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Marriage and Asperger

Rob3d

Hi,

I am a total newbie to forum chats but I am not in the best place right now with regular panic attacks. I am 40, Married for 15 years with 3 children. I have been diagnosed with Asperger for 13 months now and just finished my 12 months of NHS counselling/therapy. I sought the diagnosis after a really hard time at work lots of long days with great responsibility and no recognition for my efforts. 

This was hard on my family and especially my wife, now a year on my responsibilities and hours are less than they have been in years but a new crisis has fallen. I think that my wife expected a miracle cure after the diagnosis and therapy and although I have improved greatly and can talk to people and go out to busy places. I believe she feels she is burdened with the responsibility of looking after me (even though I have a steady job and I am the main wage earner) as a life long commitment and I will never be the person she wants. It has come to the point where she dose not know if she can do this anymore.

I don't expect miracles I'd just like to not feel so alienated.

  • Thanks for your replies, that's very odd, the autism team that I am with has stated they do not provide any counsueling at all. I don't want to "hijack" this discussion thread, so will start a new topic

  • Hi Paul,

    As ginger replied, I was given the option of diffrent things to try I took the one to one councillingb wich think it was 8/9 sessions which spanned the year. I believe she hinted that I could be defered for more councilling though this would I'm sure undergo another evaluation to see if I would get anything more from it. 

    My wife did attend two of them, but on reflection now I think she was already overwrought. This confused me as I couldnt understand why she wasnt happy about things moving forward. 

    I think she needs more help and understanding with it than me perhaps, then she would not get quite so cross at me all the time.

    When I was young I felt like an adult because I didnt understand my fellow youth eratic emotions, now I am old(er) I feel like I missed out on that learning proccess and am a child in and an adults body because I dont understand the subtitles of body langauage, verbal sub contexts, relationships, work etc!

    Still you cannot stop learning no matter the results and where that path might take you. I will allways have my beloved computers . 

    Cheers

    Rob

  • hi

    the aspergers team that i have been seeing are the ones who have put me forward for help.  they gave me a list of courses i could go on.  when i got my diagnoses they gave me the option of either leaving it there or progressing.  i chose progressing.  but it was the aspergers team who are helping with the counselling, so maybe you should ask them direct ?  the problem is it is different in every area.  i am very lucky, from first referall by my gp to finla diagnoses was 7 months, which is very quick when i see how other people struggle.

  • Hi,

    Sounds like you have made some significant progress, it is a shame your wife doesn't feel the same. When researching stuff online, even some of the leaflets, the initial presentation of information is very "glossy" looking, and all sounds very positive. I can understand how someone can get wrong impression from some web sites. Has she had a good chance to speak with the health team who is helping you ?

    I wonder if you may be able to help me with some advice please, I have had great difficulty accessing counsuelling help with nhs, although the autism team I am currently with has stated I needed this support. Please could you let me know the process on how you got some help with this. I feel like am hitting my head against a brick wall,

    Thanks,

    Paul 

  • Thanks for responding I'm sure we all find it difficult.

    I think we can change but at the same time we dont like change and its a slow process. It's difficult for people to understand.

    My wife championed my cause and that of my son who was just shy of getting the diagnosis, my other son is also dyslexic like me she has had her work cut out for her these last few years. 

    I feel it is early days for both of us, hopefully good will come of it. 

  • hi

    i was diagnosed with aspergers in november last year after a life time of difficulties.  i am now 45.  at one point i was even a team manager, but the stress and responsibility was all too much for me and i broke down,  that was september 2014 and i am still unable to work.  panic and stress kind of rule my life.  i was glad of the diagnoses and am kind of proud of it, as it answered many questions.  i am getting better, but it is slow.  i do not expect miracles, i just accept who i am.  i am lucky, i have a wife of 13 years who has stuck by me through some very traumatic times.  my diagnoses was a relief for her, and although there are times she finds some of my habits difficult, she does not try to change me or expect me to suddenly change.  i am lucky.  however my parents do not really understand, they try but  do not really get it and believe one day i shall be normal again.

    but what is normal?  i am sure your wife will get it, but it will take time.  it is not easy for those around us.  i felt alienated all my life, i felt i never fitted in i was different.  now i have aspergers i have a reason and i have support. 

    good luck