Published on 12, July, 2020
I was always told I was soft as a kid. Obviously I was autistic as a kid as I am now. But kids would say oh he’s soft. Is this the reason why autistic men don’t have much success with women? Because they are soft and cry a lot and get upset? Does a woman truly look for a ‘hard’ man? I would say yes. Women have sometimes thought of me as gay because I would speak with a soft voice in the past. I’m afraid in my experience women don’t like the soft and impotent type. So I stopped being soft and impotent. Being soft didn’t get me anywhere as a boy. Now I am hard. I never cry especially not in front of women. Anytime I have cried in front of a woman they rolled their eyes etc. I now get it! It’s because a woman doesn’t want a weak and feeble man who cries when he doesn’t get his way. I have learned this. This is okay! I now understand that I am a man and I have to be hard like a man and not cry. Supposedly society is more accepting of men crying and being emotional but this is BS. Genuinely I have cried and got no sympathy from men and women. That’s when I learned that men can’t cry because it’s a sign of weakness. I am not weak. I don’t cry when I can’t get what I want. I try harder to get the things I want. I may have been the soft kid at school that everyone picked on but now I am a hard man and I get the things I want because I earn them. I learned that as a man I have to be hard and assert my dominance and male spirit to achieve what I want. I never drink alcohol because I am above alcohol. I don’t need alcohol to be myself I can be myself without alcohol. I speak with a hard man’s voice instead of a soft and gentle voice. I assert my positive intentions on the world and I build things. I may have been weak and feeble at one point but now I am strong and potent. I am a maverick among the many. Thanks to Vitamin B6 I have been granted ultimate powers.
This is just my personal perspective. I feel that you've articulated some very questionable conclusions about how you "need to be", based on over-generalisation about how others perceive men who are evidently in touch with their sensitive sides.
Your conclusion seems to be based on masking, which - whether we recognise it or not at the time - comes at a cost.
More info: NAS - The impact of masking
I think it how women see men can be cultural as well as personal. Some women confuse hard with strong, as do men, for me being an hard man equates with toxic masculinity, whereas being a strong man means being secure in their masculinity without having to be in peoples faces with it.
I've heard of women who always go for b'stards who will hurt them, yes theres some truth in that because those guys are really good fun to be around whilst it lasts. The other side of that is the men who go for princesses, those women who are ultra feminine, often toxically so, who bleed men dry financially and emotionally. I guess they make guys feel really masculine with their studied helplessness.
I think that nobody wants someone who uses tears as a weapon, I don't think anyone wants to be with someone who they feel they have to parent. But people do want someone emotionally authentic, but not manipulative, self pitying, or plays the blame game.
Sounds like your vit B12 has kicked in and now you feel like Captain Kirk, it will settle down in a few days.
Good guys tend to attract bloodsuckers. We end up Cellmates, rather than spouses, at home.
There are partners for everyone out there Des. You have some strong views though. You'd need a partner who agreed with at least some of them I think. Otherwise they may not find you attractive or if they did disagree with you and still found you handsome, you'd end up arguing all the time.That is the truth as I see it. I hope you are not offended by that friend, Malojian