Published on 12, July, 2020
im a mum of an 8 yr old boy, he has autism classed as high functioning autism and is in mainstream school. My hardest battle is with myself I’m not sure how to discipline as it always seems to descend into chaos with him throwing things hitting me or anything around speaking back and saying things like I don’t care, I won’t do as I’m told, you can’t make me. It can all start from something as little as it’s dinner time come and sit at the table please? I’m really struggling to work out is he just being a badly behaved child and my discipline is not right or is this autism related?
Recently im also having issues with him at school with teachers stating he’s refusing to do his work and we have always had issues with his eating at school and now they are starting to say he can’t concentrate in the afternoons because he hasn’t eaten anything at lunch.
I cant seem to find any support. The pedestrian only sees him once every 6mths and isn’t that much help, last time she told me not to let it get to the point where he loses it but I can’t see how I can let him run around doing as he likes when I have other children in the house.
Any advise would be appreciated
Hi,
I think Emma has given some great advice. My son 6 is the same. we use sand timers to help him know when we are going to stop or change what he is doing. He responds better to an alarm on his phone or iPad or sand timer then my voice. I don't think he is trying to be difficult. She is also spot on the it is not your fault or his, good thing to remember. Try to see what his triggers are and try a different approach.
Discipline needs to be consistent, try not to use an angry tone, this will sound confrontational to him and not end well. I try to use a calm voice (deep breath helps :-) ) with clear direction. If he is doing something wrong then tell him what he is doing wrong, I like to use the work we (we can do, we need to, we are going to) I feel it's less confrontational. I often ask my son in a gentle voice if I can ask him something, then proceed to give him direction. Many times waiting for a meltdown to happen or end is part of all of this. Praise when things are good is very important. If he is doing something nicely or response in a good way I also praise him with a hug or high five, let him know when he is doing a good job.
Again Emma hit a great point of ROUTINE. This is so important, the more he knows what is coming the less stress he will feel. He will still be difficult but as he grows teaching him ways to redirect his emotional anger. sadness, frustration will be helpful.
We had to clean out my sons room so everything is in a clear bin. He can only have one bin open at a time, this keeps the stimulation low and me from having to clean a mess every time he tosses everything about in a rage. Plus he can throw things to hurt me or himself. We spoke about how I'll put it all away but he can have it anytime he wants just one tub at a time. This really has helped him when he is angry to not toss everything but focus on what is happening. He has soft toys to hit and a stretchy man to pull and something to bite on when he needs. Amazon has loads of great ideas ASD children.
Know you are not alone. We are all out here fighting the same fight. You are doing great :-)