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Having a bad day today

Mason

I'm just feeling bad and no one understands the difficulties I'm having in life. Its so hard sometimes. Today I went to see my friend from growing up, she always looked after me made sure I had everything I needed, helped me straighten up my clothes (even though I never knew I was even untidy) and she fought off the bullies for me as much as she could. She is now married and trying to sort out her career and trying to plan when to get pregnant, basically what an adult should be doing. She keeps wanting me to find a boyfriend and other people from work do aswell for some reason, I don't understand what difference it makes to them anyway, but they keep going on about it. the thing is, I don't want to be alone forever, but I can't imagine anyone coming into my life and having to deal with someone wanting me to be with them all the time and not understanding when I need space or when I can't deal with a social situation.

I feel like no one understands the severety of the problems I'm trying to deal with. Today in town she still had to stop me crossing the roads while traffic was coming because I was in an unfamiliar place and found having roads and trams in the middle of the town centre too confusing, I just didn't notice them as roads. She always used to have to do the same when I was little, but surely she shouldn't have to look after me in just the same way now I'm 27. It makes me feel so childish, stupid and useless at everything and I feel like I'll never have that normal life, I'm stuck and I don't know how to get past it, Im back living with my dad now too and I've reverted more to my childhood since moving back here, like being in the familiar place where I grew up has taken me back to that time. I feel like I'll be here forever and never be able move on because I can't imagine anything changing. 

Sorry, I guess I'm just feeling depressed about things at the moment and want to get it out.

Parents

  • You have just described how I feel Mason. I am 26 years old and desperately want what people without AS seem so readily to be able to attain. I know that starting relationships and having a family can be difficult for anyone, asperger's or not, for example shy people often struggle to find a partner, and often it does not work out for many people. But I know that my Asperger's creates an extra obstacle. For example, my younger brother has been in several relationships over the years, he  shares some traits with me but does not have Asperger's, and importantly he has the spontanaity and flexibility to actually pursue relationships in the first place.

    I don't even have meaningful frriendships - at least not the sort where you can phone someone up for a chat,  and I struggle in this area - a lot of the problem is my own lack of motivation on the social front. I just don't make the effort to cultivate friendships, even though part of me really wants them.

    I would love to have kids one day, if only one child, but the idea of pregnancy and giving birth fills me with dread. The idea of having sexual intercourse fills me with dread, yuk!, I have not even lost my childish disgust at all sexual acts. It is like I am not an adult yet, but I think I identify as an asexual. So what do I do? Maybe, if push comes to shove, I will have to pay for artificial insemination. But I don't see myself having kids, if I am so lucky, until years down the line. Hopefully I will have sorted myself  out by 10 years time.

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  • You have just described how I feel Mason. I am 26 years old and desperately want what people without AS seem so readily to be able to attain. I know that starting relationships and having a family can be difficult for anyone, asperger's or not, for example shy people often struggle to find a partner, and often it does not work out for many people. But I know that my Asperger's creates an extra obstacle. For example, my younger brother has been in several relationships over the years, he  shares some traits with me but does not have Asperger's, and importantly he has the spontanaity and flexibility to actually pursue relationships in the first place.

    I don't even have meaningful frriendships - at least not the sort where you can phone someone up for a chat,  and I struggle in this area - a lot of the problem is my own lack of motivation on the social front. I just don't make the effort to cultivate friendships, even though part of me really wants them.

    I would love to have kids one day, if only one child, but the idea of pregnancy and giving birth fills me with dread. The idea of having sexual intercourse fills me with dread, yuk!, I have not even lost my childish disgust at all sexual acts. It is like I am not an adult yet, but I think I identify as an asexual. So what do I do? Maybe, if push comes to shove, I will have to pay for artificial insemination. But I don't see myself having kids, if I am so lucky, until years down the line. Hopefully I will have sorted myself  out by 10 years time.

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