Published on 12, July, 2020
break up
so, i was diagnosed about a month ago, im 20 and have been with my now ex boyfriend since i was 15. we broke up 2 days ago (no relation to my diagnosis etc). i’m struggling to say the least. he was my person and now he’s not there anymore. it’s like i’m grieving someone who’s died. i just don’t know what to do with myself. i’m trying to distract myself with everything i normally do when im anxious/upset (i was diagnosed with adhd when i was 13 so im used to distraction techniques) but i feel nothing is working and it’s playing on my mind all day till its night time and it all comes out in a meltdown and/or crying. i know it’s still really fresh but someone please tell me it get better? i just need advise basically. how do you get through this?
Hey, I totally get where you’re coming from. Breakups are hard, especially when you’ve been with someone for so long. It feels like losing a big part of yourself, doesn’t it? When I went through a breakup a few years ago, it felt like I was stuck in a never-ending loop of emotions. I used to distract myself with hobbies and stuff too, but it took a lot of time before things started to get better. Just remember, it’s okay to grieve and feel all these emotions. Try to be gentle with yourself and maybe consider talking to a therapist if you need extra support. It does get easier with time, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
Five years is a long time for two people to be together. It's going to hurt a lot. I don't think "better" is going to be the right word for where your feelings will go from here. From personal experience, it's something that can come back to you now and then. My advice is to let yourself feel what you're feeling, albeit safely. If there's someone you can confide in, keep them aware of where your mental health is at.
You never have to feel ok with what you've gone through. Some people might expect you to pick yourself up and move on. You might decide yourself to do just that. It can take us a very long time to process things, especially when feelings are involved. Eventually you may be able to unpack it all enough to accept what happened and move on. I can't say all of us here are the same way, but for me, in time I find emotional memory becomes a vague thing. I still feel sad about how things turned out with me and someone I felt very strongly for. But the memories themself are vague, like from a dream.
I'm not saying that's what it will be like for you. Just let yourself go through the process, for as long as you need. No one gets to tell you how long that should be.