Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,
I am a 24-year-old female suffering from what seems to be a life-long state of depression. This depression has been with me for as long as I can remember and basically stems from some kind of deep chronic loneliness I can't understand. In trying to understand this loneliness, I have always had questions about who I am and why I am so different. I have considered bipolar disorder and ADHD. But in my search for answers, I came across the help4aspergers website that listed characteristics specific to women with aspergers, which has been making me think.
Before I decide to seek professional help, my question is, can someone out there please give me their own opinion as to whether or not they think I could have Asperger's Syndrome?
The challenge is that I do not seem to experience the 3 main social/communication aspects of the disorder strongly, although I can say that there are times when I do.
Here is a run-down of the my basic eccentricities/habits:
1.) I am a loner and introverted. Although the irony is that I have a very sunny and outward personality (people say that I am quite hyper and high energy), I find it difficult to sustain real friendships with people. After being introduced to people and getting along perfectly well, I disappear.. I don't know why I do this.. But it's as if I get panic attacks imagining what I would do or say if I had to hang out with them..
2.) In school, I had only one or two close friends. I was definitely an outsider and couldnt mingle the same way that the oher children did. I had a tendency to daydream quite a lot.Teachers said I was "physically present but mentally absent."
3.) I read the same books over and over. My main interests are fantasy/science fiction, children's books, and memoirs.
4.) I had one obsession in high school, which was music. All my awards were music related. In fact, this was the only area of interest I had and bothered pursuing.
5.) When I was younger, I hated being touched and felt very awkward when people would show physical displays of affection towards me. However, after my last relationship, I like hugging people now (people I am close to).
6.) As a teenager, I wore the same 3 shirts and 2 pairs of jeans my entire life and never bothered about fashion.
7.) I had very poor personal hygiene when I was younger. It was as if other girls my age knew instinctively to be squeaky clean and pretty, brushing their hair and all that. I was known for my messy hair and unkempt uniform and sometimes did not take a bath.
8.) I can be incredibly emotionally immature and moody for the shallowest reasons. Ex. not eating my favorite food for the day. Not having my usual time to daydream.
After many years of knowing myself for having the above eccentricities while I was growing up, I thought I had just matured and was over all these.
But my recent corporate experience has left me severely depressed and in a state of trauma. I felt like an outsider, a child once again.
Someone help me, please. Would appreciate your feedback.. Thank you very much.
Sorry to butt in on this post guys but by reading through i feel like im reading bout myself, in a strange way its nice knowing i am not the complete & utter weirdo i once thought i was, lol, i often feel like im on the outside looking in,especially in social situations, its like everyone else is in on summat that im just not picking up on:-/
Thanks for the post Hope. I know exactly what you mean. All my life I knew there was something different about me and I've never been able to fit in and I'm always trying to find my identity.
Just like you I've learnt many coping strategies over the years and have learnt how to behave although it never feels real to me and I constantly feel like I'm faking it.
I'm a bit worried about going for a diagnosis though. I keep thinking although I believe it is aspergers what if I'm told its not. If that's the case... What's wrong with me then? I'm worried that it'll then make me feel worse about myself and the experiences I've faced because there's no real reason for it.
Direct your GP to this:
http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction/gender-and-autism/women-and-girls-on-the-autism-spectrum.aspx
...and this: http://www.autism.org.uk/working-with/autism-strategy/autism-awareness-and-training/government-commissioned-autism-awareness-training.aspx
I'm so world-weary of the ignorance amongst frontline healthcare staff.
In any case, it is not a GPs role to diagnose you, and they should take a patient's concerns seriously. Only a qualified diagnostician can tell you whether or not your suspicions are correct.
I have Asperger's and can broadly look someone in the eyes, but I don't know what the eyes are conveying, or how to use my own eyes creatively. Most of the time, though, I am not actually looking directly in the eyes, but only in their general direction.
I can communicate verbally very well because I have a wide vocabulary, am pretty intelligent, and can mask my autism. This does not mean my diagnosis is incorrect, it just means I have learnt some good coping strategies. I am hopeless at understanding non verbal communication and abstract or vague conversation, though.
Thank you very much... I'll c how I get on
Your GP might want to read this as well: http://www.autism.org.uk/working-with/health/information-for-general-practitioners/gps-guide-to-adults-with-asperger-syndrome.aspx
My therapist said she'd write our speak to them. The thing is I briefly mentioned my concerns to a GP and she said I don't seem to present as autistic/Aspergers cause I was making good eye contact and was able to communicate with her effectively.
What is the AQ10?
How do I access it?
