Having a bad day today

Hi Mason. Fwiw I'd say it's clear from your posts that you're not childish or stupid, and it's clear from this thread that it's not true that 'no one understands'. We do! I would be wary of thinking about 'things grown ups should do' and 'trying to conform', which involve value judgements that may not be useful (or right!). It is not wrong to be different. The world is at fault for being so confusing! You are already doing well by coping in a restaurant job; you're right that often children are incoherent and just need a smile; I agree that often roads don't look like roads (which means you are right to be wary of them!). Recognising that you process these things differently and that this is OK will stand you in good stead when you find the right person (who by definition will love you as you are).

Haha Hope we are very similar, i want children but how would I cope with it all, especially the screaming, it hurts my ears! And I also feel very childish and naive when it comes to sex, I dont think any guy would want to be in a relationship without it, but it would take a long time for me to feel comfortable about that stuff, I really like sleeping on my own, in my own bed too, I couldn't be doing with someone around my personal space all night every night. Even on the odd dates I've had, it's uncomfortable and awkward enough but there's the added pressure of worrying that he might be expecting sex which I'm not comfortable with, so I prefer not to continue it. I also have the same problem with making friends, I don't have any where I live now but i had a couple of friends, but it's so hard to make close relationships with people. 

I like your 10 year time frame, 10 years gives me hope, right now because people around me are getting married or in long term relationships I feel like if I don't do all this in the next couple of years I'll have missed my chance, but 10 years sounds like I have plenty of time (im 27 so near to your age) it's a difficult age because there's so much social pressure and it's so hard to try to conform to it! 

I also have the 'what to say to children' problem. I used to volunteer at a nursery when I was younger, and it was easier there, but I don't know what to do when a child just randomly smiles at me in the street. I smile back, but I feel all self-conscious and not sure what to say. I think it is harder when they are with their parents - I feel like they are judging me.

But I do like children, apart from when they scream and I want to run a mile!

You have just described how I feel Mason. I am 26 years old and desperately want what people without AS seem so readily to be able to attain. I know that starting relationships and having a family can be difficult for anyone, asperger's or not, for example shy people often struggle to find a partner, and often it does not work out for many people. But I know that my Asperger's creates an extra obstacle. For example, my younger brother has been in several relationships over the years, he  shares some traits with me but does not have Asperger's, and importantly he has the spontanaity and flexibility to actually pursue relationships in the first place.

I don't even have meaningful frriendships - at least not the sort where you can phone someone up for a chat,  and I struggle in this area - a lot of the problem is my own lack of motivation on the social front. I just don't make the effort to cultivate friendships, even though part of me really wants them.

I would love to have kids one day, if only one child, but the idea of pregnancy and giving birth fills me with dread. The idea of having sexual intercourse fills me with dread, yuk!, I have not even lost my childish disgust at all sexual acts. It is like I am not an adult yet, but I think I identify as an asexual. So what do I do? Maybe, if push comes to shove, I will have to pay for artificial insemination. But I don't see myself having kids, if I am so lucky, until years down the line. Hopefully I will have sorted myself  out by 10 years time.

Thank you blue86, it's so hard to believe that things could ever change, I feel like I'm going to be alone forever, but I'll try to keep positive and hope that things do change eventually, it's not that I'm in a rush for anything but i don't want to miss out on life because of my social problems and because my mind works differently. sorry to hear you're in a similar position but it's nice to know we're not alone with these problems.

Lilratch I know exactly how you feel too, when your head wants things a certain way and gets too involved in other activities but you can't make yourself think the way you want to. I have intense interests which can often change and it makes it hard for me to pin things down but some of them I keep on doing and the interest always stays with me but the intensity moves on to something else, so when i work all week and am so busy with these interests after work there's no time to meet people and socialise anyway and it's even harder when i don't really want to, I want a normal life and someone who understands me but also I want my space and to pursue my interests without someone judging me for them. It's much easier to be alone, but I'd hate to be alone forever.

yesterday at work (I work in a restaurant) I was clearing a table and next to me there were two young mothers one with a baby and another with a toddler; they were chatting away and the toddler tried to talk to me but I wouldnt know what to say to a toddler because i can't understand them and they can't understand me so what would I say. I just smiled and hoped that would be enough and it was hard because I want to have the kind of life they have with husband and kids but I don't know if I ever could, kids make me uncomfortable because I don't know what to do... I just felt so far from them and so different from them it really bothered me. 

