Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,
I am a 24-year-old female suffering from what seems to be a life-long state of depression. This depression has been with me for as long as I can remember and basically stems from some kind of deep chronic loneliness I can't understand. In trying to understand this loneliness, I have always had questions about who I am and why I am so different. I have considered bipolar disorder and ADHD. But in my search for answers, I came across the help4aspergers website that listed characteristics specific to women with aspergers, which has been making me think.
Before I decide to seek professional help, my question is, can someone out there please give me their own opinion as to whether or not they think I could have Asperger's Syndrome?
The challenge is that I do not seem to experience the 3 main social/communication aspects of the disorder strongly, although I can say that there are times when I do.
Here is a run-down of the my basic eccentricities/habits:
1.) I am a loner and introverted. Although the irony is that I have a very sunny and outward personality (people say that I am quite hyper and high energy), I find it difficult to sustain real friendships with people. After being introduced to people and getting along perfectly well, I disappear.. I don't know why I do this.. But it's as if I get panic attacks imagining what I would do or say if I had to hang out with them..
2.) In school, I had only one or two close friends. I was definitely an outsider and couldnt mingle the same way that the oher children did. I had a tendency to daydream quite a lot.Teachers said I was "physically present but mentally absent."
3.) I read the same books over and over. My main interests are fantasy/science fiction, children's books, and memoirs.
4.) I had one obsession in high school, which was music. All my awards were music related. In fact, this was the only area of interest I had and bothered pursuing.
5.) When I was younger, I hated being touched and felt very awkward when people would show physical displays of affection towards me. However, after my last relationship, I like hugging people now (people I am close to).
6.) As a teenager, I wore the same 3 shirts and 2 pairs of jeans my entire life and never bothered about fashion.
7.) I had very poor personal hygiene when I was younger. It was as if other girls my age knew instinctively to be squeaky clean and pretty, brushing their hair and all that. I was known for my messy hair and unkempt uniform and sometimes did not take a bath.
8.) I can be incredibly emotionally immature and moody for the shallowest reasons. Ex. not eating my favorite food for the day. Not having my usual time to daydream.
After many years of knowing myself for having the above eccentricities while I was growing up, I thought I had just matured and was over all these.
But my recent corporate experience has left me severely depressed and in a state of trauma. I felt like an outsider, a child once again.
Someone help me, please. Would appreciate your feedback.. Thank you very much.
Answer the Questions ! as well as ask them.
In the isolation of your own existence this is moving into defining who you are.
Anxiety is the cycle of unanswered questions continuing; to sourse the unknown effect of the physical responses we are experiencing as a whole world experience that often overwhelms our ability to process the circumstances we find ourselves in.
Stop saying why and move on to your definition of all that is happening to you, yes the process is daunting, and the task vast but it is start or continue as you are, gamble on the unknown or stick with what you got, if that was a satisfying option you would have chosen it by now surely our selfpreservation and survival is intact and we are able to reason.
So do it your way I would like to bet it is because you are stuck working out to try and emulate the values that you have had given to you. Not always possible.
So is it good, is it kind, is it nessacary. start on working these out for yourself anf then mve on and build a life.
Depression is a by product of extended frustration and a product of wrong aims. When you have worked through this the stuff you are left with is possibly the chemical effects of your brain over which you may have little controll. learn the nature of this and its pattern like a kind of mental weather and if it is all a masive mess after you ahve bothered to stand up in your own Autistic person then you know what you may need help with.
So have courage and begin to work out what kind of a person you are and be kind to yourself as you go as well as others if you can.
Good luck
WB
Courage is courage the places it takes each person is as different as the views fro the tops of the mountains that cover the earth.