Suspect my 29 year old daughter is autistic

You are quite right to want to intervene in some way to help your daughter. I was in my early 30s, mum to two young children, struggling to cope with depression, when I first had counselling. My relationship with my mother was extremely volatile for reasons I barely understood. The counsellor asked if my mother would attend some of the sessions with me as she thought it would be really helpful. When I approached my mother about this she went berserk, saying that I was accusing her of having been a bad mother. She refused to attend the counselling sessions which felt like a huge rejection.I struggled on for many years never really coping and increasingly alienated from my mother.

Eventually it reached a point where things started to fall apart and I have just been diagnosed with ASD at the age of 58. My mother's reaction was to ask why I had felt the need to get assessed. I am almost certain she and my dad are autistic too, it's like I have given away some kind of family secret. I am not suggesting you are autistic, but I do think it could be really helpful for you and your daughter to have counselling together. You will both benefit from understanding what makes the relationship between you difficult. Being a mother is extremely demanding so the support you can give her now and in the future is incredibly important. Try and find a counsellor who understands autism, given you believe your daughter may be autisitic. Some sessions together and some sessions individually often works best in relationship counselling.

Very best wishes.

You are quite right to want to intervene in some way to help your daughter. I was in my early 30s, mum to two young children, struggling to cope with depression, when I first had counselling. My relationship with my mother was extremely volatile for reasons I barely understood. The counsellor asked if my mother would attend some of the sessions with me as she thought it would be really helpful. When I approached my mother about this she went berserk, saying that I was accusing her of having been a bad mother. She refused to attend the counselling sessions which felt like a huge rejection.I struggled on for many years never really coping and increasingly alienated from my mother.

Eventually it reached a point where things started to fall apart and I have just been diagnosed with ASD at the age of 58. My mother's reaction was to ask why I had felt the need to get assessed. I am almost certain she and my dad are autistic too, it's like I have given away some kind of family secret. I am not suggesting you are autistic, but I do think it could be really helpful for you and your daughter to have counselling together. You will both benefit from understanding what makes the relationship between you difficult. Being a mother is extremely demanding so the support you can give her now and in the future is incredibly important. Try and find a counsellor who understands autism, given you believe your daughter may be autisitic. Some sessions together and some sessions individually often works best in relationship counselling.

Very best wishes.

Really appreciate your reply Sunflower.  I am finding this all very emotional but it is opening some doors we have jammed shut.  A bit like you said your mum felt, like it was an awful family secret.  

Daughter got all the way through school with no interventions.  After taking her exams In 5 th year all went off rails.  Socially and emotionally.  Diagnosis was communication and language disorders, and moving from child to adult services , we got lost in system.  I feel I have failed her but no use regretting.  Have to start somewhere .

you have come a long weary  journey,  but I am glad you have found a diagnosis, and hopefully some sort of order in your life .  All the best