In terms of me as the AS person supporting my wife as the NT one...?
She confided that I frequently upset her so much she goes off and cries in another room... most of the time I didn't even realise she was that upset.
I (we) as (probably) high-functioning ASD literally 'don't understand her'... but then the reverse is also true - except I don't get upset about it like she does, just usually frustrated... then she gets upset with me...
To neekby In what ways do you support your NT Wife ?
- going with her to all the appointments relating to her jugular glomus tumour six years ago, looking out for her through that operation, the subsequent recovery and follow-up operations including making meals that could be pureed without becoming unappealing, sticky goo...
- helping her update her CV and prepare for job interviews on multiple occasions
- 'fixing' spreadsheets, presentations and other things for her work
- being the 'strong' one through the investigation, diagnosis and follow-up of her ectopic heartbeat
- as above for her recent biopsy of a facial mole that was removed
On a more trivial side...
- I do most of the cooking
- I take care of the accounts
- I try to help provide solutions to day-to-day issues she faces at work
etc. etc. etc.
None of which are 'right', 'cos what she usually wants is someone to listen to her and tell her that 'yes, that was a terrible ting for 'X' to say...' or 'No, I can't believe work are treating you like that!'
And simple things like hug her when she is clearly upset (when I can spot it)...
I guess it rather depends on what one means by 'support'?
You sound lovely will you marry me ?
Possible more serious reply tomorrow !
LOL! I don't think anyone would describe me as 'lovely'! I'm also:
- easily distracted
- rude (particularly to her family)
- constantly chastise/correct her (correct way to pack the dishwasher is a particularly sensitive area)
So, yeah it's very much 'taking the rough with the smooth'...
To partner 0034 you are not forgotten but we will see what drops out. Your problems are not necessarily just down to aspergers .many marriages are like this where there is no AS / NT conflict .will contact you again .
I'm curious at to thy do you think this issue warrants segregation as in NT vs ND, rather than something many humans experience? As far as I can see aren't these feelings a part of a lot of relationships. I know many people in NT/NT, NT/ND and ND/ND relationships who feel like whatever they do it isn't good enough for their partner at times. Sometimes that's because they are the one being over sensitive or have unrealistic expectations and at other times it can be cos their partner's being unreasonable.
He tells me that I’m stupid and I don’t understand and that I make him worse, he blames me for things that have nothing to do with me and tries to manipulate a lot of things that go wrong for him by turning things round to make it seem like it’s my fault. He can also be extremely aggressive and blames his aspergers on not being able to calm down
I’m really struggling to work out whether his behaviour is his aspergers or whether he’s just being horrible if that makes sense
That sounds tough to deal with. Telling you that your stupid and blaming you when things fo wrong isn't because its autistic, they're simply negative personality traits and he's not being very nice, Suffering extreme emotions can be a part of being autistic but as an adult its his responsibility to learn how to manage this. For example, I use aromatherapy to help calm me.
I'm ND, so is my brother, neither of us act like that, My dad, who was also ND did. This wasn't due to being autistic but was because he'd grown up in an abusive environment, which had influenced how he reacted.