School or Homeschooling for my 9 year old daughter??

That's what we are trying to figure out - what harm this is doing to her mental health and whether she would be better off away and socialising in groups that she feels comfortable with and have a bit more understanding.  School keep saying she is ok while she's there so we should keep her there but like you said, it's like banging your head against a brick wall saying the same things over and over.  She is not ok and school is the trigger.  

So we are going to try half days for a bit and try and see a different counsellor for their feedback and go from there.  One day at a time I suppose!!

Thank you.  We have her name down on the CAMHS list and have spoken to someone in the County Council about an EHCP but they said the school need to show 2 cycles of having actions in place so I can apply from the end of May and then we have options.  I have now agreed with the school for her to do mornings for a while and see how that went but had to pull her out saying she wouldn't be back until after Easter before this option was presented to me!  

We are going to try another counsellor too, just to get some more feedback as willing to try anything at this stage!

We have been trying to get melatonin prescribed for ages but gp in our area is not allowed to prescribe it peadiatrics won't do it until she has been assessed for asd and camhs and cdc keep rejecting her saying it's the other ones problem! 

Melatonin does work I brought some online and it was amazing, but I did not know it is illegal to give them in the UK without prescription (sold to me by a UK based company!) so had to stop them. If she struggles with sleep and you are offered melatonin alot of asd children really benefit from it.

Again, any of the following is true for us and our experience only.

I knew quite a bit about the GCSE examination system back then but would say I learnt much more about education through home educating than I did as a teacher for many years - giving up my job actually gave me a chance to read much more around educational philosophy and educational approaches. Being exposed to people's different ideas of HE was an education in itself.

In some ways HE was hard work but in others it made our life so much easier - less stress for the autistic children (relief was immeasurable). I also felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall, saying the same thing and offering the same advice to school day in day out. I came to the conclusion that I would rather have good mental health for my children/me. My idea was to come out at the end of yr5 for ds (dd was yr 3, also to be diagnosed ASC later that year) to avoid transition and do GCSEs from home and drop back into 6th form. In the end, we did this for ds and dd dropped back in for Yr10 GCSE at a very small school. I feel like we avoided some of the more tricky teenage years of their peers and that not much was happening in ks3 anyway that I couldn't replicate in some way shape or form. We joined groups to make sure there were plenty of social opportunities but my kids weren't that interested socialising and just wanted to do their own thing. The HE group was where they made some firm friendships. That said, there were HE people that were wary of us and didn't really understand ASC. 

Dd did have anxiety issues at school and she has suggested yr10 was too soon for her to rejoin and she would have preferred later. Just a few GCSEs in one yr at 6th form, then A levels.

Here is a link to a page about Home Education and Exams:

http://he-exams.wikia.com/wiki/HE_Exams_Wiki

BWs

Its very hard being autistic in a mainstream school, especially as a girl. I didn't have a brilliant experience of school but found things easier when I went to University. Had I been homeschooled though I'm not sure I'd have managed at university or has the confidence to go.

Perhaps a break is needed to ensure her mental health isn't affected but with a view of at some point returning to school but maybe a different school. It's a shame her current school isn't more positive with her. If she doesn't already have one then it would be worth applying for an EHCP. This would help ensure she got the right support in school. 

It may also help to ask for a CAMHS referall. They can take a long time but it may be helpful for yourselves and your daughter.

There are schools out there that are very good at dealing with autism so I personally wouldn't give up hope on school completely.

I really hope things improve for your daughter.

Thanks so much and I’ll definitely look up those sites. It must have been a bit reassuring for you that you knew what you were doing being a teacher so I’m just wary of letting her down as she is so bright. Ive been told though that you’ll always find the answers online as there are a lot of passionate teachers out there that post videos to aide home education. 

Just wish I had a crystal ball to see what the best path would be! 

Hi there

the school have been quite good after finally acknowledging it but to be fair she has got a lot worse lately. They have given her a time out card, toilet pass and earphones if she needs them but don’t feel her teacher has much sympathy for her. Simple things like the weekly certificates 2 children per class per week are given that my daughter is still waiting on that I’ve asked 3 times for, she still hasn’t got. Considering that she is exceeding in everything I’m sure there is something they could have congratulated her on or for coming in if nothing else. St least 4 children have got a certificate 3 times and most of them have had one twice so not happy about it. 

As for the friend side, we worry that it’s axtually doing her more harm as the friends she had for years don’t want to know her now and she says how can she trust anyone when they change and it’s really upset her. I’ve had numerous parents contact me and feel that she gets the blame for most situations which aren’t all her fault at all. She is so resistant at the moment to any sort of help that if we try and explain why someone might react to something she feels we r taking their side and shuts down. 

Its horrible watching her go into school with her head down, hands by her side with no one pleased to see her or even noticing her. 

X

Thanks so much for your advice and I’ll fefinitrly give them a go. The counsellor she is seeing has 2 children, one that is diagnosed autistic snd the other one has Asperger but she decided not to get her diagnosed so she has lived the life. She took them out of school as they weren’t coping at all and they are now sociable and doing really well. The 14 year old is doing an astronomy gcse at the moment and she’s taken away a bit of the scariness of homeschooling but I’d still rather keep my daughter in mainstream if possible in order to cope later on like you said. 

Good luck with your pregnancy and thanks again x

Hi ya

our daughters sound very similar and thanks for taking the time to write.  We r worried about pulling her out for the isolation reason as well as whether she will get all the necessary education so at the moment we are on hold. After a bad weekend and a bad gymnastics session where she hid and refused to move, we have decided to give her a couple of weeks off school and will go back after the easter holidays. Yet to hear what the school has to say but we are doing 4 hours of working with her and after speaking to her teacher this morning who said they are just doing revision , think she’ll get more out of staying at home anyway! 

