Adult son and toileting...

Hello,

The message which broke rule 1: Don’t post messages that are offensive or insulting to other users has been removed. 

ClaireHig thank you for your message, it does summarise our position as moderators on the site.

Thanks,
Alexandra (moderator)

Don't take it personally. The person admitted they have autism. It often compels a person to give their honest view about something (could still be wrong) they won't comprehend the consequences. Their intent may not have been to hurt you.

The NAS generally lets comments go up when they are posted, without reading them first. Some people like to receive quick responses. Those in NAS editing comments seem to be unpaid & working in their own time. I think they do get around to reading posts, but only a while after they have already been posted. When they find posts against policy they remove them immediately. And may warn members or remove them.

This can make it hard for those with autism too. Some adults with autism have found themselves being ridiculed in posts by parents of young children with autism, who didn't understand they had received a response from an adult with autism. 

This is not a perfect system, but at least NAS volunteers still give their time.

Addendum: You should be proud of your hard work as a mother. Being a mother of a non autistic child is hard enough. I also seem to recall you mentioned your son had a heightened sense of smell. If your son is still soiling himself, wouldn't the smell alone bother him to change his ways? At an older age the cause of an aroma could be more self evident.

I have just had a chance to read up on the replies. I read the first reply soon after it was posted and yes you are spot on Clovis, I was upset and advice was not helpful. I then read the next one and burst into tears, I have so much guilt anyway but also so much love and pride for my beautiful son. 

I have explored other avenues when he was living at home and we had an ok situation but now he has moved out of home the problem comes back. 

I'm sorry, I don't know how to feel about NAS now, I do relise it is not NAS opinion but another person's view but wow how rude and insensitive and yes why on earth was that allowed to be posted.

I agree ClaireHg with your point about incorrect positions and indeed used a small footstool in front of the toilet for many years myself. It helped significantly to reduce straining which is the cause of piles. In the absense of a bidet the toilet flush can be used to wash.

Back to the posters question please.

I couldn't care less about NHS or schools. As an Aspie who home educates my own child & was refused help by NHS for my problems, I have no time for NHS/Schools.

The point about a bidet was good. Viewing youtube could help you find we're doing our poops wrong in the first place. Apparently in many other cultures they squat to go. That is the correct way to align your body. Cutting out the need to strain. It's probably unfair for us to reprimand our children when they find it difficult to use a western toilet. But since most of us have grown up thinking that an unmodified toilet is the best way, it's not the posters fault either.

Hi Clovis,

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I feel confused as the email I received indicated a new post on this thread but when I logged on it was not there. In that comment the poster recommended a small baby bath be used as a bidet. It then went on to suggest I was a self diagnosed fraud. Why has it not been put up on the website.? A personal attack perhaps?

As to the NAS policy on autism, schools and the NHS I have indeed corresponded privately with them on the subjects referred to. The reply I received confirmed they have no mandate to research the causes of autism and exist merely to raise awareness.

My suggestion to them was to issue guidance during pre-natal classes on the causes and prevention of autism. They have no plans to do so. The evidence I have seen in research online is that maternal influence is a major cause of autism. It certainly was in my case. It seems the elephant in the room is avoided on this forum due to sympathy with sufferers and their parents. I chose not to avoid it on this occasion. Sorry if this is not PC and if I offended the OP.

If this site is not for people who are autistic then what is it for?

I thought it was for exchanges of experience by ASC sufferers and those seeking advice on how to deal with the condition.

So in this thread the OP got no replies except mine (by your own admission you could not offer any advice) and I chose to at least try and offer a suggestion. To blame this problem on autism is wrong as it is not exclusive to autistic children.

I have suffered some problems with piles and irritation during my life and self cured those by proper washing and installing a bidet thus saving the NHS having to treat me.

Not many people are comfortable talking about problems of bodily functions as I have seen from other threads to do with sexual urges, small penises, etc. I have no problem offering practical advice based on my own experience of 68 years of life.

What I refuse to do is not speak my mind at the same time. Others are welcome to critisise my posts as they wish.

Take care, Laddie.

PS I have nothing against you either and would add your posts are usually very good.

Hi Clovis,

I received an email this morning with a further post on this thread which has not appeared yet. It confirmed my first suggestion that washing using a small baby bath or bidet would help alleviate this problem.

It also like you criticised me for being unhelpful and accused me of being a self diagnosed fraud (just like the NHS did recently) Like most elderly sufferers it is assumed we are frauds because we have managed to survive into old age so cannot be autistic. I asked for an assessment and was refused as there are no services in my area nor funding.

I am afraid this confirms my diagnosis is correct. If you read up on the definition of "autistic" you will find it means self absorbed, egotistical and narcissistic. Empathy is not one of my characteristics. I have PDA and a pathological need to tell the truth as I see it.

But I have noticed the predominance of posts on this forum are from parents who are worried about their children and responders who pander to their fears and encourage them to demand schools and the NHS take responsibility for their failures.

I could reveal my own personal history of contact with mental health services and the NHS as well as private psychotherapists but I choose not to.

As to those who choose to judge others without any evidence I am too old to take any notice. Sorry.

Take care, Laddie

Hi Minion2017,

We have an advice section on our site about developing a toilet routine:

www.autism.org.uk/toilet-training

The section is aimed at children but the advice is still applicable. You may have already spoken to a GP but seeking professional advice or getting a referral from a GP would be advisable if the situation continues. 

Thanks,
Alexandra (moderator) 

Hi Minion,

Freud would have given you a very different answer to this question.

Save to say it is not a problem exclusive to autistic teenagers.  

Instead of stressing about it install a Bidet in your bathroom/toilet and use it. Then teach your son to wash as well as using toilet paper when he visits.

I learned from experience the British obsession with only using toilet paper as opposed to the continental preference for a bidet (means small pony in French) is ridiculous.

Asian cultures use water rather than paper to clean themselves after defacating which is why they never shake hands.

This is not an autistic problem rather than a cultural problem, easily solved.

Take care , Laddie.

PS why do I get all the difficult topics to solve?