Parenting / work balance / does it get harder ?

Thank you for your advice  My youngest already does two full days at Nursery, we get the 2 year old funding due to her disabilities. She gets funding from the LEA for a 1:1 at Nursery too. I want to be at home with her as much as possible, to give her the best start in life and because I understand her needs more than anyone else, partly because I’m her mum but also because we are both Autistic. I find her very easy to tune into so I know what she needs and why she needs it and she is still so very little, I wouldn’t want her to be away from me any more until she is school age.

Hello

It’s hard isn’t it?

my son is 5 and it’s been very difficult, I work full time so my son is with a childminder who is fantastic with him. He loves going there and that’s the only place he will go without a fuss. 

I did consider leaving work to look after him full time, but then realised financially it would be impossible to be as comfortable. It’s hard to make the decision but you have to really consider what’s best for you, sometimes I use work as an excuse to just get away for a bit just to breath because my son can be a bit full on. 

Another thing that’s helped me a lot is getting him a bunch of sensory toys and accessories that he can play with, while if for Example I have to work from home since investing in a bunch of these I’ve found that he has become a lot more content as I’ve seen him some days just sitting there playing with them all, I wouldn’t even know he is there. 

www.auggietastic.com 

I believe this is the website I brought all his sensory toys from, it’s been a great help

maybe look to your local council and see if the offer any extra services that may help you, mine offered me a carer twice a week so see what they can do as I know different councils offer different services.

hope this helped you

take care 

H

Definitely agree with this. I belong to a couple of Facebook groups for parents of autistic children and find them helpful.

No worries! I’ve found myself that there are a number of local support groups and facilities to help support both autistic children and their parents, I’ve found out about these through word of mouth BUT it would definitely be worth giving your local autism services a ring as well as your local council’s disability services to see what support is available. I’m actually compiling an online resources section for my own group for autistic women, of services available in our local area, the majority of which are for parents of autistic children, it’s amazing how many resources can be found, once you start going to one, you then find out about others.

Worth joining some of the parent led groups on Facebook too- huge support there. Loads of positive memes & plenty of other parents out there feeling the struggle & being very open & honest about how they’re feeling. Tons of good advice from those with experience- lots of good pointers & ideas & incentives where people have had to think outside of the box.

Have you looked into the possibility of a childminder? Home from home setting, more chance of a one to one with your daughter, plus somebody who can give you BOTH a good settling in period to ease with the transition & aid in getting little one school ready so it’s not such a big leap when the time comes? Childminders can offer the 15-30 funded hours aswell as accept the tax free voucher schemes through work. They’re Ofsted registered & work to the EYFS- which is the same curriculum they work to in schools & nurseries for the 0-5 age group.

If you get tax credits, you could be entitled to quite a substantial portion of your childcare paid for, dependent upon your situation.

Hello ... well I do have a husband and he helps, i’m telling him all the things I learn or find out in my books or on this website and we are cobbling it together and getting by.  Thanks for your kind message, the kindness of everyone on here is overwhelming actually. Thanks again x

Thanks so much loobylou ... your message has helped so much and I love it that you’ve reminds me about the “Viking Mode” days ! Yes ! Thanks so much you are so kind.  

Hi, 

I have ASD myself and have 3 daughters, the youngest of which also has ASD. I do agency work, so I don't work that often, so I can still keep my hand in with work but can focus the majority of my time on looking after my children. If litlun wasn't ASD I might be inclined to put her into nursery a couple of extra days a week but I feel that would be unfair on her as she would struggle more than most with the separation from mum, she's a total mummy's girl! Once she's at school I'll be able to work a bit more. Do you have anyone else to help you with looking after your daughter?

I'm a single mum with little to no support from the father of my children.

I've got 2 diagnosed and 1 in the process of diagnosis. I've also got a younger child who so far (thank goodness!) is displaying neurotypical traits.

I work from home but my job can be very demanding and it doesn't enable my big 3 to be my sole focus - it simply means that I don't have the worry of the cost of childcare.

As they've gotten older, I find I am struggling more. Hormones are kicking in, changes in schools are happening. The bridge between them and their neurotypical peers is broadening. I'm finding my role as parent evolving into a more demanding one and for me, trying to balance parenting and work is becoming consuming. I've worked in the care industry before as a one to one and to be honest - what I'm having to do now on top of work and normal parenting is exactly that. The constant, relentless prompting & reminding & refereeing to them all is exhausting.

But every child is unique as is every situation. Right now my youngest is 2 and hes never slept through so I'm a little groggy and pessimistic plus the nurse told me the other week that early menopause might be setting in - so, as you can imagine, I'm an absolute joy to be around at the moment! : )

Emotionally floored was an apt description my love - I'm so there with you. And it's totally OK to have those feelings.

But not every day roles out like that. There are some good days. There are days when I'm in full on viking mode and could take on the world.

And on those days, when I'm in a strong mindset, I often reflect on my strength - on the stuff I have to face on a daily and I recognise that I'm still standing and that I take each day as it comes and no matter how floored or exhausted I feel, I still manage to summon the strength from somewhere.

I completed a degree whilst working full time hours, studying full time hours, raising 3 kids alone & pregnant alone with my 4th. 

I passed that degree with Merit. I hosted my final show with my 4 week old baby strapped to me & my 3 ASD kids in tow.

I needed to get that under my belt so that I could aim higher with job prospects and be more financially stable and I think the thing that drove me the most though it all was somebody told me that I couldn't. Somebody told me that because of my childrens' conditions - I wouldn't manage.

I realised that I only needed one person to believe in me and that person WAS me. The power to face adversity, to rise from the ashes of yesterday, to face everyday head on and to reach for my dreams - I had that power.

You have that power too. If you want something enough, there is always always a way forward. If you want something more fulfilling, start looking. If your mornings are full of meltdowns - there will be a way for you to find your feet. Be it a job with a later start or a childminder for the mornings or maybe something where you can work from home or maybe nights once little one is in bed? 

I'm just spitballing here, but my point is - sometimes we do get the wind knocked out of our sails - but we are the examples to our little ones. Our children who find the world difficult & challenging every day. Show them your grit & determination. Teach them how to reach for the stars, even in the face of adversity. And never forget to prioritise yourself once in a while. To be a good parent, you need to look after yourself & be kind to yourself. Stand back & truly see (&admire) what you do my love.

You are strong.

You are human.

You got this.