Published on 12, July, 2020
I was always told I was soft as a kid. Obviously I was autistic as a kid as I am now. But kids would say oh he’s soft. Is this the reason why autistic men don’t have much success with women? Because they are soft and cry a lot and get upset? Does a woman truly look for a ‘hard’ man? I would say yes. Women have sometimes thought of me as gay because I would speak with a soft voice in the past. I’m afraid in my experience women don’t like the soft and impotent type. So I stopped being soft and impotent. Being soft didn’t get me anywhere as a boy. Now I am hard. I never cry especially not in front of women. Anytime I have cried in front of a woman they rolled their eyes etc. I now get it! It’s because a woman doesn’t want a weak and feeble man who cries when he doesn’t get his way. I have learned this. This is okay! I now understand that I am a man and I have to be hard like a man and not cry. Supposedly society is more accepting of men crying and being emotional but this is BS. Genuinely I have cried and got no sympathy from men and women. That’s when I learned that men can’t cry because it’s a sign of weakness. I am not weak. I don’t cry when I can’t get what I want. I try harder to get the things I want. I may have been the soft kid at school that everyone picked on but now I am a hard man and I get the things I want because I earn them. I learned that as a man I have to be hard and assert my dominance and male spirit to achieve what I want. I never drink alcohol because I am above alcohol. I don’t need alcohol to be myself I can be myself without alcohol. I speak with a hard man’s voice instead of a soft and gentle voice. I assert my positive intentions on the world and I build things. I may have been weak and feeble at one point but now I am strong and potent. I am a maverick among the many. Thanks to Vitamin B6 I have been granted ultimate powers.
In my experience the major reason that autistic men find it difficult to secure girlfriends and partners is because we miss most or all of the non-verbal signals that women are sending us that they do find us attractive. The opposite is true, we also do not recognise when we do not have a snowball's chance in Hell with a particular woman.
Fundamentally, most women are looking for a man with a mix of qualities, dependability, the financial ability to support a family, the emotional ability to nurture children and a personality compatible with their own. Macho men might turn female heads short-term, but for a long term relationship they are a bad bet for a woman.
Very very very wise words! I never thought about it like that. It appears to be true that we miss cues. I have done it loads of times now that you mention it. It’s so true! It’s because the autistic brain overthinks and think at 100MPH so it then misses these cues that would be obvious to others.
I just don't see the cues that someone might fancy me, I just think they're being nice, then they try and kiss me or something and I'm like'NO, what made you do that?' Then they get upset and go away and say nasty things about me. I'm so glad to be out of all that, I really am and I never want to go back to all that craziness.
Autistic women are vulnerable to 'sins of commission' by others, that is unwanted attentions by men. In contrast autistic men are liable to 'sins of omission' by themselves, in not acting on signals that women are giving us that attentions would be welcome. Both scenarios are very unfortunate.