I understand how you feel mason, I have had a few relationships but often they don't work out, just because I can be socially awkward, definitely get far too attached to quickly,  and act in ways that seem strange, I like this guy at the moment, we hit it off and got so, where, but we are now just friendw, which is fine, he is a great person and I really get on well with him, but I am scared of getting to attached, and ruining it, there is definitely somewhere out there for you, just keep your chin up and don't stop being yourself.

reallya really struggling to understand my self to be fair ! Don't understand why I get so attached to people and things and it makes me sooo angry or frustrated that I can'I have it my way but I don't want it my way my head just wants it my way ! Help ! I am 23 and was diagnosed last year after being told I had ADHD as a a child and bipolar as a adult at first. I don't know anyone to speak to and I keep losing jobs and friends through it what do I need to do to have someone to a just understand me and I help me through this :( 

Thank you so much for those encouraging words. I guess I am very hard on myself but you're right, I should be concentrating on the things a do have, I guess I'm starting to feel the pressure from other people who think I should be further along in life by now. My allotment is amazing, I love it! I work for the national trust as a waitress (which I find really stressful because of the interaction with people) but I thought about looking into volunteering in the gardens and see if there's a way in for a job although I doubt it because they don't have many paid staff in the gardens they mostly run on volunteer but it could be good experience to go get a job like that somewhere else. I'll give it some thought as I don't have as much free time as I'd like these days.

I would just like to reiterate, Mason, that you are not alone.

I am 26 years old and often get a bit down when I contemplate the things I want - partner, kids, career, independence, but that I don't currently have due to my asperger's. It will be hard for you to find a boyfriend because Asperger's is a social disability, and if you find it hard to make friends, it is 10 times harder to develop a meaningful, intimate relationship; but, it is not impossible. You are still fairly young, so try not to worry too much about these things just yet. Remember, many people don't find a partner until they are well into their 30s, and finding someone special can be difficult for Neurotypicals as well.

Try and maintain perspective by focusing on the positives of your situation. You have a friend who looks out for you, a new allotment - have you ever considered a job in gardening?, and you never know what new turns life might take. Try to remember this when you feel low.

Thank you coogybear, I'm sorry to hear you also feel this way, Its made me feel a bit better to hear I'm not on my own with it, this forum is useful for that.  sometimes i can be quite content with myself, but yesterday it really upset me. Hopefully I'll manage to sort my life out one day but I dont think I can do it just yet, I find it too hard to put myself into social situations and trying to find a boyfriend would be too much for me. I hope it all comes together one day though. I just got an allotment which is amazing and I love gardening, I used to help a friend on hers where I used to live and I've missed it since moving. It does concern me a little that it's just another way to isolate myself, but I enjoy it.

Hi Mason,

Can I just say, you are not alone and it's good that you've found the words to say how you feel. Personally, i feel very similar to you a lot of the time. Wondering why I struggle to cope with things others find second nature and frequently wondering whether I'm capable of doing everything i've taken on. I'm 48 now and everyday is a battle on some level. Some periods have been good in my life, others appauling, but I have to embrace each day anew in search of happier times. To look at me you would never know and many see an intellegent, confident person before them, however that isn't really me. That's just my facade. I've only very recently come to the conclusion I have ASD. So many things fell into place once I began to learn about it. The coping strategies one developes subconciously are remarkable really. In life you've probably employed many yourself without even realizing it.

Having a companion who understands who you are, is an asset and can be lifechanging for some. I wouldn't view it as a negative. If you are lucky their weakness will be your forte and vice versa, that way a balance is reached. I'm sure that you have some very positive and unique gifts to offer someone, so don't feel childish or stupid.

My partner told me this morning that i'm far too hard on myself. He's right of course. I can only do my best and that's all. Perhaps you too need to be kinder to yourself. Accepting who we are isn't easy, but once we do we open up many more doors to enable us to cope with lifes journey.

I wish you well and hope your spirits lift.

Take care,

God Bless

Coogybear. :)