Published on 12, July, 2020
Daughter 17, was diagnosed with autism in July this year, she had been masking.
She has been struggling with making friends and has a lot of anxiety concerning this.
Attending 6th form College has become too much for her due to the travel and loneliness, therefore now studying online. Of course this has resulted in her becoming more isolated which we tried to talk to her about before she made the change but she wouldn't listen.
She hasn't done any studying for two weeks and has been spending a lot of time asleep. I understand that she might be tired if she has been coping with her day, but today for example she has not been out of the house and only just got out of bed (6pm). I've suggested that she might be depressed but she says no and won't let me make an appointment with the Dr's. Even if I did make one without her approval she would refuse to go. - she reckons that she will go to Uni next year and will make loads of friends and be away from her horrible parents... I've tried to suggest that she may not make friends for a variety of reasons but she won't listen and I'm being negative.. but as I've said she isn't doing any work...
I've tried to suggest different social groups both for autistic people but she won't go
I don't know what to say or do.... help...
How do you know the GPs would help? Your daughter has just had her world upside down with the diagnosis and changing schools etc, therefore, being depressed and needing a bit of processing time is natural. Going to the doctors would be telling your daughter there's something wrong in her behaviour when there isn't. Anti-depressants wouldn't address the root cause of her mood. Plus, if they only have generic counsellors (most do) they're unlikely to know how to communicate effectively with an autistic. There are autism-specific services, such as Action for Aspergers but counselling doesn't help everyone. It does nothing for me, although exercise transforms my mood and motivation.
I'd avoid making her feel any worse by highlighting any negatives/issues. Instead, I'd provide her as much praise and support as possible e.g cooking favourite meals, praising even tiny steps forward with her work, encouraging her to go to the cinema/walks etc. Rather than being told what to do, or manipulated, such as suggesting CAMHS, your daughter needs to be encouraged to find her own coping skills. She might be moving out next year, therefore, developing independence is key.
BTW in my experience autistic women do not have any noticeable differences in maturity levels than their neurotypical peers. There is also the saying 'if you've met one autistic, you've met one autistic'. It is thought that 1% of the population are autistic and our likes, as well as our experiences, vary as widely as our NT counterparts. For example, I've met as many who loved uni as hated it.
Tbh, I don't know that Dr's will work, and I don't feel that I'm manipulating her by suggesting CAMHS but what I supposed to do, just sit back and watch her while she lies in bed day in, day out...
Christmas fairy said:I don't feel that I'm manipulating her by suggesting CAMHS
Suggesting CAMHS yourself wouldn't be being manipulative. If you say they've been recommended at the workshop you are going to and they haven't that would be. A lot of autistics have a strong sense of right and wrong. If you lie to your daughter, things have a way of being revealed and that could cause irreparable damage for your relationship.
Your daughter has explained to you CAMHS wasn't useful for her needs. You too have mentioned that she prefers text to verbal communication.CAMHS is verbal based communication. I feel like your trying to flog a dead horse by keep returning to things that should have already been crossed out as your more comfortable with CAMHS rather than working on a new way.
You say your daughter has been in bed for two weeks. That isn't very long to process everything that has been going on and to rest. If she's being made to feel like she should snap out of this, this could affect her recovery and mean she needs even longer alone in room.
Christmas fairy said:what I supposed to do, just sit back and watch her while she lies in bed day in, day out.
I understand that you are struggling but you may need to just sit back and watch, especially if all she needs is time. If you are finding the need to give control over to your daughter difficult to handle support services like Action for Asperger's work with parents too.