Partners of people with aspergers

He tells me that I’m stupid and I don’t understand and that I make him worse, he blames me for things that have nothing to do with me and tries to manipulate a lot of things that go wrong for him by turning things round to make it seem like it’s my fault. He can also be extremely aggressive and blames his aspergers on not being able to calm down 

That sounds tough to deal with. Telling you that your stupid and blaming you when things fo wrong isn't because its autistic, they're simply negative personality traits and he's not being very nice,  Suffering extreme emotions can be a part of being autistic but as an adult its his responsibility to learn how to manage this. For example, I use aromatherapy to help calm me. 

I'm ND, so is my brother, neither of us act like that, My dad, who was also ND did. This wasn't due to being autistic but was because he'd grown up in an abusive environment, which had influenced how he reacted.

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To partner0034.I agree with neekby that you both need help. But whilst it is obvious that you are unhappy I would suggest that he is as well. He probably feels unloved unwanted and a nuisance .He probably also feels VERY insecure. This is not necessarily anything to do with aspergers but a normal reaction to the trials of marriage when things are not going so well. Can you still laugh together ? I find this very important.

To partner0034.I agree with neekby that you both need help. But whilst it is obvious that you are unhappy I would suggest that he is as well. He probably feels unloved unwanted and a nuisance .He probably also feels VERY insecure. This is not necessarily anything to do with aspergers but a normal reaction to the trials of marriage when things are not going so well. Can you still laugh together ? I find this very important.