Have you considered melatonin? My friend was prescribed it for her son but he isn’t that bad at the moment so hasn’t used it. My husband isn’t keen so not gone down that route yet. Just trial and error at the moment and trying to find some sort of calmness for the whole family! 

Caveat - this is my opinion only and written in haste. After some very unsuccessful 'schooling', we decided to home 'educate' our two children on the spectrum (there is a big difference between being schooled and being educated...).  It had it's ups and downs but was mostly a good experience - I have no regrets having given up my job to do it, I was a teacher.  GCSEs and a whole range of stuff from home. Daughter did a few GCSEs then joined a very small school for some GCSEs.  In London, there were loads of HE groups (does depend where you are based), trips and opportunities to socialise but it depends how sociable your child is too.  People HE for all sorts of reasons so cannot be put into a box (eg: religion, SEN, lifestyle choice).

The NAS has a good link to Home Education as an option:

https://www.autism.org.uk/about/in-education/choosing-school/home-education.aspx

As well as this forum, I would join the HE Special Forum (you can find this under useful resources further down the page that is linked to) - they are an excellent source of support.

Good luck.

This is really difficult as obviously you do not want her to suffer at school.

My problem with home schooling especially with an autistic child is that there is no opportunity to develop social skills. Friendships are probably always going to be difficult for her but if she isn't going to school and mixing with her peers then she won't have a chance to develop these skills. This could make later life difficult for her as she won't be used to interacting with others outside the home that much.

Obviously if the anxiety is too high for her to manage school at the moment then something needs to be done.

A few options spring to mind. Her doing a partial timetable at school and the rest of the time she is home schooled. This would take the pressure off her in school as she wouldn't be there as much and would hopefully reduce the amount of social time she would have to deal with but still enable her to interact with peers and develop social skills.

Another option is to see if there are any schools better suited to your daughter. An SEN school, a school with an SEN base or  possibly a school that is just smaller.

The third option I can think of is that you do home school her for a while and then see if you can gradually reintegrate her into school.

Obviously there is a fourth option of home schooling indefinitely but I would be wary of this one.

To try and help her it is good to try and pinpoint the exact issues. Is it general anxiety or specific to certain situations? What is her current school doing to help minimise her anxiety? Is she having any sensory intervention to try and help reduce her anxiety?

Good luck. I really sympathise with your situation.

I was also going to say that massage is a huge stress reliever for me. As there's a high chance my child may be autistic myself and the OH have found an evening massage course at our local college that were going to enroll on in case a foot run or a head massage helps our little one cope with school.

I'm an autistic adult and a mum to be.

I do not sleep naturally and take sleeping tablets that has been prescribed by my GP. I used to get a solid 7/8 hours sleep but am now pregnant so often find myself waking for the loo. I use a few drops of this essential oil on my pillow to help me drift back to sleep - https://www.glowdreaming.com/product/glow-lullaby-organic-essential-oil/ I purchased this as I've heard rave reviews from mums of young babies who swear by its effects to get their baby to sleep through the night. Another idea would be a prescription for melatonin.

If your daughter is at 9 now it won't be long until she's eligible to start work and it could take a significant period of time to develop suitable strategies for her, especially as school is a time of such great change socially.If you withdraw her from school completely will she be able to cope with the same enviornment when she starts work? Would it be a short time solution that causes long term issues? Instead of withdrawing her from school all together have you considered getting her a mentor to discuss the issues she's having and specific ASC related strategies for overcoming these or looking at a reduce time table to limit the time in school. As an adult I work part-time at 30 hours a week and have Weds off to recover from the sensory overload and social expectations. As well as aiding sleep, I also use essential oils to reduce sensory overload from working in a university environment. I like the calming blend from here -http://www.idaromatics.co.uk. A couple of drops o your daughter top throughout the day may help.

If you haven't applied for DLA yet this would be worth looking at as it could provide for private support such as mentoring, attendance at workshops for young autistic individuals etc.

Although your daughters in counselling are they an autism specialist? I tried numerous counselors over the years (per-diagnosis) and the advice they gave wasn't suitable for the way I am able to communicate. Action for Aspergers provide specialist support, although I don't know if this is for children too - https://www.actionforaspergers.org/emotional-support-workers/ 

Another great stress reliever for me is massage, as I love sensory stimulation. As my child may be autistic myself and my OH have enrolled on a massage course in case our baby suffers high levels of stress and would benefit form a head massage or foot rub off mum or dad, especially when they get in from school.

I had fixed routines when I was suffering from levels of high stress so stress, which were usually caused by having to survive with a world that has been socially constructed without my needs in mind. I no longer follows these now I've learnt to better handle the stressors in my life.

Hi 

I don't really have any advice, I am in a similar situation with my daughter she is 8 and has serious issues with sleep she only gets about 3-5 hours a night and not all at once! We have hysterical meltdowns in which she will make herself sick over bed time. She then refuses to get out of bed in the morning not because she's asleep but because she doesn't want to go to school I physically have to dress her. She screams and lashes out when I leave her in school BUT 5 mins after I leave she is behaving like the perfect student! 

She is also starting to struggle socially she has 2 friends one of which she borders on obsessional with and providing this child will play with her everything is fine, but when that doesn't happen she has started having meltdowns. She bottles everything up during the day and blows her top when she gets home. We did contemplate removing her from school but decided that at the moment it would probably upset her to much. School have been supportive considering until recently she had shown next to no issues at school she was always just "random " or "quirky". 

I know it's not much help but you are not alone, the reason we didn't take her out of school was our worry that she would become completely isolated