Self-injurious stimming?

What a brilliant reply! I relate so much with wanting to be alone etc or getting away and focusing on other things they are the main things that help me most days. 

But what you said about sleeping OMG!!!! I’ve never been able to explain that or know why it’s always been such a struggle but you explained it brilliantly. I still feel that way to this day our minds just don’t stop when we want them to!! I can be yawning like crazy and still not feel tired. 

But yes brilliant response I hope this young mans dad can get some benefit out of understanding a bit more how we think about bed time. 

With my hiding away was definitely something I did after I’d already melted down but now since I know it calms me sometimes I’ll do it for over active thinking, just a suggestion that maybe a safe place could be a calming thing and might just help before the problems occur, we are all so unique! 

And yes many children do so that but I never grew out of it it’s always been an autistic thing for me and when I speak to others about it they don’t understand. 

 I used to do a lot of injurious stimming mostly banging my head against the wall and I would draw blood aswell as biting etc and I have hurt others aswell unfortunately I can think of better ways around it today like the examples I gave but I still hurt myself and others sometimes I doubt their will ever be a miricle option that’ll help every time. 

I receive many updates from various websites connected with autism on my face book account. Yesterday there was one titled and which said. “What I do to help when I am having a MELTDOWN”.

reading through the replies the majority just wanted to be alone . Some wanted to be alone but with something which is sensory, others needed to be left alone but know someone was close by but not trying to communicate.

All needed time to re settle or re adjust. Finding out what causes the lip biting won’t be easy as the child may not actually know themselves. Finding out what gives a feeling of comfort and security is essential, it won’t ever be the same for each child, but time to allow whatever it is to pass will be part of it. 

For me sitting in a field completely on my own just watching nature would be my ideal, but as an adult I sneak off to the toilet or try to focus more on something anything to try and cut out the thing causing me stress.

A sudden thought just popped into my head, I never liked going to bed, the whole process seemed wrong, invariably I wasn’t tired, so why get into bed and pretend to sleep. That was my lack of understanding that you just have to sleep,, they are the rules!

for me surely I should sleep when I fall asleep?

So lay awake for hours trying to lay still, wondering why as I wasn’t tired, hearing the sounds around me, my brother breathing, cars driving about outside, I knew the world was still awake elsewhere. So for me it was making no sense to even try. Phew,,, sudden realisation of why I hated the ritual of it all.

We are all so very different, but mostly understand where we are coming from.

glad the replies have given you some insight as to how our lives are.

Wow, so many replies! Thanks so much for your help, you've all given me a lot to think about. It's wonderful to get some insight from Autistic adults, as well as parents - as a NT parent it's sometimes difficult to 'get' what's going on with our children. Thanks all  - much appreciated.

Well, if I could replace my scratching and picking at my skin (stimming) by sitting in a wardrobe and it would work, I'd be happy!

And... I think 99% of people have sat in a closet as a child and found it comforting and calming. Maybe they've chosen to forget.

For me, you are 1. not harming yourself; 2. not harming others, so I don't see why it should be such an issue. If it helps you, it helps.

I’m so glad you can relate to us enjoying a safe space aswell!!! I recently put a forum up actually to start speaking to parents and maybe even kids about autism since I’ve researched everything I can but it still seems very limited compared to what’s going on in my head!! Parents can help massively but I still don’t think anything is more effective than having someone who is also autistic to talk to because neurotypical people just don’t see it or experience things the same! 

I relate to what you said about being a child so much I almost feel like what comes out to my parent is rehearsed and not actually me because as I’m saying it that weird empty feeling in my chest is screaming and sometimes I’d love to be able to tell them but my mom would always want to hug me and it would just freak me out and in turn that would make me feel guilty for not wanting to hug her. I don’t know if that rambling made sense but little things do just build up and make you super nervous about communicating it and soon it feels like you can’t even open your mouth!! 

I love that people can connect with what I’m saying on here and it feels great to actually describe it and have people understand what I mean!! I love that you can understand my idea of a safe space I’m used to people just saying why are you in the wardrobe   Haha because they don’t understand the deep level of comfort it brings so it’s lovely to meet you amazing people and share them feelings. Definitely the hardest part for me was describing to people how I feel! They always ask what are you sad about and you can’t give a reply!! 

Thank you for replying:)!! 

You descrine this so well NAS49869 and Lonewarrior - as a child I used to hide umder the sheets on he clothes horse, in the disused coal bunker at the end of the garden, under tables, or in my wardrobe.

As an adult when overwhelmed at work I would hide in the ladies. I got moved into a busy call centre environment in one job (I have hearing loss). The only way I could make phone calls was to sit under my desk. I now realise why I found it so comforting to be in a confined space.  