Once I've completed it if I score 6 or more do I take the results to my GP?
Does your therapist mean she will write you a letter to take to the GP?
It's nice of her but you don't need that as you are entitled to a referral anyway.
If you take the AQ10 in my stickied thread about assessment and diagnosis for adults and score 6 or more that's all the indication your GP needs and you shouldn't need to say a huge amount.
Hi everyone,
It's my first time on one of these forums so I'm a little nervous. I'm a 29 year old female with a 10 year old autistic son. Most recently looking at my son I've realised that I'm just like him and believe I have aspergers. I too went on the help4aspergers website, brought the book and its been like looking at myself in a mirror.
I am extremely isolated and have very few people around me. My kids are all I really have. Social situations are awful I'm always standing around in a corner by myself hoping someone will approach me. I say what's on my mind without thinking how someone else will be affected. No matter what I say people are always offended. I burn bridges without any explanation.
I don't like being touched, unless I'm the one doing it. I have to cut labels out of my clothing.
I do things exactly the same way. Even when driving I tend to take the same routes. If someone messes up my routine I find this really difficult.
I know how to make eye contact but find it extremely painful. It feels like laser beams piercing through me.
Sorry to go on and on, the list for me is endless. I'm currently seeing a therapist who specialises in ASD and AS in adults and I'm thinking about going through the diagnosis process. I have great anxiety about this and am worried that they'll say it's something else or nothing at all.
My therapist has said she'll support me when going to the GP, but I really don't know what to do.
Has anyone got any advise?
Autism is diagnosed mostly on the triad of impairments
I am diagnosed with AS
Well now let us see LeaST ThoRNY I have quite an act to follow, for I have done much and journeyed hard and with a solitude that takes much courage. But it is a compliment to be alikened with the fervour of youth and the steadfast continuity of a keen knowledge.
I am the second of three generations of Autys and we have a great variety of different expressions on the spectrum. I KNEW so the diagnosis was a formlity that the professional gave in the process of catching up with the things that I and mine know.
I am not a great respector of the medical process or all of its professionals and vet them with a good deal of scrutiny as they have yet to catch up with the skill and understanding that is gained from being part of a generational Auty family. They have a lot to learn and much to prove before trust is part of the elemental understanding that comes with any medical position or skill.
I see them as eduated walking libraries and when I meet one who is willing to cooperate in imparting knowledge, so that I can enhance my own understanding of my own condition. It is my own experience that NT people have yet to grasp the extent of diversity and different cosmology that is part of the AS condition and all the while we are refered to as a subset of health and mental faculty we are a long way from being able to entrust our well being to the willing but largely destructive willingness of those who want to help but are not yet in the position to understand the complexaties of autistic as healthy.
Whilst this is possible so much of what we are cooersed to comply to is far from healthy for us and only a version of health that in itself is often an inherited story of hear-say passed down the generations of subjugated people who are far more lost than they know and languish in the sorrows of hidden health that they do not know as real or seen to them or theirs for generations.
The blind and sick leading the blind and sick indeed. I we are to be healthy then we will need to lead and inform inspite of the preconcieved ideas that aboud for so many.
WB
Gird yourself, for the journey is long and the road rough, it is hard to find the path of the self and keep it especially in the forests of life. The mountains of life can sap the inspiration from your very bones and rob you of the rewards that the pinicals offer. So be wise and steady and do not rush and remember what it is you seek and why it is you journey. There is much to rob you along the way, be proud of all you are and shake off shame for it is a coat theat is readily handed to you when it is cold by the unwhitting.
You sound a lot like me and I'm a 16 year old undiagnosed Aspergirl. I'm soon to go for a referral to a professional, aswell.
Like you, I can identify a lot of traits in myself that are in AS:
...However, some symptoms overlap into other conditions like Social Phobia etc.- So, it is possible that it isn't Aspergers...though I'm not a professional so I'd always recomend that you see a professional, which I assume you were planning on doing; if you find out you do have it for sure, this could give you some piece of mind and be a sense of relief. But always remember, getting a diagnosis could also be a bad thing; you could begin to feel 'less able' to do things, and may also lead to discrimination in the workplace.
...I hope this helped!
Answer the Questions ! as well as ask them.
In the isolation of your own existence this is moving into defining who you are.
Anxiety is the cycle of unanswered questions continuing; to sourse the unknown effect of the physical responses we are experiencing as a whole world experience that often overwhelms our ability to process the circumstances we find ourselves in.
Stop saying why and move on to your definition of all that is happening to you, yes the process is daunting, and the task vast but it is start or continue as you are, gamble on the unknown or stick with what you got, if that was a satisfying option you would have chosen it by now surely our selfpreservation and survival is intact and we are able to reason.
