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Supporting young adult son with his business

Barnaby Crumble
over 5 years ago

Hi, I was just wondering if there was anyone else in my position, its all getting on top of me a bit at the moment and I could really do with a chat. 

  I support my Adult son (22) with his business, he tried full time work but couldn't cope so 3 years ago we started his business as a photographer and digital artist, he sells products with his artwork on, its going ok but he's getting very frustrated that its not going as well as he wants (he wants to be a millionaire). He drives , has a relatively good social life, but more often than not he ends up running off from his friends, getting drunk to try and combat how his Asperger's is making him feel or going back to sit in the car and driving his friends to and from the venue. it make me very sad.

   I'm at home full time with him, helping him with his business, but its really getting on top of me, its just constant, I'm either book keeper, business support or mum 24/7, but I'm very aware that if I wasn't here, he would be a proper mess and I can't let that happen. I also have M.S and a few other physical problems which I manage very well and am able to physically keep up but mentally I'm starting to flag. 

   I also live right next door to my mother in law, who although on the whole is ok, I have to entertain her anything up to 6 times a day because she's bored and wants a chat and thinks our son should have a proper job and is very negative about what he does. His sister thinks his a pain in the A## and my hubby is working loads so doesn't get how draining my day here can be. something has to give and I'm worried it'll be my temper, I'm already snapping and that helps no one and isn't like me at all.

This sounds very harsh, and I'm just venting, but I don't want to answer the same question 20 times in a row, I don't want to have to ocupie my mother in law, I don't want anyone to need me all day everyday. and the reality that this will never end is really getting to me.

Thanks for listening

BC

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    To me this seems to be about personal boundaries, both making and maintaining them.  I would probably want to make gradual changes rather than run the risk of causing any sudden, destabilising reastions but that might be just me being very conflict-avoidant. 

    Could you talk to your son about the business support services you're giving and maybe explain about the difficulties, how much time you can realistically offer, and where the limitations might be?  24/7 would be a no-no but an honest conversation about expectations and a reasonable way forward night help to head off any frayed nerves or loss of temper. 

    MIL: maybe a similar conversation, explaining that you are more of a business partner to your son and therefore unavailable during certain hours?  It's all going well, thank her for her interest, but we've been talking about the business and future plans and we need to be more business-like in approach.  Office hours?

    Yourself: As Plastic suggests, maybe something outside the home that helps to reinforce your personal boundaries.  You make changes (at your preferred pace), they then adjust?

    Best of luck.      

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    To me this seems to be about personal boundaries, both making and maintaining them.  I would probably want to make gradual changes rather than run the risk of causing any sudden, destabilising reastions but that might be just me being very conflict-avoidant. 

    Could you talk to your son about the business support services you're giving and maybe explain about the difficulties, how much time you can realistically offer, and where the limitations might be?  24/7 would be a no-no but an honest conversation about expectations and a reasonable way forward night help to head off any frayed nerves or loss of temper. 

    MIL: maybe a similar conversation, explaining that you are more of a business partner to your son and therefore unavailable during certain hours?  It's all going well, thank her for her interest, but we've been talking about the business and future plans and we need to be more business-like in approach.  Office hours?

    Yourself: As Plastic suggests, maybe something outside the home that helps to reinforce your personal boundaries.  You make changes (at your preferred pace), they then adjust?

    Best of luck.      

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