Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m 56 and my love affair with alcohol started when I was still at school. I found it a great enabler and made me seem more ‘normal’ if that’s the right word. I’m one of those who can’t have one drink, if I’m not drinking then I don’t feel the need, once I’ve had a drink then I can’t stop.
I can’t remember the amount of social occasions that I have drank to a massive excess just to get through it. I’ve often hated myself for not being able to stop. I eventually cut down to just drinking at weekends, to be honest I was still binge drinking. I’ve had a few trips to the GP in the last couple of months for joint pain, as a result I have been taking antibiotics, anti-inflammatory / pain killer and another pill to stop my stomach from bleeding from the other pills. The only good thing is that I can’t drink alcohol with them, I haven’t touched a drop in 8 weeks, it’s not been easy but I do feel much better, anxiety has gone down massively, sleep has been greatly improved and it’s nice waking up in the mornings with a clear head.
I have just started another month of medication so still staying away from alcohol. What I have found is that time spent on my special interest has gone ballistic, I seem to spend hours every day researching some part of it.
Now alcohol is out of my system and blood tests show I have normal liver and kidney function, I think I’m going to plod on as I am. The more I know and understand about my self and how autism affects me, the less I want to punish myself anymore. I needed that gap from using alcohol as my system has never been clear of it, I hope I have the strength to carry on.
Has anyone else struggled with using alcohol to control one’s self and navigate life?
It's been a crutch for me for a long time. I used to drink all the time, every night after work, then about 22 years ago i got a job that involved needing to be clear thinking, so I dropped to weekend only, but still drank a lot when I did.
Recently been dropping it off further, more to just when there's a social event rather than just using weekend as an excuse and sitting in the conservatory getting drunk!
I feel better overall, but when I drink I feel worse after than I think I ever did. Maybe I'm in the death throws of my relationship with it, I feel I could maybe bin it altogether but then I'd never cope socially, both from it being a social enabler and also the feeling of peer pressure somehow too.
The problem with alcohol is that it smells and tastes awful. And when I get “normal”, the normals get not normal. They start behaving like crazies or something like that. Do it might have worked if it was only me drinking a bit to get normal, but NTs not drinking. It’s impossible or very unlikely
I’ve always suffered from reflux, I sleep with four pillows so I am more upright, been taking Lansoprazole which seems to be helping. I found having the blood test quite stressful, the GP couldn’t believe I had got to 56 without ever having one.
Yeh I’ve had similar problems in terms of craving alcohol for social interaction. However I have learned that alcohol is pro-inflammatory, and it makes bowel inflammation significantly worse for those with Crohn’s disease. So yeh it’s probably not good for autistic people to drink it giving how much we know about how autistic people struggle with their bowels. It’s good that you’re taking anti inflammatory pills they will hopefully help you. But if your struggling with joint pain or any form of inflammation just know that alcohol will make it worse as it increases inflammatory signals and dampens down anti inflammatory signals.
Roy said:Has anyone else struggled with using alcohol to control one’s self and navigate life?
Yes.....until I realised I was autistic......then I stopped the booze. Nothing much changed, except became richer and healthier. What's not to like!
Your post resonates with me Roy,, in many ways. I found alcohol an enabler, that leveled the playing field to an extent. I worked for a time places where there was a big drinking culture too, so that helped to normalise it. In social situations, it was too easy to drink to excess.
There's plenty of alcohol in the house, but I rarely drink now and am happy without it. I decided about 3 years ago that I wasn't going to bother with it any more. Not that I was dependent or anything- that's never been true - but it does more harm than good over time and I thought that I shouldn't need to be anyone but myself, which was the main point of drinking for me, to be more socially acceptable.
Honestly, I don't miss it!
This is a revealing and soul searching post Roy.
I drank a great deal in my youth and smoked (including pot), but my lungs and digestive system won't allow me to nowadays, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it.
I do wish you all the very best with this.
Roy said:I hope I have the strength to carry on.
You are a great guy and I hope so too.
Roy said: The more I know and understand about my self and how autism affects me, the less I want to punish myself anymore.
I could very much relate to this as I think self destructiveness can be a major part of our struggle to cope.