit from meeting other parents in a similar position but I can’t seem to find that place.  I live in Trafford, Greater Manchester, if anyone is experiencing similar issues and understands my situation and can signpost me to the support I need I would be so so grateful.

Thank you so much for reading my post.

  • Hello Maxwell, 

    Individuals on the spectrum can often display behaviour that may be challenging. There will generally be a reason for this and it is important to try and understand the trigger for the behaviour when developing strategies.

    You may like to have a look at the following link for more information on behaviour and strategies. Hope this helps.


  • Hi Maxwell 

    I read your message and it pretty much sums up my son and me. The only difference is, my son is a golden child at school, high achiever, great at sports and has loads of friends. I’ve been reaching out for support since he was about 4. In the last year of his primary school, the SENCO teacher thought it might be HFA. My son transitioned to senior school in September, and had the worst meltdown I’ve ever known. Defiant, verbally aggressive, physically aggressive and a danger to himself. My son seems to be able to hold it together for months, and when he has a meltdown it can last for up to a week, I’m pretty certain this last meltdown was due to the school transition. His new school SENCO are supportive, but I feel it’s really hard to get any support elsewhere. It is even more difficult as he is such a brilliant, golden child at school and predominantly at home. I am going through the process to get my son diagnosed, but even if he is diagnosed it won’t help me manage these meltdowns. I agree it can be a lonely and exhausting trying time, and I’m just continuing to find my way on this journey.