Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi.
I've posted before and I'm trying to do all the right thingsI. I have a 10-year-old who is on the way to being diagnosed. She spends every single day in her bedroom.she swears at me she won't wash her neck is absolutely dirty her hair is filthy she argues all the time. She will only eat what she wants to eat and chucks her food on the floor.
I went to social services for some help because she was attacking me when I was trying to get her to go to sleep without her phone or computer and they said to give it her for now. This is because of the violence towards me.I don't really see as a single parent going through a divorce from a controlling ex partner in the middle of a divorce how I can cope. No matter what I try with her she works against it.
I don't have a support system as I've been in a controlling marriage for 15 years.I'm now having to go through the courts to keep her father away from her because he threatened to kill himself in front of her 3 weeks ago and the police have been involved.l have a molestation order.
and I'm left dealing with her daily with no help even though I've asked for help from social services I've got cams involved and they have come round and when they visited she's been all lovely and everything and they've said all yes you're doing the right thing don't wworry.They said we won't get involved because we don't want to label her.you're doing the right thing with the diagnosis because we believe there some autistic traits there.
I think I'm very depressed because I've been in an abusive relationship for so long and I I'm thinking that maybe in 6 months time if I'm still in the same situation if I haven't gone completely mad and she's just going to have to go into care. That makes me sound like the mos un caring mother ever but what choice do I have to do when I have a child that won't leave her room chucks food around his violent won't listen to me.argues all the time is abusive to me and I can't seem to turn the control around. Im doing all the right things so that she'll listen to me and we can move forward with our lives.
I've been told that it could take up to 2 years for her to be diagnosed. The way things are going with the house and my life at the moment I can't see me be here in 2 years time if it carries on like this.
I'm so lonely and just being pushed from Piller to post by the NHS and doctor. The doctors is at the top of the road and they won't come and see her. She won't go out.
I'm in Derbyshire and lv just about had enough.
Sounds like you're having a tough time. It's not easy at all! Online forums like this are great. I'm in Kent but we have many support groups we can access even if there is no diagnosis run usually by parents with neurodiverse children. Some meet up and others are simply Facebook groups.
My son can be awful at times and I blame myself and feel upset. I'm on my own too. We've had tough days and fantastic days. Hope you get the help and support you both need. It won't always be like this x
Hi
I have done it. I've got her first appointment..v soon. For diognoses.
It's v local so all l have to worry about now is getting her there for 10.30 in the morning
She went out once last week and is stuck on what happened in November.
I'm so angry with her father..it's so crazy and cruel to treat a child like that let alone someone with autism.
Also to the lady who mentioned private messaging as we're in similar positions ..can't see how you do that. Is that possible?
Yay! :-) well done! How long do you have to wait?
I've just realised that we've spoken on a couple of other threads but because you use a number not a nickname I didn't recognise it as you. Please excuse me being a jellyhead!
The last six months have been very difficult.
I wish I had gotten an advocate some time ago as was mentioned.
We lost the access court case.
Ex is now seeing her three times a week. He has lied to the police and s service about what's happened.
Social Care are of no help whatsoever
My daughter is totally muddled up by November but s.services did the section 7 and supported my ex.The social worker called me the night before the hearing to tell me so as apparently I had given s.services the wrong dates and reference number (police) of the event in Nov.
The section seven was given to my solicitor the night before therefore giving us no time to look at the document.
Five minutes before we went into the court room the social worker informed me that she had employed my exes solicitor on a private matter.
I have since written a nine page complaint and when addressing the above point was told that all parties had been informed prior to the case.This is not true.
They recently contacted me to inform me they had sent my daughters last case notes out to a local family and school by mistake.
My daughter sees her dad but is very muddled up.He continues his campaign against.
I think the saddest thing is my daughter being used by a sociopath who up until we broke up was calling D names, ignored, gas lighted and told she would end up in a childrens home and she had ruined his life. And at the same time super spoiling her and the effect on her has helped him in that he can say or do anything and she forgives him as he has deep pockets
Its like he has used social services for his own ends. Or has there been a conflict of interest
I hardly get out as my daughter is severely social anxious and he does and says anything he can to try and make my life harder..
I’m good thank you, muddling along pretty well. How has your week been? Do you feel that things have improved since you first started this thread?
I’ll have a look at the stuff by Dr Ross Greene. My own daughter, 23 months finally has her paediatrician review next week.
Re making friends or going out. Some craft/other groups meet during the day (when your daughter is at school). Maybe check google or Meetup for groups near you that run during school hours. Meet-up is where I found a good local craft group that I now attend. It’s not good to have only ourselves for company when we’re going through a tough time.
How are your plans going to start up a coffee for parents with autistic children?
I am pleased to have managed to get her the appointment.
just so difficult at the moment to have friends or make new friends because I can't go out very much.x
I found something you might find interesting it's Dr Ross Greene..v interesting views and practical ways of treating children with development cognito delay..
Hope you are well Kitsun and had a good week.x
Go to your account, go to your profile, click edit profile, a text box comes up with your forum name which you can then edit.
Wow! this month! that's really quick! I'm glad you've finally managed to get the ball rolling and an educational psychologist too, sounds like they are making up for lost time!
Sorry to hear that you're feeling lonely today. I've had to do a lot of work on myself the last year to push myself to learn social skills, make friends, go to groups etc. Where there's a will there's a way :-) Do you feel that it would help you to make more friends?
We've just joined one . The only problem is that l cannot go as my daughter won't go out...but saying that she will have to soon to go to appointments.
Makes me wonder whether some of this is just about control regardless of the conseqience
There should be a nationwide support service BlueRay that is equal
Youre right there's a whole section of care missing.
Also l often wonder if you break down autism into its components then doest the outlook seem better in the long run?
I wish I could come round and see you and your daughter and spend some time with you both. I’m a 51 year old but I can very much relate to your daughter and I know we’d get on. My auntie told me the other day, that when I was young, I had been so good that they took me out for the day. She said I was really good all day, but on the way home in the car, everytime any of them spoke to me, I would spit at them. She never took me out again! And if I had a choice, I would never get washed or dressed again and I only eat or drink when I want to which means I often go for days, literally, with no food or drink. It’s just the way I am, but I have a specialist autism support worker now and she’s helping me put together a plan that will help me to eat and drink more regularly ~ I hope!
This just makes me even more inspired to follow through on my plans to create a nationwide autism group/support service.
Are there no careers/parents support groups in your area? Our caters support group gives free massages and all sorts of things. They’re really great although I know services are not the same in all areas.
Holding you in my heart X
I must change that you know Kitsun..how do u do that.
It's this month..l don't want to put the date because I don't want to tempt anything going wrong.
I also have a educational psychologist coming round near that date as well.
I do wish I had friends with children that would come out and encourage her to come out though. . She's becoming so reclusive I worry about her.
also later on this month have an appointment at the physiotherapist's for her to see if her erb's palsy that she was diagnosed with that birth is still there or whether it's even cerebral palsy.
Thanks for replying. Feeling v lonely today.x