Stressed out!

My family are exactly the same as my boy is high functioning. They make me feel like I am just not not parenting properly and that he is just naughty. Things like when i take his laptop off him he can spend hours just saying I want my laptop. I do ignore this but get looked at as i to say why are you putting up with this behaviour. They just have no idea. It is so frustrating.x

hi i live in poulton le fylde ...nr blackpool...please does anybody know of any support groups or coffee morning for parents to chat to others with children with asd...much grateful ...lisax

Thanks for the advice. I wouldnt normally take my boys to McD's however we were at parents for the weekend (first time in 2 years) and my mother wanted to pop in to town. Not ideal at all. Infact we find it hard taking our boys out anywhere public to eat. So 98% of time we eat at home. Life changes a lot when your children have issues but to us it is just normal to avoid any busy places. We have even booked a holiday during term time to avoid the mass of travelers, needs must, even their schools agreed it best.

Thanks again

Thanks for your message. I have just googled the letter and will have a good look at that .

Just wanted to say that my Mum did not say they are autistic, she said they are disabled children?? lol. Think that kind of offended me. I did not feel imbarressed at all... until she stuck her head round their table and said that. The couple were lovely and were not bothered by the children. After things calmed down i explained to them that they have autisum and that the older one gets very upset when people touch his stuff. They wished me all the best when they left.

My mother was obviously defending them, but i feel as though she reacted like that because she felt very imbarressed, she didnt know where to look, it was like a panic set in when she walked in and heard them going off. 

I have to say i am very proud of my boys, i think they are fantastic, beautiful little people. I dont care about what others think of them, i am quite aware that alot of people are ignorant and uneducated on the matter. Nice people understand or sympathise. 

I wont be going out alone with mother in future with the boys as she obv couldnt handle it. 

Thanks again 

I would honestly get your kids as far away from McD's (and anything similar)

1) These places are noisy, busy places that are likely to stress out an ASD child.

2) The additives in the food and drink are really not good for an ASD child.

The more I read about it, the more I am seeing how certain additives in food can have a dramatic affect on the condition.

I went through similar situations with my  boys paternal grandparents when the boys  were younger.  I found a letter written by Nancy Mucklow titled "letter to grandparents of an asperger child" if you Google it should come up.  Sadly I don't think they ever read  it, as in many ways they are still in denial.

Anyway, the fact that your mum was able to acknowledge and tell others that the children are autistic is HUGE.  Half the battle with family is getting them to acknowledge and accept a diagnosis.  She may of also in a strange way have been defending them.  She could of said they are naughty for example, which could have been perceived as a more negative reflection on you.

Also please don't take this the wrong way, but being embarrassed when your mum blurts out that your children are autistic may be picked up on by your children, who might start to think you are uncomfortable with their diagnosis and ultimately them.  In  other words they may think you are ashamed of them as you don't won't people to know.

I have no doubt that you will fight for their needs tirelessly, and it looks like you have a mum who cares too.

Hugs

Thank you so much for your reply. It is very helpful to know that i am not the only person who lives with all this. 

My elder son is like your two, higher functioning and he comes accross as very intellegent, so i suppose people must wonder why such a cleaver normal looking child does have such meltdowns. The other one is very gentle and loving, slow, more daydreamy, he also has epilepsy.

I have learnt to ignore strangers looks but find it hurtful with family members. I am quite strong and possitive in my support and sticking up for them, education wise too. I just have so much love for them and have always tried to understand their world, impossible as it may seam, just to try and make it a little better for them.

Thanks again, Take care,

Louise1977

Hi Louise1977,

 You will never be able to change some attitudes i'm affriad and although it's family, it seldom makes much of a difference.

I have two very high functioning lads who on the face of it look normal and of course one is reasonably articulate. (Comes accross as highly intellegent, in fact.)

The disparity between what people percieve and what the boys can often manage is huge. If they witness a meldown, it's always a shock. Equally, the prejudice is huge. From disbelief to disdain, people are so cruel in their attitudes. All very isolating really. As if the boys haven't got enough to contend with.

You are doing a great job and clearly you are more aware than most. Take comfort in that and may be over time she may pick up a few visual cues herself.

Take Care

Regards

Coogybear.