I think autistic people should play a leading role in the design, planning and inspection of services for autistic children, young people and adults. We should also be involved in staff recruitment and training, and education and advice for parents and carers. We really do see, feel and understand things in a way NT people cannot. 

When talking to my mother about my childhood she always insists I was a very happy child. In fact I was torn apart by anxiety most of the time, but managed to conceal it. Even now I can't alert people to the fact that I am upset until things reach meltdown or burnout and it becomes obvious that something is wrong. 

I have always worn a smile as a mask and practise smiling in mirrors. I am trying to,let that go now. 

Thank you so much for your insights () 

Amazing how much I can read your words and fully understand what you are saying. As a child I spent most of my childhood hiding, in cupboards under coats hung up under tables at infant school, under my bed rather than in it, behind the sofa, even high up in trees, I felt safe being surrounded, enclosed, I imagine the modern tight fitting clothing works in a similar way?

same as The weighted blankets, 

Thank you for being so specific as an autistic who can relate your feelings so well, we are all different but each share so much just in different levels, 

Our insight is so valuable to parents struggling to imagine what their child feels, the child often doesn’t even know as you said, I rarely knew myself, my reply was always “ I’m ok, “ regardless of how I felt. I cannot ever remember saying I was sad or upset, or even expressing any feeling in words, 

thank you. ()

Hello I’ve read the comments and you all seem like very wise parents!! But please from the mind of an autistic person please don’t always expect us to recognise our feelings! Usually an autistic person is very ecstatic or in a good standard zone, maybe you should teach him ways that make it easier for him to tell you if he is stressed! Since a lot of the time my mood can be thrown off by people asking me how I’m feeling I always reply I don’t know and go into deep thinking and it makes it worse this is because autistic people can’t take all of the emotions we feel and narrow it down into one specific and then take that and put it into a sentence it’s just too much for us! I strongly believe that making it easier to tell you he is stressed will help you resolve his stress instead of the behaviours that follow :) I believe this because I can’t even tell my own mum when I feel “ off “ or  overwhelmed because talking to parents can be a scary thing even with something like feelings which everyday people find easy and I still find it scary and hard and I’m 18!!! 

Maybe if you have a toy or a blanket or a colouring book specifically for stressed times and you say when ever something feels strange to you just go get this item and when he has it you will know somethings up and it removes the stressful aspect of communication!! Then when he has his item you can proceed to do things to calm him down, even focusing on the item might help or scribbling and ripping paper. But yea my main point is that communicating is the hardest thing possible it’s what makes us autistic people so overwhelmed and upset it’s the fact that we can’t do it and if we can we can’t do it comfortably. 

Some things that help me calm down even at 18: ripping paper, scribbling on paper, create repetitive hand movements to use as stimming instead! I know this might seem strange and it might just be me but being in a small space aka a cupboard or under a bed in the dark with my phone or something, I don’t know why but being in a small space where there isn’t much going on creates a very safe feeling environment which makes me feel happier apply this with a little bit of rocking or something and I will be calm in about 10-15 mins, sometimes this can happen after a big load of stress and I’ll hide away but sometimes I’ll just need space but if kid does hide best not to disturb them as it’s embarassing for us. 

Thank you. I hadn't thought of that. I will give it a try.

Pendant wouldn't be a good idea, I agree.

I was thinking: have you contacted the NAS about getting advice and/or help with your son?

I'm sure they'd know where to direct you.

Thanks. I am thinking a chewable sensory toy may be the way to go to start with. I've found these chewy-circle-clip-on-black, chew-noodle, tread chew bracelet which might be good. Don't want a pendant type as wouldn't want him wearing something around his neck at night. I'll research more tomorrow. Thanks for your replies. Much appreciated.

Found it back for you although it might not be exactly what you are looking for:

That must be truly awful :-(

Poor boy.

Is there any way you can get help with him via your G.P.?

There was a post here the other day about stimming and special 'things' for it. Will try to find it back for you.

Thanks for your reply. Funnily enough I've just been Googling sensory chewing bracelets with the thought that might help! Unfortunately we've not been offered any counselling, so I'm on my own trying to figure this one out (thank goodness for this forum!). The stimming usually happens when he's stressing about something school related. He won't talk about it, so often we're unaware there's a problem until he's up in the night saying he can't sleep & feels sick & is bleeding from whatever he's done to himself!

The counsellors and psychologist I go see advised me to replace the scratching and biting and self-harm with something else like an elastic band or bracelet. Also you'd need to identify if it is pain-related because then it needs to be replaced by something that causes a little pain but no harm.

I suppose your son is following some sort of counselling? They told me to figure out why I do it, in  order to avoid it (if it stems from overload).

In the past I've tried a bracelet but it didn't do the trick for me. As of present still on the lookout for something that helps.