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Struggling mum of undiagnosed Aspergers daughter

Mum on a mission :)
over 4 years ago

I am here today as I am struggling a lot myself.  I feel I have no one to talk to.  It’s not easy to say what I need to say to people who are not in my situation.  I’m scared for the future of my daughter and I love her very much but I really dislike her behaviour and the effect she is having on our family, she is breaking us. I also feel she's purposefully  pushing all the buttons to hurt me and I don’t like how I am feeling towards her at the moment, I feel like a terrible mum but all I do is try and care and fight her corner. She just treats me like dirt.  I hate the way she makes me feel, I didn’t set about to have a family to feel like this about my own child. 

Yesterday she was so bad I stayed in my bedroom all afternoon, I’ve been to the doctor as I am struggling with sleep myself now, last week I didn’t want to get in my car because I was scared I would crash it into a wall.  I really don’t like the feelings I have about her, it’s  either going well (when she’s out of her comfort zone) or just a horrendous negative situation fuelled by her nastiness to everyone around her 

I know I need to be managing this and taking control and being the strong grown up but I cannot cope with it at the minute and i need some support but don’t know where to get it ?  I really need some help. 

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    Hi... As an autistic daughter reflecting back on my own teenage years I can identify with what you are saying. I had no idea I was autistic at the time and neither did my family. I was really horrible to my mum, I was on high alert all the time, I became distent, would not speak to her and when I did it was really horrible. I rejected every kindness she showed me because I felt it was a demand. I knew none of this at the time and now I feel a real sense of guilt and loss for what could have been a very different relationship with my mum. She continued to show consistent care and kindness which I am so grateful for now but it most have been really really tough for her. 

    My relationship with my dad was easier and that was because we simply spent time together doing things that helped me to calm...(like repetitive DIY tasks) we didn't talk much and he placed little demand on me in terms of conversation but through simply being with him and in a calm state our relationship strengthened.

    I am no expert and we all live such different lives but if there is a calm place you can find together even if it is just reading books in the same space, baking or doing crafts working on your own things but simply being together when you both can feel a sense of peace then do this as much as is possible. Like I say I am no expert and certainly not qualified to give advice but I know this worked for me.

    I hope this helps. 

Reply
  • over 4 years ago

    Hi... As an autistic daughter reflecting back on my own teenage years I can identify with what you are saying. I had no idea I was autistic at the time and neither did my family. I was really horrible to my mum, I was on high alert all the time, I became distent, would not speak to her and when I did it was really horrible. I rejected every kindness she showed me because I felt it was a demand. I knew none of this at the time and now I feel a real sense of guilt and loss for what could have been a very different relationship with my mum. She continued to show consistent care and kindness which I am so grateful for now but it most have been really really tough for her. 

    My relationship with my dad was easier and that was because we simply spent time together doing things that helped me to calm...(like repetitive DIY tasks) we didn't talk much and he placed little demand on me in terms of conversation but through simply being with him and in a calm state our relationship strengthened.

    I am no expert and we all live such different lives but if there is a calm place you can find together even if it is just reading books in the same space, baking or doing crafts working on your own things but simply being together when you both can feel a sense of peace then do this as much as is possible. Like I say I am no expert and certainly not qualified to give advice but I know this worked for me.

    I hope this helps. 

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