Day of Getting Nowhere

Thanks Sox,

I understand the situation, and have become easier about it. I have done a lot of thinking about on it. I have written a lot here, I am not disagreeing with you, just trying to express my feelings to help me "move on"

I had agreed with Landlord that for her tennants, I would need notice, and it is only for bulky things, and for notice to be chaneled through her. I have basically said to her that I would handle it differently if I owned the house, but I don't. Its just a stop gap solution until I can find another way forward. Have extended this arrangement for other neighbour.

I don't have a problem been given notice, but it is after that some people just seem to think it is ok to use my garden as they please, even when they don't particularly need to. I have refused recently, to make the communication simpler (expecting they would do it when I am out anyway) 

I fear being given notice by landlord, what is angering me about this current situation is the implied complaint to my landlord, over something I didn't do. My landlord, said she knows me enough that I wouldn't do that. This is something I feel I need to address with Landlord. I don't feel it is right I should be pressured in this way.

I did offer a bit of an olive branch this time, by asking some help to move my speakers. They said that would be ok, any time. Left me their telephone number, but implied they would want money to help "he does all odd jobs like that very reasonable rates"

There is that there is access through neigbours other side, it is a little awkward. I feel it would be fair to share these breach of privacy and inconvenience (can't think of the right words)

As an aside, before this neighbour bought the house, I found the estate agent ad. It stated in the advert that there was an arrangement in place for access through my garden. I told them to change the advert, which they did.

The landlord can give me notice, but I don't feel this will fully solve the problem for her. Not that that will make much difference to my situation, other people I have spoken with have been shocked this is happening, including the social worker that visited last week. If may affect me a lot more than another tennant, but I am sure some other tennants would have a problem with it. Particularly if they have children playing in the garden. Probably would be ok to start with, but seeing strangers in your garden on odd occaisions.

What would solve it for me here, is to have some control on physical access. I feel the fence should be secured. If there was say one panel which could be locked/unlocked in some way. That would at least force the neigbours to ask. I don't know why the panels are not secured like they are on other side of the garden. We get strong winds here, and the panels keep blowing out because they are not secured. Not sure if they landlord wants to do this, but will put it forward to them. I have an idea of how it can be done inexpensively. Might be worth getting a letter together for all involved.

Ultimately my solution is to move house to resolve this. I don't want to rent from a private landlord, I am looking, not easy with my financial situation, plus on top I can ony get a mortgage up to my retirement age.

Finding the right place is crucial, I think I need to be somewhere a little bit more isolated. House prices here have just gone absolutely nuts the past year or so around here. I want to do this at my own pace so I get it right. I need space and privacy with a garage.

Random

Thanks Sox,

I understand the situation, and have become easier about it. I have done a lot of thinking about on it. I have written a lot here, I am not disagreeing with you, just trying to express my feelings to help me "move on"

I had agreed with Landlord that for her tennants, I would need notice, and it is only for bulky things, and for notice to be chaneled through her. I have basically said to her that I would handle it differently if I owned the house, but I don't. Its just a stop gap solution until I can find another way forward.

I don't have a problem been given notice, but it is after that some people just seem to think it is ok to use my garden as they please, even when they don't particularly need to. I have refused recently, to make the communication simpler. 

I fear being given notice by landlord, what is angering me about this current situation is the implied complaint to my landlord, over something I didn't do. My landlord, said she knows me enough that I wouldn't do that. This is something I feel I need to address with Landlord. I don't feel it is right I should be pressured in this way.

I did offer a bit of an olive branch this time, by asking some help to move my speakers. They said that would be ok, any time. Left me their telephone number, but implied they would want money to help "he does all odd jobs like that very reasonable rates"

There is that there is access through neigbours other side, it is a little awkward. I feel it would be fair to share these breach of privacy and inconvenience (can't think of the right words)

As an aside, before this neighbour bought the house, I found the estate agent ad. It stated in the advert that there was an arrangement in place for access through my garden. I told them to change the advert, which they did.

The landlord can give me notice, but I don't feel this will fully solve the problem for her. Not that that will make much difference to my situation, other people I have spoken with have been shocked this is happening, including the social worker that visited last week. If may affect me a lot more than another tennant, but I am sure some other tennants would have a problem with it. Particularly if they have children playing in the garden. Probably would be ok to start with, but seeing strangers in your garden on odd occaisions.

