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I think is normal!

Happydora

hello, I am waiting for help and diagnosis and so pleased I found this group.  I wanted to say something about hobbies and interests... I have always been told the things I have done over the years and even now is obsessive.  To me I don't see obsessive,I see a real interest in what I do or was doing at the time.

i can remember being a child and loving horses, I had to have everything that had horses on it! Bedding, clothing, books....all of it.  Out in shops with my parents as a child I could not leave something horse related on a shelf in a shop... It had to come with me.  Then one day my parents took me to a riding stables, I spent all my time in there! Before school, after school weekends...and lived in my riding clothes, would not take them off.  I was told I smelled like a horse.. Did not bother me I liked it.  When I moved some years later I was distraught I can't hold not go to the stables anymore, it upset me for ages. Then one day I just did not want to be around anything to do with horses, my mum had to empty my room of everything horsy as I refused to look at it all.

that was as a child...then growing up I got fixated in books, Stephen King books.  I needed them, all of them, I liked the look, feel and smell of them...they had to be new, no second hand ones.  I did not read them, I have never read a book in my life, I struggle with that with having dyslexia, dyspraxia and dyscalculia.  I just cannot get into a book, its just words and I cannot make the conection with the story. I cannot picture things in my head either so reading books just does not work for me... I later found out that I am a kinaesthetic learner so makes perfect sense! I think collecting books was my way of looking normal and trying to fit in as I knew people that read and collected books. Silly I know but I want so much to fit in and be accepted.

there have been lots of other things I get fixated on, when this happens I cannot stop thinking about it and need to interact with it, the books, I used to just feel and look at th covers...moving them on the shelf.  

Has anyone else been like this? I guess I just want to feel accepted here too...

  • Hello Happydora,

    From an Aspergian perspective, it is not really a case of thinking that you are normal - but rather more a case of knowing that you are. Consider for instance that in nature, "Dissimilarity is similarity," and as such - "the only way of life is every way of life." 

    I am glad that you mentioned the differences involved with 'real interests' and obsessions. Of course, having a singlular interest, or a narrow range of interests - does not specifically make someone obsessional, although it often seems obsessive for those who have multiple interests.

    There is also the problem that people with singular interests are particularly prone to having obsessive compulsions, especially if they have been consistently thrawted in terms of exploring their development. Consider as a contrast that a Family of a higher functioning aspergian child was getting plagued with questions from him, so the step-father said, "Rather than just asking me for the answer to questions, come up with three possible answers, and then we will have even more things to talk about."

    As for collecting things I did not use, as a teenaager records were my thing there, where it was actually the art on the covers of the albums that interested me the most. This is not to say I did not listen to my vinyl records, but my dyspraxia meant that playing them involved them getting ruined with scratches.

    I also have a love for the smell of some new or most old books, but I do not like books that smell bad becuase they have not been looked after. I adore though reading even though I have dyslexia, and I find it usefull for ensuring an in depth reading of things - especially when it comes to ancient Greek theosphy and philosphy writings on the subject matter of consciousness, experience and awarenes. Such stuff is my comfort reading and the basis of my research and writings - but my visual dyslexia does make reading a fruitless endeavour when I get overwhelmed or exhuasted. This can get pretty difficult for a number of months or even several years, so watching aspirational feel good films is my comfort viewing when this is the case.

    Two films that really gave me a lift this last year - were the film 'Concussion - Nothing Hits Harder Than The Truth', starring: Will Smith, Alac Baldwin and a whole host of stars, with the subject matter being very relevant for PTSD sufferers, some forms of Autism, and many forms of Personality Disorders; and the film 'Trumbo', starring: Bryan Cranston, Diane Lane, Helen Mirren and a whole host of stars also too, with the subject matter involving the abuse of people who really were trying to bring the concept of civilisation to people who tend to mistake civilisation for social terrorism. Both of these films gave a clear message that punishing people for their mistakes is counter-productive, whilst compassionately learning from our mistakes together and healing together is not only productive, but essential for everyones health in the long term.

    I really hope this was not too long, but much more importantly - I hope that you have a wonderful diagnostic experience, and remember that it can be fundamentally life changing - so take it as slowly and gentally as you possibly can.  

  • its comforting to know its not just me that collects and feels the need to do what I do... Horses, I actually got bit quite badly on my side as a teenager and I was mortified as I thought the horses did not like me.  It took my mum ages to get me even to walk back in the stables... I did though.  But would not ride again, just liked being in the stables with a brush! 

    No my knee was from an earlier childhood accident, (ha ha dyspraxia tue here as I am so accident prone!)where I fell over on glass and in lodged in my knee.  The glass was not taken out for years and I was in horrendous pain.. Caused lots of problems.  The later in life it turned into osteoarthritis to the point I cannot weight bare on it or walk, it's in a terrible state all the specialists I have seen say it needs replacing as its bone grinding on bone and small bits of bone are floating about now. I take each day as it comes then decide what to do depending on pain.

    when I was diagnosed with dyslexia dysppraxia ano dyscalculia they told me I am a kinaesthectic learner, it basically means for me I learn better by being shown what to do, hands on approach and with pictures and colours rather than words spoken or written.  I don't like reading and avoid it all the time.  I don't like telephones either, I have that face blindness where I don't understand face expressions or faces and because I cannot see someone on the other end of the phone I cannot connect with them...almost like it's not real...so don't use them.  I have a mobile but only talk to my family on it, they are used to me shouting down it now! Yes the shouting is a thing I do when frustrated.

    i wonder sometimes why I was never picked up by Drs, I clearly have problems and struggle with daily life.  My schooling was very different as I schooled in Germany, my dad was in the forces. It was very different and I think maybe that's why I was never picked up? Forces Drs are more of a take this tablet and get on with things! oh yes when I got my dyslexia and other d diagnosis they said then I should get further tests done on autism but with moving about so often with the forces it was forgotten about.  It would explain a lotto me and I guess make me feel like I fit in more? And who knows I may of even had help over the years? 

    Hmmmm ok stopping now as I feel I may be ending up going around and round.

  • Thanks for the tip, I googled it this morning. It is tactile learning by doing things rather than listening to lectures etc.

    I often wake in the middle of the night and get up and put a brew on for an hour or so especially when I have been a bit stressed during the day. Also my natural body clock seems to advance about one hour per day if I allow it to so I can end up staying up late and then oversleeping in the morning unless I make the effort to correct it.

  • Morning Vometia, Good to know I am not the only one up late (or early). :)

    Laddie.

  • Hi Happydora,

    I have always been obsessed with trying to understand the world we live in more and bore people by talking about that rather than the small talk and nonsense most NT's indulge in when they socialise with each other. I have collected a large number of books over the years and read many books I got from the library too. I am not attracted to fiction but prefer autobiographies or other factual stories. What is the point of fiction? It's made up out of someone's imagination, rather than actual facts. Just like the bible.

    I am afraid of horses having fallen off one when I was a teenager on the only occasion I ever tried to ride. Put me off for life. They are very intelligent creatures and can sense when a rider is scared I think. I know I was. I prefer mechanical means of transport. Is that how your knee got damaged from riding horses? I have always wondered why women love horses so much and like to be around them. I was told once it's the smell of them but that may not be true for everyone.

    What does kinaesthetic mean? I can't find it in the dictionary.

    Take care, laddie.