Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
My daughter is on the wait list to see CAMHS as a counsellor suggested she might be have ASD, (high functioning.) She is finding school increasingly difficult particularly friendships (she says she has no- one to play with.) Its really hard to find anyone who will come to play, and even when we do find some-one then she is never invited back to their house. Also maths is hard (she is below the expected standard.) I am really concerned as she says she is dumb, stupid and other such words. She is in tears so often saying she hates school and we have had to stop lots of her outside activities because she comes home very argumentative and aggressive so I think she needs more down time. I am constantly reassuring her and have spoken to the teachers a lot about this which has been going on for over a year. The teacher at the last parents evening said let wait and see..... I then spoke to the special needs teacher who agreed to get more advice from an advisory school but this hasnt happened neither has the ELSA she was promised. I am just wondering when you say enough is enough? I don't want to look for a new school, there are none nearby that are any better than where she is but I do worry about the on-going battle she is having and the effect it is having on her mental well-being.
I would be grateful for any advice.
Thanks
M
This might sound like stupid advice to some, but does she really need people to play with? I'm not saying that to be mean, I say because I think people put way too much emphasis on making friends, to the detriment of those who struggle with it. Giving in only makes the problem worse, we need to find another way. We're not living in the wilderness anymore - we don't really need anyone but ourselves (we can choose to get along with other people or not), and relying on others to validate our own existence will never end well no matter how much of a social butterfly you are. The only reason you need friends in school is to defend against groups of bullies, which you shouldn't need to do in the first place so it's invalid.
Not to be condescending, that's just my opinion. I would suggest (at least while you try to get this sorted out) to encourage her to find some hobby, something she's interested in which doesn't require other people. That's what got me by every day since I was about her age (I started programming when I was 7) - I've always been interested in computers and I never needed anyone else to help me with that.
I turned out okay as an adult, despite having no lasting friendships in school - I never feel lonely, I've been in multiple relationships, and I'm apparently charismatic despite looking like Manson on a budget - which means my social skills must be fine too. I even empathise with people, which is probably the main reason people fear isolation (because they think they'll grow up with no empathy).