Soft

Autistic women are vulnerable to 'sins of commission' by others, that is unwanted attentions by men. In contrast autistic men are liable to 'sins of omission' by themselves, in not acting on signals that women are giving us that attentions would be welcome. Both scenarios are very unfortunate.

Indeed.  Also we can recognise genuine attraction and still shy away from it and want to be alone.  Not because we really want to be alone. But because of the overwhelming intensity of it.

M

Of course! The alternative is boring and crap.

It’s worth a try Isperg. I especially like to take a few of them before big social events. I don’t think it does any harm not to me anyway. I do get effects. Calmer. My voice is louder. I am more patient. Less aggressive and impulsive. I first heard about these when I was 16. They helped me cope at work. Then I stopped them on the advice of a friend and I started bringing drink to work and got sacked. But on a more positive note. I don’t talk to him anymore and I still use B6 to this day. I swear by it. I know we had a disagreement yes. But that’s all in the past. Let’s be friends now if you’re up for it. 

I just don't see the cues that someone might fancy me, I just think they're being nice, then they try and kiss me or something and I'm like'NO, what made you do that?' Then they get upset and go away and say nasty things about me. I'm so glad to be out of all that, I really am and I never want to go back to all that craziness.

Very very very wise words! I never thought about it like that. It appears to be true that we miss cues. I have done it loads of times now that you mention it. It’s so true! It’s because the autistic brain overthinks and think at 100MPH so it then misses these cues that would be obvious to others.

I really appreciate the clarification. I will try that B6 at some point and see what it does to me!

I and catwoman both mentioned Vitamin B12, and her description of "It makes you feel like Captain Kirk" made me grin a bit but I can say that tring of loolling about aineffectvely Iev been making myself take B12 again and today (day three after 2 days of taking it, suddenly, I got a lot done and procrastinated less).

You and I got into some disagreement before and it's been suggested that I'd do better to "leave you to your own devices" (If you want that, ask, and it'll be done) but right now you are saying intresting stuff about a vitamin I know nothing about, and it seems polite to tell what little I know about another vitamin that seems to do similar things. 

I really admire someone who tries things then reports what he finds, and try to be such a person myself. 

Good

In my experience the major reason that autistic men find it difficult to secure girlfriends and partners is because we miss most or all of the non-verbal signals that women are sending us that they do find us attractive. The opposite is true, we also do not recognise when we do not have a snowball's chance in Hell with a particular woman.

Fundamentally, most women are looking for a man with a mix of qualities, dependability, the financial ability to support a family, the emotional ability to nurture children and a personality compatible with their own. Macho men might turn female heads short-term, but for a long term relationship they are a bad bet for a woman.

This was a joke lol sorry. 

Yes this is true. Bones are only soft when you don’t have enough vitamin D. 

That’s good. I am also seeing a girl. I just try to be myself. I cried after seeing her last I must admit. I was just overcome with emotions lol. Positive emotions though. But I get what you mean it’s complicated at times. I didn’t mean hard as in like a macho man. But instead I meant strong spiritually if you will. To be hard in the sense of having a strong heart. When I say soft I mean no heart, no spirit weak backbone. Just to clarify it’s B6 I take not B12 so I can’t comment on what b12 does or anything. But it might be worth a try who knows.

There are partners for everyone out there Des.   You have some strong views though.  You'd need a partner who agreed with at least some of them I think.  Otherwise they may not find you attractive or if they did disagree with you and  still found you handsome, you'd end up arguing all the time.

That is the truth as I see it.   I hope you are not offended by that friend,  

Malojian

Bones are hard, muscles are strong/flexible, and skin is warm/soft. They work together. 

It maybe a bad idea to not be yourself with a potential partner. Yes, you can reign in your 'worst' aspects and try to improve yourself, but not change your personality. You may even be able to kid someone who isn't really a suitable partner, but you probably won't be happy.

It also may be a bad idea to think you know what an entire group wants (women, in this case), based on what some want - or even what a lot want. (For example "I know women who vote Labour, therefore all women vote Labour")

I accept that I have been extremely lucky and am married to someone who likes a lot of my autistic attributes. I am vulnerable with her (soft?) just not all the time. Sometimes I have to be strong for her (not strong like a macho man, but sometimes I need to support her when she is vulnerable). We have an equal partnership. She is in charge of some aspects of our life, and I am in charge of others. This is based on our strengths. She is doing a lot more of the supporting now because of my recent burnout/autism journey. I supported her a lot in the past because of other personal (to her) things.

I must try some B12 too, though!

Hello Yellow Tree 118. Women do like a powerful, STRONG, and dangerous man. A man who will care for their baby sometimes. Pretty women want SOFT kisses and GENTLE caresses too. 

Men need direction, in life. And school isn't providing that direction.

We need a society run by the faithful, for the faithful. Then men can become producers, again.

Good guys tend to attract bloodsuckers. We end up Cellmates, rather than spouses, at home.

I think it how women see men can be cultural as well as personal. Some women confuse hard with strong, as do men, for me being an hard man equates with toxic masculinity, whereas being a strong man means being secure in their masculinity without having to be in peoples faces with it.

I've heard of women who always go for b'stards who will hurt them, yes theres some truth in that because those guys are really good fun to be around whilst it lasts. The other side of that is the men who go for princesses, those women who are ultra feminine, often toxically so, who bleed men dry financially and emotionally. I guess they make guys feel really masculine with their studied helplessness.

I think that nobody wants someone who uses tears as a weapon, I don't think anyone wants to be with someone who they feel they have to parent. But people do want someone emotionally authentic, but not manipulative, self pitying, or plays the blame game.

Sounds like your vit B12 has kicked in and now you feel like Captain Kirk, it will settle down in a few days.

I thnk he articulated some very fundamental and often overlooked truths about what it is to be a possessor of a functioning Y chromosome.

Sometimes the traits he illustrates lead to great sucess in life, sometimes to misery and failure.

Apparently that depends on the character of the man, although fortune also seems to play a part...

*Edit* I Googled Vitamin B6 and it didn't immediately show that it confers great powers, but I'm probably going to try some..

*Edit some more* Catwoman might have nailed it there, Vitamin B12 does have that sort of effect. (It stops me falling asleep watching T.V.!)