Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all :)
You may have seen a topic i prerviously posted very recently about my boys. Im a mom of 3. I have got my one boy through alot of the process to the point they have said its Autism and ADHD but it hasnt been put on paper as yet as hes yet to see a phsycotherapist and my other son hasnt even got to first screening yet. This in mind, I have so many questions, so please forgive me as no matter what i read it seems so vague. My main question being if this is the case, does my nearly 6 year old son know? is he aware of his autism and ADHD? If not when do they become aware of it? do you tell them or do you not say anything at all ( i wouldnt until it was on paper anyway). Also my one son has alot of hitting, bitting to others and himself, he uses baby talk and grunts, these things sometimes make me wonder is all this behaviour completely his condition OR is some of it just an average nearly 6 year olds behaviour? Im very confused. I know alot of the things he does isnt that of someone his age but say like when hes boundary pushing is that the nearly six year old or is it part of the condition or both? the reason i ask this as im so worried about time out if its something that cant be helped, in fact should i be time outing anyway? Im in a place where im questioning everything he does (not to him like i just think is this his way of saying i cant cope or is it him just being a head strong nearly 6 year old?) , im questioning everything we do like should i time out if his behaviour is unacceptable (but then it might not be his fault and so i dont want him to feel misunderstood). I often wonder if he knows as im scared that he might feel alone or isolated and i really dont want that. I mean he seems happy enough until hes in one of his outbursts but i am a worrier and the thought of them feeling misunderstood for even a second turns my stomach. If theres anyone out there with autism / ADHD or both a point of view and advice from you would be greatly appreciated as i just want to understand and do the best for my boys. My boys havent changed overnight and i would like to think that i know them every inch of the way however if theres anything i can do to understand the way they see the world then that can only benefit them surely? thank you for reading my post, and thank you in advance to anyone that can contribute, it means alot. Best Wishes, Lisa :)
Hi Lisa,
I'm 17 and have only just been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome. My little cousin Eliott also has some form of autism though I'm not sure which type.
I know this isn't going to be pleasant to hear but its important to know the facts.
Yes, theres a good chance your son knows he's different.
Other children will most likely be the ones to constantly remind him of this through their actions or even telling him outright, so even if he doesn't know what specifically is 'wrong' he'll know hes different.
With Eliott, we made sure he knew we loved him. So that even if he was treated badly by other kids for things not his fault, that we still care about him. Sometimes if he does something 'wrong' we'll take him to one side and explain to him why not in simple terms e.g. he hits another cousin, my aunt will take him aside and say "No Eliott, you do not hit people, it isn't nice and you wouldn't like it if they hit you."
This makes him think about the other persons reaction, something that wouldn't naturally occur to him.
As for how to treat your son, as a family (amoung us older cousins anyway, its a big family) we've all decided to treat Eliott as we would treat any other kid. This is important as in life amoung strangers he won't get any special treatment so its important he knows whats expected of him.
Your sons outbursts may be his way of showing how he's frustrated and upset about being different, but its important to let him know thats ok. Maybe look into ways he can express himself without getting to that stage, like drawing?
I've seen how my aunt reacts when she tells us how upset she is about how Eliott sometimes feels lonely because of his differences, so I know this news will be upsetting to some degree. But as my dad pointed out it's ok to get upset because its your job as a parent and it shows you love them.
I hope this helps and I hope you don't get too upset, because the sad truth is that loads of people are ignorant to ASD and choose not to acknowledge it. But the fact that you've actively come onto this site and asked for help shows how much you love your children, and I think that when he's older it'll mean so much to him that you've taken the time to do your best to understand his condition so you can help him through life.