What would solve it for me here, is to have some control on physical access. I feel the fence should be secured. If there was say one panel which could be locked/unlocked in some way. That would at least force the neigbours to ask. I don't know why the panels are not secured like they are on other side of the garden. We get strong winds here, and the panels keep blowing out because they are not secured. Not sure if they landlord wants to do this, but will put it forward to them. I have an idea of how it can be done inexpensively. Might be worth getting a letter together for all involved.

Ultimately my solution is to move house to resolve this. I don't want to rent from a private landlord, I am looking, not easy with my financial situation, plus on top I can ony get a mortgage up to my retirement age. Finding the right place is crucial, I think I need to be somewhere a little bit more isolated. House prices here have just gone absolutely nuts the past year or so.

Random

You might think this is a bit daft, random, but there's plenty of stuff on YouTube, on all sorts of subjects, that might help you take your mind off things a bit.

I've just finished watching a program about the earth and the major events in its history and how these affected how life evolved, leading up to us. The special effects were amazing. It kind of puts things into perspective and how our little lives are nothing in comparison to what has gone on in the past.

Anything that can take your mind off your troubles for a little while is going to be helpful.

random said:

On the neighbour issue, I discussed it with a social worker I met for first time last week. She has offered to help with my landlord and police, not sure there will be a way to solve it, but hopefully I can minimise it, and the affect it has on me.

This might seem brutal, Random, but there are limited ways forward with this

a) The landlord can solve his problem by giving you notice.

b) You could solve the problem by allowing access with, for example, 24 hours notice.

c) The nieghbours could solve the problem by not needing to use your garden for access.

d) You could find somewhere else to live where you have more rights to control what happens in your garden.

This is a civil matter, rather than a police matter, unless there is a breach of the peace.

As long as you are a tenant in a place, where shared access is necessary for the neighbours to get stuff in and out of their place, you will keep going round this loop. Your landlord does want an easy life, you want an easy life and your neighbours want an easy life. None of you wants to have this dispute going on and something has to give. I'm afraid that I suspect the courts might see you as the unreasonable one for refusing, point blank, to allow access to your neighbours.

Thanks for all the replies, have only just finished re-arranging my front room to give me space to relocate my speakers. I managed to get a hand from someone I loosely know on a different forum down the road.

I realised after relocating them, the stands for new speakers are different, and the speakers are not sitting on the main support points. Really worried about it because the previous owner of my old pair, said it was critical, otherwise the cabinets will be damaged internally. I should be able to adjust them with some bolts, but I have tried, and they are rock solid.

So I have got to try again, he was a nice person to help, but always find it stressful dealing with people, have to ask him again. One side was damaged by the door lock, but I managed to darken it so it is not so noticable. Have discovered some other damage in the veneer, not sure it can be repaired. Real shame

Just so tired and exhausted, my sleep is a bit pathcy, I am taking zopiclone to help.

On the neighbour issue, I discussed it with a social worker I met for first time last week. She has offered to help with my landlord and police, not sure there will be a way to solve it, but hopefully I can minimise it, and the affect it has on me.

Random

lostmyway said:

It's ok to makes mistakes because that is how experience is gained but it is concerning when mistakes are repeated too much.

Very true, and it is irritating when one does the same thing wrong over and over. But there is no point getting angry about this unless that motivates you to learn from the mistake and choose to avoid the mistake in the future.

We do have choice and we can learn to do things better.

It's ok to makes mistakes because that is how experience is gained but it is concerning when mistakes are repeated too much.

random said:

I realise I have made a mistake

Making mistakes is normal and human. It isn't necessary to treat mistakes as catastrophes but instead, try and see them as opportunities to learn. There is a really good book on this www.amazon.co.uk/.../B005DI9DPM that I am slowly working my way through.

Hi Random,  sounds like things have been depleting for you? how are you sleeping?  You've related how exhausting it is - is there any nutrient/resource you might be able to refuel with?  Your anxiety levels are very high - I think this is why you are having the cognitive issue you describe.  

I hate people like that!

Hope you get/got it sorted Random