So do it your way I would like to bet it is because you are stuck working out to try and emulate the values that you have had given to you. Not always possible.
So is it good, is it kind, is it nessacary. start on working these out for yourself anf then mve on and build a life.
Depression is a by product of extended frustration and a product of wrong aims. When you have worked through this the stuff you are left with is possibly the chemical effects of your brain over which you may have little controll. learn the nature of this and its pattern like a kind of mental weather and if it is all a masive mess after you ahve bothered to stand up in your own Autistic person then you know what you may need help with.
So have courage and begin to work out what kind of a person you are and be kind to yourself as you go as well as others if you can.
Good luck
Courage is courage the places it takes each person is as different as the views fro the tops of the mountains that cover the earth.
DaisyGirl said:I was diagnosed as an adult, and because it was a late diagnosis I had developed a wide range of coping strategies that masked the type of social/communication aspects. However, these were only strategies to help me appear NT, and I can only describe them as "acting NT". Think about your own way of behaving and clearly seperate your real self from any acting strategies you have developed (Aspergirls do a lot of acting strategies that boys in general do not), these strategies may be very deeply ingrained in the way you behave.I didn't realise until my diagnosis that all people were not doing these acting strategies, I just thought other people were better at them than me and so were less unhappy and lonely. Now I realise NTs are not acting, its the way they are. Aspergirls are different. The acting strategies were severely hampering my health due to chronic anxiety and depression. When I saw them for what they were and connected with my real Aspie self it was a revelation, I could be me and not pretend to myself that I was that other person. Acting strategies are mentally draining, and often for adults it is not until the work environment that it becomes clear you cannot keep them up for hours on end day after day.
I was diagnosed as an adult, and because it was a late diagnosis I had developed a wide range of coping strategies that masked the type of social/communication aspects. However, these were only strategies to help me appear NT, and I can only describe them as "acting NT". Think about your own way of behaving and clearly seperate your real self from any acting strategies you have developed (Aspergirls do a lot of acting strategies that boys in general do not), these strategies may be very deeply ingrained in the way you behave.
I didn't realise until my diagnosis that all people were not doing these acting strategies, I just thought other people were better at them than me and so were less unhappy and lonely. Now I realise NTs are not acting, its the way they are. Aspergirls are different. The acting strategies were severely hampering my health due to chronic anxiety and depression. When I saw them for what they were and connected with my real Aspie self it was a revelation, I could be me and not pretend to myself that I was that other person. Acting strategies are mentally draining, and often for adults it is not until the work environment that it becomes clear you cannot keep them up for hours on end day after day.
I was also a late diagnosed adult and everything you have said here is exactly the way it's been for me. I was quite successful in "acting NT" but it came with a heavy price - not just anxiety and depression but also physical conditions such as chronic digestive problems, high blood-pressure and IBS.
Obtaining a diagnosis was like having a burden I hadn't realised I'd been carrying lifted off my back.
You sound like you are describing having Aspergers very clearly, so I wondered why you say you do not seem to experience the 3 main social/communication aspects strongly.
On the subject of adult diagnosis. Ask you GP to refer you to a psychiatrist who is trained in Asperger diagnosis for adults. It will save a lot of time if you can go straight to the person who knows the diagnosis procedure. Good luck.
As far as I can make out from conversations with my Step Mum I was diagnosed when I was about 8. You sound very similar to me- I struggle to maintain friendships, I'm happiest with my own company, I HATE being touched except for by a few special people and even then there are times when they are not allowed within a foot of me (literally, I make them stay far away), I find I rehearse all of my conversations before having them etc etc.
If it's something that is having an impact on your life go talk to your GP and ask to be reffered to a Psychiatrist. Be warned though- they may refuse to diagnose adults in your area, and you may need to consider going private to get a diagnosis.
Goo luck,
Elf
You sound like me. I'm 17 with Aspergers Syndrome and they've only diagnosed me a few months ago.
Unless its my mum I have problems with people touching me. I can come across as a nice interesting person when I first meet people but then I seem to lose all interest in pursuing long term friendships, I generally live in dragon t-shirts and two pairs of jeans (have done for the past year or so) , I used to read the same books so often I could quote chapters and I live almost constantly in my own 'world'.
It can't ever hurt to seek out a diagnosis. If you've got it, then you can ask for advice on how to cope with things etc. If you don't, then you can cross it off your list and keep looking. But good luck if you try getting diagnosed though, I hear adults have the hardest time making it through the system. :(
Katie.