Published on 12, July, 2020
3rd time in about 6 months now. This time he really went for it.
First two times hes thrown things at me - albeit 2nd time a large battery.
This time he decided to dig me in the stomach because he didnt agree with me telling him off for something. We went outside and I did grab him and tell him to cut it out (probably not best idea thinking about). But then he started swinging, hit me a few times cut my lip etc.
One thing I didnt hit him back although I felt like it.
Really don't know what to do. I could have phoned the police I guess and got him taken to the cells (this is what CAMHS are telling us to do).
Dont know what to do. For now, we;ve removed his PC, his mobile, his bedroom door.
Hes all sorry but this is not the first time. With a wife whos smaller than him and a 4 year old sister (hes lost his temper with her in the past) I just dont know what to do.
Well we thought things were getting better. BUT its not.
Today found out that hes smashed up his bedroom. Caused probably £100s of damage - all because he got wound up playing a computer game.
Thing is he did it days ago and didnt own up - not sure what he though would happen when we eventually found out.
Its constant with him. He'll try it on, or he'll go behind our back and lie. Constantly.
Hes pushed his mother to edge now - she wants him out. Its difficult to imagine how much trouble one kid can cause for everyone else in the family. Mother has been ill recently- this makes things worse. His little sister aged 5 says she "hates him because hes always shouting".
We've tried and tried and tried to understand him. We've forgiven him and given him, no exageration 20 chances. This time, like the other 20 hes upset and crying but we've seen it all before. He'll be sorry for literally a day then its back to normal.
Just don't know what to do any more. Maybe it is for the best that we have him taken into care to be honest.
Sorry to hear things have got so fraught. He won't want to have the meltdowns, or probably know that they're coming. (Relatively small things can use up an autistic capacity for control, and things can suddenly swing from being over-inhibited to no impulse control at all.)
I realise you mention that there's no social worker involved... if you manage to get one, ideally they would be well-trained in autism. Has he had a Children and Families Act assessment that you know of, or have you had a carer's assessment? (You're legally entitled to the assessment at least.)
Complete change of subject: you may want to change your 'NAS3xxxx' username to something more recognisable. You can do this by going up to the round button up the top right of the page, then 'Profile' then 'Edit Profile'.
Thanks for the reply.
Yeh I sort of know he cant help himself. At the moment he sees CAMHS for his OCD, but we're STILL waiting for aspergers assessment. STILL!
Not got social worker or any og thise things you mention. (We are in wales btw not sure if it matters).
Should we be phoning social services ourselves? Must admit Im a little reticent to get the social involved because they could do more harm than good. After experiences with ~CAMHS, its become clear there are a lot of people working with children who are clueless.
Maybe your son heard that story too. Services might make a different assumption if you were first to approach them.
I don't know what they might do to help. I still say it would be important to try to get an autism specialist (yes, there are few or no autism-specific services some places and this is obviously a problem).
I would suggest trying to have as honest a conversation as possible with your son about the possibilities first. Police can also sometimes handle domestic things surprisingly sensitively.
But do you trust them? If the quality of staff at SS is the same as CAMHS then we're in trouble if we go to SS.
Son has said many times that if we ever phoned SS he would tell them that I hit him. I can just imagine how that would sit with SS. (I never have BTW).
I know a friend who had problems with SS. His son got caught stealing in school, so he was in big trouble when he got home. He never laid a finger on him but son ran out of the house screaming, neighbours (who had a bit of grudge to bear) rang SS.
Even though no evidence, all hearsay, no marks etc. his son decided it would be fun to get his dad in trouble. The amount of grief he went through was unbelievable. It was almost as if SS didnt believe a teen would be clever enough to make the story up.
End of their relationship at that point. It would be wouldnt it? Years later - son is grown up now they still have no relationship because of what the son did to his father.
Social services would have a duty to put your son's best interests first. I don't think anyone is taken into care unless it's really necessary. What they may do that CAMHS don't is actually see the situation at home.