Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there
My daughter was diagnosed with aspergers with high anxiety earlier this year and she has been going downhill for over a year now. We have been paying for private counselling and they believe the best thing for her would be to homeschool her as she is struggling with the social side of school so much. The school have been quite good and introduced some things to help her but the main problem is friends and that can't be fixed. Most of her friends have withdrawn now and she is often alone. She has always been exceeding educationally so there aren't any concerns there but I don't know what to do now. She is horrendous at getting to bed - she has really long drawn out routines that have to be restarted if she makes a mistake or if she talks to one of us after and it has to be done with each of us, including the dog! We started taking her computer etc away two hours before bed and she is fine then but takes hours to get her settled. It also takes her ages to get out of bed and get dressed and often insists on help to get dressed. We are at the end of our tether and wonder if it would be trying to pull her out for a break or even for good if this is the trigger that's making her so unhappy? She never wants to go in and is clingy and tearful in the mornings. I have struggled to get her in a few times and so kept her off but her attendance has fallen below 90% so I've got the obligatory warning letter. Spoke to the doctor and she said sounds like I'm doing as much as I can and they should be understanding as to why she is off more than normal. Plus I do more with her at home than she probably gets at school!!
Anyone have any advice please??
I'm an autistic adult and a mum to be.
I do not sleep naturally and take sleeping tablets that has been prescribed by my GP. I used to get a solid 7/8 hours sleep but am now pregnant so often find myself waking for the loo. I use a few drops of this essential oil on my pillow to help me drift back to sleep - https://www.glowdreaming.com/product/glow-lullaby-organic-essential-oil/ I purchased this as I've heard rave reviews from mums of young babies who swear by its effects to get their baby to sleep through the night. Another idea would be a prescription for melatonin.
If your daughter is at 9 now it won't be long until she's eligible to start work and it could take a significant period of time to develop suitable strategies for her, especially as school is a time of such great change socially.If you withdraw her from school completely will she be able to cope with the same enviornment when she starts work? Would it be a short time solution that causes long term issues? Instead of withdrawing her from school all together have you considered getting her a mentor to discuss the issues she's having and specific ASC related strategies for overcoming these or looking at a reduce time table to limit the time in school. As an adult I work part-time at 30 hours a week and have Weds off to recover from the sensory overload and social expectations. As well as aiding sleep, I also use essential oils to reduce sensory overload from working in a university environment. I like the calming blend from here -http://www.idaromatics.co.uk. A couple of drops o your daughter top throughout the day may help.
If you haven't applied for DLA yet this would be worth looking at as it could provide for private support such as mentoring, attendance at workshops for young autistic individuals etc.
Although your daughters in counselling are they an autism specialist? I tried numerous counselors over the years (per-diagnosis) and the advice they gave wasn't suitable for the way I am able to communicate. Action for Aspergers provide specialist support, although I don't know if this is for children too - https://www.actionforaspergers.org/emotional-support-workers/
Another great stress reliever for me is massage, as I love sensory stimulation. As my child may be autistic myself and my OH have enrolled on a massage course in case our baby suffers high levels of stress and would benefit form a head massage or foot rub off mum or dad, especially when they get in from school.
I had fixed routines when I was suffering from levels of high stress so stress, which were usually caused by having to survive with a world that has been socially constructed without my needs in mind. I no longer follows these now I've learnt to better handle the stressors in my life.
Thanks so much for your advice and I’ll fefinitrly give them a go. The counsellor she is seeing has 2 children, one that is diagnosed autistic snd the other one has Asperger but she decided not to get her diagnosed so she has lived the life. She took them out of school as they weren’t coping at all and they are now sociable and doing really well. The 14 year old is doing an astronomy gcse at the moment and she’s taken away a bit of the scariness of homeschooling but I’d still rather keep my daughter in mainstream if possible in order to cope later on like you said.
Good luck with your pregnancy and thanks again x