Published on 12, July, 2020
My female partner believes she is Autistic and believes she has Pathological Demand Avoidance. When we were first in a relationship she would snuggle me, hug, kiss and say I love you etc. We split up but recently got back together and she said when we were first together she masked. She now will not kiss, saying she doesn't like it, won't hug, won't snuggle and says having to say "I love you" back when I say it is like a demand so won't do it. There is so much more going on and a relative says she is narcissistic. Can Autistic individuals heavily mask like this or is it quite suspicious how she presents? She always has to have control, guilt trips me and well, I could go on.
Well, the most important question, is whether or not you're happy with this kind of set-up for the relationship. Demand avoidance, lack of intimacy, control, guilt trips, etc., I mean, that doesn't sound very nice for a relationship in general. Even if she was masking intimacy before and not just love bombing you, the other things like control and guilt trips, are sort of weird. I would suggest you be careful.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I’ve been advised previously about being careful. I get criticised a lot, she’s always right and guilt trips can be me not offering to do something so she’ll say, you’re suppose to be my partner and make me feel guilty etc for me to then do it
She behaves like my brother who has high in narcissistic tendencies, and I cut contact to him years ago, because he was toxic. Hopefully you set boundaries for yourself. Your partner should treat you respectfully, and everyone who genuinely cares about your well-being, like your relative, will not want to see you being treated so badly by anyone, especially not by your partner, who's supposed to love you and care about you. You could look up narcissistic abuse, and see if it resembles your relationship. Hopefully you will be able to figure things out so that you'll be happy.