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Adult son and toileting...

Minion2017

Hi, I am not sure if I have posted this in the right place as I am new to the forum.

My son was diagnosed with High Functioning Autisim when he was 4, he had 3 years of speech thearpy and his early school years were uneventful and he had support.

He seems to have heightened senses of smell and touch and would not play in the sand or make 'mud pies'. He eats spare ribs and chicken on the bone with a knife and fork. These things do not constitute major issues but there is one thing that does and so far I haven't had any contact with someone who has this issue.

He is 19 now and has started an apprentaship which he has had to leave home to do, this in itself is a huge acheivement and we are very proud if not a little worried parents.

He has always had problems with doing a poo, he used to retch in the bathroom when he did go and would get distressed when wiping himself. I was still cleaning him right up to the age of 8/9. I put wet wipes in the bathroom to help, I'm ashamed to say I shouted at him quite a few times and it caused tension in my marriage. His underwear is permantly soiled, he leaves the loo in a state and now he has moved out and sharing bathroom facilities I am so worried about how he is managing this.

Has anyone had this problem or can anyone give advice please?

Parents

  • Don't take it personally. The person admitted they have autism. It often compels a person to give their honest view about something (could still be wrong) they won't comprehend the consequences. Their intent may not have been to hurt you.

    The NAS generally lets comments go up when they are posted, without reading them first. Some people like to receive quick responses. Those in NAS editing comments seem to be unpaid & working in their own time. I think they do get around to reading posts, but only a while after they have already been posted. When they find posts against policy they remove them immediately. And may warn members or remove them.

    This can make it hard for those with autism too. Some adults with autism have found themselves being ridiculed in posts by parents of young children with autism, who didn't understand they had received a response from an adult with autism. 

    This is not a perfect system, but at least NAS volunteers still give their time.

    Addendum: You should be proud of your hard work as a mother. Being a mother of a non autistic child is hard enough. I also seem to recall you mentioned your son had a heightened sense of smell. If your son is still soiling himself, wouldn't the smell alone bother him to change his ways? At an older age the cause of an aroma could be more self evident.

Reply

  • Don't take it personally. The person admitted they have autism. It often compels a person to give their honest view about something (could still be wrong) they won't comprehend the consequences. Their intent may not have been to hurt you.

    The NAS generally lets comments go up when they are posted, without reading them first. Some people like to receive quick responses. Those in NAS editing comments seem to be unpaid & working in their own time. I think they do get around to reading posts, but only a while after they have already been posted. When they find posts against policy they remove them immediately. And may warn members or remove them.

    This can make it hard for those with autism too. Some adults with autism have found themselves being ridiculed in posts by parents of young children with autism, who didn't understand they had received a response from an adult with autism. 

    This is not a perfect system, but at least NAS volunteers still give their time.

    Addendum: You should be proud of your hard work as a mother. Being a mother of a non autistic child is hard enough. I also seem to recall you mentioned your son had a heightened sense of smell. If your son is still soiling himself, wouldn't the smell alone bother him to change his ways? At an older age the cause of an aroma could be more self evident.

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