Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, my Autistic 10yo son struggles to identify his emotions, and as a result can end up in quite a state when he's stressed/worried. He usually ends up feeling overwhelmed once he goes to bed, and I'll find him at the top of the stairs a couple of hours after putting him to bed saying he can't sleep, he feels sick, and covered in blood from where he's either picked at his skin, or bitten his lower lip! When I've talked to him about it he says it's not done on purpose (so not self-harming as such), he doesn't realise he's done it until he sees the blood. It seems to be what he does as he's lying there worrying. How can I help him find a safer/healthier way to deal with his stresses (& help him to recognise it better so he can talk to us about it!)?
This must be really difficult for you and him. I agree with the above comment of replacing it with something. A chewable braclet sounds like a good idea to try. It may be a good idea to purchase some other fidgets for him so he has a choice of items to use. Some children like to chew. Some like to have something in their hands.
Dealing with his stresses is a much longer process. I think helping him recognise his emotions is the first step but not an easy one. Where I work we do a lot with pictures of emotions, a lot of children like to do this through emojis. We do a lot of talking about different things that make people feel these emotions. To begin with we just concentrate on good emotions. We usually start with happy and get the children to think of things that make them happy. We'd then try to get them to identify actual moments that they are feeling happy. We then build this up with different emotions and slowly work to more negative emotions like upset or angry. We work on what makes them feel these emotions and what it feels like when they feel those emotions. We can then work on a bank of strategies for the child to use at these time. It takes a long time to do this work but we do get a lot of success with it. You could also look up emotional thermometers. This is another thing we bring in when we do this work.
Have you been to your gp about it at all? They may be able to refer him to CAMHS for some extra support. I know the waiting lists for this can be very long but it may be helpful for you and your son.
Good luck and I hope things improve for your son.
That is such rewarding work you are doing!
There is also something called Creative or Artistic Therapy which works much more subconciously. The teacher gets clients to draw pictures.
For example a child who is not well grounded might draw a house that is floating up in the air. Over the course of some weeks you get the child to draw the house lower and lower towards the ground.
Apparently that also works for most.
Wow. That sounds really interesting. I find stuff like that fascinating.
I have been following this thread and felt like adding my take to self harm stimming.
For me I pick at scabs, press my thumb or finger hard into a sharp edge, double cross my legs until they are totally numb, I find the sensation of pain to be stimulating, in a way I think it allows me to connect with my feelings,
i have often thought why when my mum used to lay me across her lap and squeeze my spots as a teenager I would gradually start to relax until completely slumped but every time she would say “ is that hurting to much?” I would say no, I would then grit my teeth hold my breath as she squeezed so hard,,, it was a feeling that swept throughout my body, relaxed my tense muscles. I enjoyed it so very much, it was me and my mum connecting in such a mother child way. Also it may sound yukkie but the smell of her nicotine stained fingers only added to the pleasure, so smell was a sense stimulated also.
Anyway I see my stimming to feel pain not as harmful just me connecting with my bodies senses, it stimulates my mind thus relaxing my anxiety.
I never really harm to cause trauma, no cutting, no deliberate attempt to cause real harm, just controlled pain to release feelings of anxiety.
I wish the mother well with her child, and hope she can find out what is causing the little one to stimming in such a strong way.
I just break down and cry in talking sessions. That is, for the first three or so, and then I get soooo fed up with the crying and complaining that I don't find it useful any more. Especially if I have altrady taken necessary practical steps and there doesn't seem much ground to gain anymore.
It is usually at that point that I stop.