Thinking of leaving

Thank you ️ 

Yay... To sticking around a bit.

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Wow that’s really quite interesting to hear. Yeah my nan and grandad were working class compared to their siblings. They got married at 18 and within a year later their son was born haha. Now in today’s society I think a lot, not everyone but a lot of people only have kids so young so they get more money and don’t work. Same with those who marry and have kids then divorce, it boils my blood so much! I’m not saying everyone is like this but there are a lot of people out there unfortunately! I mean my mum has a friend whose son got taken advantage of this way and he’s now only allowed to see the kid once every few months but he doesn’t get any help I don’t think but his ex gets everything and she was the one who dumped him. Not to mention how she had to have on xmas day over 3months before her due date because she wanted it on Xmas day! I mean is that even allowed? Surely you can’t choose to have a kid so early? I will admit I’m not very well educated in these areas. 

I have met quite a few people who have had kids in their late 30s/early 40s but they have been given a hard time for it but it’s their lives. I had a skin therapist who had her eldest at 19 but when she remarried in her late 30s she wanted another kid with her new husband but she got a lot of slack for it. I mean come on why can’t people just live their lives the way they want? 

I saw a quote on a video on YT last night, it went something a long the lines of “if you allow your happiness to be controlled from outside of yourself then you are a slave to something.” 

I'm glad you've decided to stick around.

I had my first child at 19 and so did many of my old school mates, the more middle class people I knew were having thier first babies in thier late 20's early 30's, now many women don't have children until thier in their late thirties or early forties. So 26 isn't old not to have children.

I think the age at which you give birth is a class thing, the more working class you are the more likely you are to have children young, when I was younger there was still the attitude that if you we're married by the age of 21 you were "on the shelf", unmarriagable except maybe to an older man to be his housekeeper and nurse. Certainly for women 10 years or so older than me this was a real cause of concern and most of them had babies by the time they were in thier early twenties. I'm sure this must have led to a lot of poor marital choices as people were desperate not to suffer the shame of being "on the shelf".

I do black and white thinking too much lol. Yet apparently I can read between the lines  I will be honest I don’t really know what that means. When we were kids it was just a secret way of swearing haha! 

Hiya, thank you for replying. I think I’ll stick around a bit but I will probably take a break at some point though. I think it’s just all the real life struggles and traumas but after reading all these lovely replies I do feel more validated now. As I said I’ll probably have a break at some point.

You have as much right to be here as anyone else and we are all equal here. I value your posts and would miss you if you leave, but it is more important that you do what is best for you.

As mentioned already, others sometimes take a break. A useful maxim can be, “If you don’t know what to do, do nothing”. 

Black and white thinking is another issue. You don't have to be here or leave, you can dip in and out. It is not one thing or the other.

If one week you have lots of energy and are here, and the next week you are not, it's ok.

You also need to look after yourself.

No it isn’t their forum but if they don’t want my help then as I’ve said they can take a long walk off a short pier, they don’t want my help then I’ll give it to those who are more deserving! I just wish I could be more confident at the right time. 

Im glad you have had the last laugh but it’s terrible how people change their tone over the age, I mean it’s just a number. Also my nan had her oldest when she was only 19, ok this was years ago but still. I keep getting called a geriatric because I’m nearly 26 and still not got kids or even been in a relationship but I just want to take life at my own pace. I mean that’s me though and we are all different which I get. I’m more introverted. 

I have been told I need to double check things like this before so I should do these fact checks. Like is it facts or just my over paranoid opinions. 

I never thought of that with the replies really, so yeah I defo have a lot to learn but I do feel coming here has helped me learn different things but I just didn’t want to upset people but as you say I need to check for evidence (hope I’m understanding this)

I might have a little bit of time off here as I have got a lot going on for real at the moment. Thank you for replying anyway 

I guess this is how I’m feeling at the moment, I have a habit of taking things seriously so I can understand what you are saying. I am very sensitive and I guess the ignoring feeling is more of a thing from my real experiences so I could well be overreacting. I might just have a break instead I just didn’t want to be causing issues but I guess I always feel like that haha.

Hiya Sporadic Sparkly 
Thank you for your kind words. I haven’t really been here all that long and say I’m probably just going through a weak phase at the moment. I understand it’s my decision, just sometimes it’s nice to have reassurance. I’ve been struggling for real lately so that’s probably contributing to why I feel so burdensome in general. I might just have a little break and do some games or something! X 

It is one of the cognitive distortions I posted some months ago; deciding what other people think. You are not a burden to yourself, so you are deciding you are a burden to them. They have not said anything, so you don't know.

It is always worth double checking whether what you think has real evidence to support it. Try not to over read things.

It is also worth taking a break for a few days, or a week or two, sometimes. You, like all of us, have other things in your life that can cause stress and can affect your capacity to cope. It can help to just push things away and chill out. A sense of perspective will soon come back.

People may not reply because they don't have anything to add to what you said. Rather than ignoring you, people may have read it and agreed.

I left the forum for a good few months when taking comments by others too seriously. At the time I suppose I felt my ego was fragile and I wanted to avoid any criticisms or judgements. 

If you're reading this Elfilis , the way you're feeling is something that many members past and present have experienced too, even though our reasons for feeling like we don't quite fit in can differ.

Only you can decide what is best for you, but I think it would be a shame if you left.

Well it's not their forum is it? They've got no right to tell you you can't post and if they can't listen to a young person then maybe thats why they're having such a hard time understanding their own young people.

I was always older than my years too and got loads of carp about it too, especially as I had kids so young, but although it hurt at the time because people would talk to me like a normal human being until they found out I was 10 years younger than them and then had to be condescending, I think I've had the last laugh, as I can look back at them and still think they're idiots and wonder if they look back on their younger selves and cringe at how up themselves they were?

Don't give up.!!

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Elfilis said:

I just don’t understand why parents take a dislike to me.

My suspicion is that they want an echo chamber of people who are in the same situation as them, who can tell them it will get better and they are not bad people etc.

I've had my fair share of "what would you know, you've never been a" parent / invalid / female (delete as appropriate) when people have asked for advice.

I think they are just lashing out a bit in their pain so I tend to let them be.

Live and let live and all that hippy stuff works best here.

Thank you for that! I definitely think your son is doing the right thing not being on social media because if you ask me it’s just a toxic place. Though I will admit it may be harder for girls due to the pressures of how we should look etc. I’m sorry your son is struggling to make friends in Norway. I suppose the language barrier doesn’t really help. 

Im glad you think us young ones are energising though! There are nice ones out there it’s just finding them which is the challenge.