Published on 12, July, 2020
Daughter 17, was diagnosed with autism in July this year, she had been masking.
She has been struggling with making friends and has a lot of anxiety concerning this.
Attending 6th form College has become too much for her due to the travel and loneliness, therefore now studying online. Of course this has resulted in her becoming more isolated which we tried to talk to her about before she made the change but she wouldn't listen.
She hasn't done any studying for two weeks and has been spending a lot of time asleep. I understand that she might be tired if she has been coping with her day, but today for example she has not been out of the house and only just got out of bed (6pm). I've suggested that she might be depressed but she says no and won't let me make an appointment with the Dr's. Even if I did make one without her approval she would refuse to go. - she reckons that she will go to Uni next year and will make loads of friends and be away from her horrible parents... I've tried to suggest that she may not make friends for a variety of reasons but she won't listen and I'm being negative.. but as I've said she isn't doing any work...
I've tried to suggest different social groups both for autistic people but she won't go
I don't know what to say or do.... help...
You've probably got all the advice you need looking at the great recent answers from plastic/nessie and that youve just been to a support group, but just in case this is useful ill reply anyway. Im a recently diagnosed adult (1 year ago) so can maybe understand a bit where your daughter is right now. Just after diagnosis i was very very burned out. I think the pressure of masking for so long plus dealing with the diagnosis all hit at once. I knew it wasn't depression as id experienced that before. Bluntly i did actually need to sleep for a few weeks and have all pressures taken off, very few interactions etc. I wonder if thats how your daughter feels. Autistic burnout is a thing - Its not a mental health problem. Googling it should give you some info. See if thats what she feels like - she may not really know what she feels like. I didn't until i read about it and was hugely relieved to find this was a common experience AND one that you can come back from. I just needed a period of rest, then was able to gradually get back to normal for me (ie doing some work!).
Re everything else, yes, shes a teenager. She might well find all of this a lot tougher than i did. If she does want to talk to someone outside the family that gets it i would recomend action for aspergers, they were great to me over the last year. I have a feeling she might be able to 'speak' to someone via text/e.mail too. I think they also offer support for familiy members (ie you) too.
Re Uni - it may be tough, but it may be great for her. It actually was for me after a nightmare time at school. I went to a uni away from home, but that was near enough for family to regularly visit or for me to go home the odd weekend if i needed to. Maybe thats a goid compromise? I think be positive about it but make sure she knows youre there if she does need support. Also at the end of the day, provided she gets the uni grades eventually maybe having to repeat the year wouldnt be the worst thing?
I hope this is a little bit useful. And good luck. This must be a massive learning experience for you both.
Thanks Zomted, really helpful post